Dad Update

Dad continues to decline. His weight is still dropping and he's not eating much. It's really hard to hear him when he talks now too. He's very quiet when he speaks. The nurses have also advised that he is refusing his medication, though not consistently. If you ask him about pain, he says he has none. One other thing I've noticed is that his mouth hangs open all the time. This used to happen when he slept but it as become a waking thing too.  He also seems to choke easily on water which would indicate that he's having trouble swallowing. It might explain why he does not eat. He still seems to remember who I am, though he never calls me by name. He introduces me to the nurses and aides as 'his little boy'. That just kills me. I'm an old man in my own right and he says that. It makes me happy.

He needs his rest.

Lord, he needs his rest. Why won't You set him free? Why does he have to go through this? Lord, You and I have never been on the same wave length in regard to what's fair for Your creations. I do not understand why you do the things You do. I know You do nothing without reason. I just wish I could wrap my mind around Your big picture. I hope You'll help me do that before my time comes.

Maybe. Maybe not. As Eli, the high priest of Israel said to a young Samuel, "He is the Lord; let Him do what is good in His eyes".

You do what you want because You Are God.

So Lord, your will be done. I also pray that you help me get my act together. I have much to do in preparation for retirement including the paperwork. Help me to get a grip and stop procrastinating. Help me to find a new purpose and place. Only You would know if I am going to need those things. Please take my uncertainty out of the equation and cause me to move forward as I need to. I'm not sure why I drag my feet. I think losing Dad to the care center and giving up my job is making me twist in the wind a bit. Some of that is good, but right now, all I want to do is stare off into space and share my meaningless thoughts on the internet. Oh well..my youth was misspent. I guess I can do a bit of that in my senior years too. Thanks for listening.