Dennis Lynn Brady passed from this earth at midnight on Sunday, January 29th, 2017 into the loving embrace of Jesus Christ and all the Saints that have gone on before. His mind and soul are finally free. Praise God for his victory. Welcome Home Dad.
Thanks for being my Dad. Somebody had to do it. Why not you? I love you. Tell Mom I said 'hi'. If you see Gramps, tell him I'm still chewin.
I will see you in a few. My cholesterol and blood pressure are not getting any lower. Might be sooner than I think. For the time being, I guess I'm an orphan. I should find someone to adopt me until it's my time. Wait...I guess Jesus already did that.
Lord, I know you're watching over me. You better be, cuz I'm gonna need it. I love you too.
Monday, January 30, 2017
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Dad And His Dog
As I mentioned earlier in the week, Dad is not doing well. I think he is approaching his last few days with us here. Today when I went in, He was unresponsive to anything but touch. He was not talking and could not stay awake. Physically, he is a shadow of who he was on November 30th, the day before he broke his hip. He has lost 40+ lbs since that day and his mental state has been in decline since that time. It also seems like he can no longer swallow. Even water makes him choke. He tried yesterday to suck on a straw, but it did not seem like he knew what to do once the straw was in his mouth.
In talking to the nurse today, she advised that his medication has been discontinued since he is not swallowing. They are also giving him hospice type care now. I asked if she thought it would be long now. She advised it would not be. I do not expect him to last through next week, though he is a unpredictable man. We will see. He does not seem to have any pain. He is resting. He looks like he is dreaming. He reaches up with his eyes closed. His lips move like he is in discussion with someone. I would like to know if it's just simple dreaming or if something supernatural is going on. It makes me curious. I guess I will find out myself soon enough.
Anyway, now is the time to visit if you want to see him alive. I know that sounds terrible, but it's true. It's also true that he looks quite different than he did a month ago. Please be prepared for that change. Be strong for him. It may look like he is sleeping, but talk to him anyway. Who knows what is really going on in his netherworld. He may be glad to hear your voice.
I told him it was OK if he wanted to go home and see Mom. There was no response, but I do think he's ready.
Please pray for a gentle passing.
Dad's dog, Oliver, is another issue. I have had him to the vet twice this week. His digestive tract is in an uproar. The original prescription was not working. He got a revision to fit his new diagnosis. New food and a steroid to go with the antibiotic and the pro biotic powder.
As for the diagnosis, the doctor says Oliver has a genetically inherited disorder called Protein Losing Enteropathy. It's something that is common in Wheaten Terriers (as well as Yorkshires). The symptoms are weight loss, vomiting and diarrhea. Oliver has all of these things going on. A blood test revealed that his protein levels were at 2.4. He was in the normal range in June 2016 - it was 6.6. So you see the concern.
PLE usually has a trigger. Normally it's caused by something the dog eats that irritates the bowel lining. Dad had Oliver eating ice cream almost daily. This is not good for a dog's liver or pancreas. It causes them to secrete substances that can irritate the bowel lining. Fortunately, he did not have pancreatitis, but things like this can trigger PLE. So can swallowing any number of the wrong things which Oliver does with regularity.
Next Tuesday, Oliver will be getting an ultrasound and an x-ray to be sure that whatever he ate that triggered the PLE is not still lodged in his intestine. Until then, he is on steroids, antibiotics and low fat food dusted with pro biotics. It could become a regular thing. The steroids are making him alternately sleepy and thirsty. The antibiotic upsets his stomach, even when taken with food. He did not keep his first dose of pills down today. The second dose went better and he also kept his supper down. I am hopeful. Even so, this could get expensive. $120.00 on Tuesday and $250.00 today. Next Tuesday could be worse.
I just pray he recovers. PLE in it's final stages sounds awful. Oliver is a good dog. I do not want to lose him too.
In talking to the nurse today, she advised that his medication has been discontinued since he is not swallowing. They are also giving him hospice type care now. I asked if she thought it would be long now. She advised it would not be. I do not expect him to last through next week, though he is a unpredictable man. We will see. He does not seem to have any pain. He is resting. He looks like he is dreaming. He reaches up with his eyes closed. His lips move like he is in discussion with someone. I would like to know if it's just simple dreaming or if something supernatural is going on. It makes me curious. I guess I will find out myself soon enough.
Anyway, now is the time to visit if you want to see him alive. I know that sounds terrible, but it's true. It's also true that he looks quite different than he did a month ago. Please be prepared for that change. Be strong for him. It may look like he is sleeping, but talk to him anyway. Who knows what is really going on in his netherworld. He may be glad to hear your voice.
I told him it was OK if he wanted to go home and see Mom. There was no response, but I do think he's ready.
Please pray for a gentle passing.
Dad's dog, Oliver, is another issue. I have had him to the vet twice this week. His digestive tract is in an uproar. The original prescription was not working. He got a revision to fit his new diagnosis. New food and a steroid to go with the antibiotic and the pro biotic powder.
As for the diagnosis, the doctor says Oliver has a genetically inherited disorder called Protein Losing Enteropathy. It's something that is common in Wheaten Terriers (as well as Yorkshires). The symptoms are weight loss, vomiting and diarrhea. Oliver has all of these things going on. A blood test revealed that his protein levels were at 2.4. He was in the normal range in June 2016 - it was 6.6. So you see the concern.
PLE usually has a trigger. Normally it's caused by something the dog eats that irritates the bowel lining. Dad had Oliver eating ice cream almost daily. This is not good for a dog's liver or pancreas. It causes them to secrete substances that can irritate the bowel lining. Fortunately, he did not have pancreatitis, but things like this can trigger PLE. So can swallowing any number of the wrong things which Oliver does with regularity.
Next Tuesday, Oliver will be getting an ultrasound and an x-ray to be sure that whatever he ate that triggered the PLE is not still lodged in his intestine. Until then, he is on steroids, antibiotics and low fat food dusted with pro biotics. It could become a regular thing. The steroids are making him alternately sleepy and thirsty. The antibiotic upsets his stomach, even when taken with food. He did not keep his first dose of pills down today. The second dose went better and he also kept his supper down. I am hopeful. Even so, this could get expensive. $120.00 on Tuesday and $250.00 today. Next Tuesday could be worse.
I just pray he recovers. PLE in it's final stages sounds awful. Oliver is a good dog. I do not want to lose him too.
Friday, January 27, 2017
Laurie's Roosters
Mom liked roosters. Not sure why. She used to tell a story about when she was a little girl and she was attacked by a rooster on the farm. She might have been teasing it. I'm told she could be ornery as a child. Her siblings could probably tell you more about that.
What I've noticed since becoming Lord Presumptive of the Manor is that my Mom collected things. There seem to be roosters scattered all over the house. Not the live kind of course. These are ceramic, metal or wood and one is particularly menacing. I would like to call it Mom's Big Cock Collection, but that might be taken in the wrong way, so let's just call it Mom's Rooster Collection. Here are a few below. Notice the lamp on the far right...yes, it's a rooster. Mom also has a miniature shoe collection that she inherited from her mother. I'm not sure if it has any collectible value, but it's funny in an odd sort of way and it always makes me think of Grandma. But Mom liked her roosters. Here are just a few...
What I've noticed since becoming Lord Presumptive of the Manor is that my Mom collected things. There seem to be roosters scattered all over the house. Not the live kind of course. These are ceramic, metal or wood and one is particularly menacing. I would like to call it Mom's Big Cock Collection, but that might be taken in the wrong way, so let's just call it Mom's Rooster Collection. Here are a few below. Notice the lamp on the far right...yes, it's a rooster. Mom also has a miniature shoe collection that she inherited from her mother. I'm not sure if it has any collectible value, but it's funny in an odd sort of way and it always makes me think of Grandma. But Mom liked her roosters. Here are just a few...
Thursday, January 26, 2017
Dad Update
Dad continues to decline. His weight is still dropping and he's not eating much. It's really hard to hear him when he talks now too. He's very quiet when he speaks. The nurses have also advised that he is refusing his medication, though not consistently. If you ask him about pain, he says he has none. One other thing I've noticed is that his mouth hangs open all the time. This used to happen when he slept but it as become a waking thing too. He also seems to choke easily on water which would indicate that he's having trouble swallowing. It might explain why he does not eat. He still seems to remember who I am, though he never calls me by name. He introduces me to the nurses and aides as 'his little boy'. That just kills me. I'm an old man in my own right and he says that. It makes me happy.
He needs his rest.
Lord, he needs his rest. Why won't You set him free? Why does he have to go through this? Lord, You and I have never been on the same wave length in regard to what's fair for Your creations. I do not understand why you do the things You do. I know You do nothing without reason. I just wish I could wrap my mind around Your big picture. I hope You'll help me do that before my time comes.
Maybe. Maybe not. As Eli, the high priest of Israel said to a young Samuel, "He is the Lord; let Him do what is good in His eyes".
You do what you want because You Are God.
So Lord, your will be done. I also pray that you help me get my act together. I have much to do in preparation for retirement including the paperwork. Help me to get a grip and stop procrastinating. Help me to find a new purpose and place. Only You would know if I am going to need those things. Please take my uncertainty out of the equation and cause me to move forward as I need to. I'm not sure why I drag my feet. I think losing Dad to the care center and giving up my job is making me twist in the wind a bit. Some of that is good, but right now, all I want to do is stare off into space and share my meaningless thoughts on the internet. Oh well..my youth was misspent. I guess I can do a bit of that in my senior years too. Thanks for listening.
He needs his rest.
Lord, he needs his rest. Why won't You set him free? Why does he have to go through this? Lord, You and I have never been on the same wave length in regard to what's fair for Your creations. I do not understand why you do the things You do. I know You do nothing without reason. I just wish I could wrap my mind around Your big picture. I hope You'll help me do that before my time comes.
Maybe. Maybe not. As Eli, the high priest of Israel said to a young Samuel, "He is the Lord; let Him do what is good in His eyes".
You do what you want because You Are God.
So Lord, your will be done. I also pray that you help me get my act together. I have much to do in preparation for retirement including the paperwork. Help me to get a grip and stop procrastinating. Help me to find a new purpose and place. Only You would know if I am going to need those things. Please take my uncertainty out of the equation and cause me to move forward as I need to. I'm not sure why I drag my feet. I think losing Dad to the care center and giving up my job is making me twist in the wind a bit. Some of that is good, but right now, all I want to do is stare off into space and share my meaningless thoughts on the internet. Oh well..my youth was misspent. I guess I can do a bit of that in my senior years too. Thanks for listening.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Sick As a Dog
I'm not sure where that expression comes from, but Oliver is not well. I think it's something he ate. He has some explosive diarrhea. Fortunately, I have been able to manage it so that it happens outside. It is the worst. Last night, we went out on an owl expedition (see previous post) and Oliver went to the far east side of the yard. I went up the driveway to check the mail box, but I could see him squatting. There was a gusher of liquid dog feces followed by some very serious dog flatulence. The wind was out of the east last night and I could smell his dog gas on the other side of the east yard. Had he been smoking, he might have exploded. Dog methane is the worst and this was powerful.
So we went to the vet today. He got special dog food, an antibiotic and some probiotics to add to the food. He had no fever, but he had lost some weight. He has been a pooping machine, so this does not surprise me. His appetite seems unaffected by all of this. He eats. It just goes right through him. Been drinking a lot of water too. I suppose all the pooping has dehydrated him.
I think he has been eating deer droppings in the back yard. I am not sure why dogs do this, but I think this might be at the root of the problem. He will also chew up sticks and eat leaves, so I guess he could have irritated his intestinal tract. The vet seems to prefer the deer shit theory. Apparently, this is a common occurence with suburban dogs. Whatever it is, it's supposed to be gone by Saturday or we are going back. He's been really mopey too. I suppose crapping so much can really wear a dog out. Here's to hoping my buddy gets better.
So we went to the vet today. He got special dog food, an antibiotic and some probiotics to add to the food. He had no fever, but he had lost some weight. He has been a pooping machine, so this does not surprise me. His appetite seems unaffected by all of this. He eats. It just goes right through him. Been drinking a lot of water too. I suppose all the pooping has dehydrated him.
I think he has been eating deer droppings in the back yard. I am not sure why dogs do this, but I think this might be at the root of the problem. He will also chew up sticks and eat leaves, so I guess he could have irritated his intestinal tract. The vet seems to prefer the deer shit theory. Apparently, this is a common occurence with suburban dogs. Whatever it is, it's supposed to be gone by Saturday or we are going back. He's been really mopey too. I suppose crapping so much can really wear a dog out. Here's to hoping my buddy gets better.
The Owl
I have an owl. I am not sure of the species, but it is big. It looks to be about 18 to 20 inches tall. I have been seeing it out in front of the house at night. Every time I have seen the owl, it has been on the ground and seemed to be looking at me through the front door window. I suppose it's catching voles and mice in the front yard, but it never looks like its eating anything.
I am not generally superstitious, but birds of prey have always worried me for some reason. They creep me out; most especially owls. Owls are so silent. The first night I saw him in the yard, I went out to look. It flew directly toward me and then up to a tree branch that hangs over the house. He was way too familiar. He seemed to have no fear of me and was just waiting for me to go inside again.
I looked into owl mythology. I thought it might be a sign. The symbology for owls is all over the board. The owl was the chosen symbol of the Greek goddess, Athena. In Greek mythology, the owl represented wisdom and prophecy. In later European lore, the owl was a symbol of death, darkness or transition. Among Native American tribes, owl symbolism is divided between all those. In Christian mythology, the owl represents evil and the evil spiritual world.
I don't know. I do know that this owl is really creepy. Kind of freaks me out. He looks right at me. It's like he knows me and wants to tell me something.
This looks like him. A Barred Owl. I will check again tonight. I'm sure he will be back. He seems to be my creepy friend now. Maybe I can get a pic with my phone.
I am not generally superstitious, but birds of prey have always worried me for some reason. They creep me out; most especially owls. Owls are so silent. The first night I saw him in the yard, I went out to look. It flew directly toward me and then up to a tree branch that hangs over the house. He was way too familiar. He seemed to have no fear of me and was just waiting for me to go inside again.
I looked into owl mythology. I thought it might be a sign. The symbology for owls is all over the board. The owl was the chosen symbol of the Greek goddess, Athena. In Greek mythology, the owl represented wisdom and prophecy. In later European lore, the owl was a symbol of death, darkness or transition. Among Native American tribes, owl symbolism is divided between all those. In Christian mythology, the owl represents evil and the evil spiritual world.
I don't know. I do know that this owl is really creepy. Kind of freaks me out. He looks right at me. It's like he knows me and wants to tell me something.
This looks like him. A Barred Owl. I will check again tonight. I'm sure he will be back. He seems to be my creepy friend now. Maybe I can get a pic with my phone.
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
My Week So Far
I have begun the process of making Dad's house my own. There is a long road to travel here and I'm not sure how deeply I want to get into that process. As I begin to explore the possibilities of what is here, I find myself pulled into the luxuries available.
I started yesterday by moving into the master bedroom. I put my stuff into the walk in closet and my undergarments in the dresser. I cleaned the master bathroom from top to bottom and removed what remained of the stuff my Dad would not let me throw away. It is not an ordinary bathroom. It's big. I put a new shower massage unit up in the shower and I also set about polishing up the Jacuzzi bathtub which had fallen into disuse. In the 5+ years that I have been here, I have never used it. It never occurred to me. It was Dad's bathroom. Why would I use his bathroom when I had my own? I also discovered heat lamps in the ceiling that I had never noticed before.
I think Mom and Dad quit using the tub because it may have been be a bit tough getting in and out.
Anyway...
By the time I was done moving and cleaning, I was quite tired, so I prepared a simple meal. I had chicken and brown rice. It was delightful and easy to make. I prepared the rice as recommended, except I used chicken broth instead of water with some roasted garlic powder. I also added a box of fresh sliced mushrooms. Toward the end of the cooking time, I added a handful of frozen peas and carrots for color and taste. Once cooked, I added a drained can of chunk chicken and mixed it in with the rice and vegetables. I drizzled all that with a bit of olive oil and gave it another stir.
Man, was that good.
I washed it all down with some white wine and then you know what I did?
I filled the Jacuzzi tub with water and took a hot bath.
That tub is incredible. It's big. Big enough for two men...please don't give me any ideas...
Then I hit the controls and the water began to move and move vigorously. Oh sweet mystery of life at last I've found you...who needs a man.? I began to float in the water. It was like I was being rubbed the right way over every inch of my body. The world disappeared. My aches and pains disappeared. I thought I was on the way to paradise. I can see how people drown in these things. It's easy to nod off and slide under water. I love this thing. If the Pool of Bethesda was better, it's no wonder people were healed.
I am getting sucked into this leisure that I always disdained. I am no longer a proletarian.
Lance, peel me some grapes. I'm off to the bath.
I started yesterday by moving into the master bedroom. I put my stuff into the walk in closet and my undergarments in the dresser. I cleaned the master bathroom from top to bottom and removed what remained of the stuff my Dad would not let me throw away. It is not an ordinary bathroom. It's big. I put a new shower massage unit up in the shower and I also set about polishing up the Jacuzzi bathtub which had fallen into disuse. In the 5+ years that I have been here, I have never used it. It never occurred to me. It was Dad's bathroom. Why would I use his bathroom when I had my own? I also discovered heat lamps in the ceiling that I had never noticed before.
I think Mom and Dad quit using the tub because it may have been be a bit tough getting in and out.
Anyway...
By the time I was done moving and cleaning, I was quite tired, so I prepared a simple meal. I had chicken and brown rice. It was delightful and easy to make. I prepared the rice as recommended, except I used chicken broth instead of water with some roasted garlic powder. I also added a box of fresh sliced mushrooms. Toward the end of the cooking time, I added a handful of frozen peas and carrots for color and taste. Once cooked, I added a drained can of chunk chicken and mixed it in with the rice and vegetables. I drizzled all that with a bit of olive oil and gave it another stir.
Man, was that good.
I washed it all down with some white wine and then you know what I did?
I filled the Jacuzzi tub with water and took a hot bath.
That tub is incredible. It's big. Big enough for two men...please don't give me any ideas...
Then I hit the controls and the water began to move and move vigorously. Oh sweet mystery of life at last I've found you...who needs a man.? I began to float in the water. It was like I was being rubbed the right way over every inch of my body. The world disappeared. My aches and pains disappeared. I thought I was on the way to paradise. I can see how people drown in these things. It's easy to nod off and slide under water. I love this thing. If the Pool of Bethesda was better, it's no wonder people were healed.
I am getting sucked into this leisure that I always disdained. I am no longer a proletarian.
Lance, peel me some grapes. I'm off to the bath.
Fear
Yahweh on fear, as recorded by Isaiah:
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
The Litany Against Fear From "Dune" by Frank Herbert:
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
What I notice is that one way to fearlessness is God dependent and the other is self dependent. As much I enjoyed "Dune", I think I will rely on God for my back bone. He is more reliable than I am.
Fear has been called the opposite of faith, but I think sometimes faith is driven by our fear. Fear's intensity dissipates as we move closer toward God. God is fearsome, but he only inspires fear in those opposed to his will. He inspires awe and respect in the faithful. We believe and obey Him because we are familiar with His power.
I have been afraid in my life. Mostly it would involve fear of embarrassment or losing face in some way. Odd that. Most people fear things like death or pain or suffering. My idea of suffering is being embarrassed. I wonder if one can die from that? It is so funny when I think about it that way. Another odd thing; I am seldom embarrassed by what comes out of my mouth, which is strange because if you knew me and the things I say and write, you would think I was embarrassed all the time. Things that embarrass me come down to really shallow matters like appearance, mispronunciation of words, being caught in an error over details that no one cares about and whether my sneakers are white enough. I'm not sure what any of that is about, but if you want to get to me, now you know how.
So this is the thing I have to overcome if I want to be fearless. But does God really want me that way? I'm thinking 'no'. I already lack appropriate filters. If He did not have embarrassment to corral me, I would be dangerous. I would also not lean on Him for my courage as I must do now.
So there you have it. It's my fear confession. Please do not embarrass me. I might cry.
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
The Litany Against Fear From "Dune" by Frank Herbert:
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
What I notice is that one way to fearlessness is God dependent and the other is self dependent. As much I enjoyed "Dune", I think I will rely on God for my back bone. He is more reliable than I am.
Fear has been called the opposite of faith, but I think sometimes faith is driven by our fear. Fear's intensity dissipates as we move closer toward God. God is fearsome, but he only inspires fear in those opposed to his will. He inspires awe and respect in the faithful. We believe and obey Him because we are familiar with His power.
I have been afraid in my life. Mostly it would involve fear of embarrassment or losing face in some way. Odd that. Most people fear things like death or pain or suffering. My idea of suffering is being embarrassed. I wonder if one can die from that? It is so funny when I think about it that way. Another odd thing; I am seldom embarrassed by what comes out of my mouth, which is strange because if you knew me and the things I say and write, you would think I was embarrassed all the time. Things that embarrass me come down to really shallow matters like appearance, mispronunciation of words, being caught in an error over details that no one cares about and whether my sneakers are white enough. I'm not sure what any of that is about, but if you want to get to me, now you know how.
So this is the thing I have to overcome if I want to be fearless. But does God really want me that way? I'm thinking 'no'. I already lack appropriate filters. If He did not have embarrassment to corral me, I would be dangerous. I would also not lean on Him for my courage as I must do now.
So there you have it. It's my fear confession. Please do not embarrass me. I might cry.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
Delicious
Well, I did it. It was delicious. What God hath wrought in his abundance should be eaten in the way He intended. I think I did it right. After some prep, here is what went to oven and steamer....
Here is what came out.
Please note the addition of a last minute salad. I find I love butter lettuce with a bit of shredded Parm. I also like Gino's Italian dressing. It's delightful. The fish and potatoes were perfect as planned. The sugar snaps could have used a bit more steam time, but I could have eaten them raw too. I love sugar snaps. Please note the pretentious glass in the top right. My Mom thought they were dessert glasses. They are fine crystal goblets with grapes and grape vines etched in the side. Mother, please do not be so naive. People drink wine OK? So what if they belonged to my great grandmother that was as dry as the Gobi in spring. I am now using them as intended. Please do not roll over if you get my drift. I love you. Dad and I will be up to see you soon enough. Until then, cheers!
It ended well. There were left overs. I waited a bit and consumed them too.
All gone.
Are you hungry?
Then my work here is done.
If I get the Cornish hens smoked, I will advise.
Later friends. Time for some sherbet and then some Sambuco and smoke.
Good night!
Here is what came out.
Please note the addition of a last minute salad. I find I love butter lettuce with a bit of shredded Parm. I also like Gino's Italian dressing. It's delightful. The fish and potatoes were perfect as planned. The sugar snaps could have used a bit more steam time, but I could have eaten them raw too. I love sugar snaps. Please note the pretentious glass in the top right. My Mom thought they were dessert glasses. They are fine crystal goblets with grapes and grape vines etched in the side. Mother, please do not be so naive. People drink wine OK? So what if they belonged to my great grandmother that was as dry as the Gobi in spring. I am now using them as intended. Please do not roll over if you get my drift. I love you. Dad and I will be up to see you soon enough. Until then, cheers!
It ended well. There were left overs. I waited a bit and consumed them too.
All gone.
Are you hungry?
Then my work here is done.
If I get the Cornish hens smoked, I will advise.
Later friends. Time for some sherbet and then some Sambuco and smoke.
Good night!
On The Menu This Evening
What's for dinner tonight you ask???
Baked Pacific cod fillets, sprinkled with paprika, onion and garlic powder and drizzled in butter with a light dusting of shredded Parmesan. Rounding out the entree will be sides of sugar snap peas, buttered with salt and pepper to taste and Potatoes Rosemary - new potatoes baked in olive oil and encrusted with sea salt and black pepper, spiced with sprigs of fresh rosemary.
The beverage will be a chilled white chardonnay, slightly sweet, served in a pretentious glass.
For dessert - lemon sherbet followed by a sliced apple - Braeburn to be precise.
Perhaps an after dinner cigar later with a snifter of warmed Sambuco Romano.
OK...this may take a bit. Best check the fridge. Wish me luck. I may also try smoking some Cornish hens later this week. I just have to figure out which end to light.
Bone Appetite ;^)
Baked Pacific cod fillets, sprinkled with paprika, onion and garlic powder and drizzled in butter with a light dusting of shredded Parmesan. Rounding out the entree will be sides of sugar snap peas, buttered with salt and pepper to taste and Potatoes Rosemary - new potatoes baked in olive oil and encrusted with sea salt and black pepper, spiced with sprigs of fresh rosemary.
The beverage will be a chilled white chardonnay, slightly sweet, served in a pretentious glass.
For dessert - lemon sherbet followed by a sliced apple - Braeburn to be precise.
Perhaps an after dinner cigar later with a snifter of warmed Sambuco Romano.
OK...this may take a bit. Best check the fridge. Wish me luck. I may also try smoking some Cornish hens later this week. I just have to figure out which end to light.
Bone Appetite ;^)
Get Over Yourself Already
Well, I've been working on that project for 59 years. Maybe this is the year I will succeed. It is a task whose time has come. I just can't seem to get there.
Why is it that most everything pisses me off? Why can I not live and let live? Just because I disagree with something or someone, it does not mean I should go apoplectic. I just have a low tolerance for people that disagree with me or want to do something in a way different from my own.
There is also the introvert factor. I like being alone. I have had precious little of that for the last 5 years and 8 months. Now that I have it back, I would like to keep it. I have a place to hide again where I am in charge and in control. I have no one's feeling to consider except mine and the Lords.But I digress.
Yes, I know that 'me' time is selfish time. But who is injured? No one. And since I do not play well with others (as my kindergarten teacher used to say), it works out for everyone involved.
There are some things in life though that need to be enjoyed, observed or practiced with others. Church is one of those things. Even when I do not want to play with them, I still need them. I should forget about what I want when I am with them and be nice. Mom always used to say, "Jeff, share your stuff...Jeff, be nice....Jeff, no one will like you if you act that way...."
She was right, but I didn't really care all that much. I was always my own entertainment. Us onlys are like that. I think that's why some of us are very successful and some of us are in mental institutions.
I'm sort of in the middle on that. I have been moderately successful and crazy at the same time. I am a bit eccentric, self centered and crabby, but I can also work with others well enough to be able to prosper and keep a few friends.
All things considered, I am good with that. It could have been a lot worse. Just sayin...
So if I seem really bitchy on a given day and oh so nice on another, it's not necessarily because I'm crazy. It's just the way I am.
I'm trying to get over myself. One day I will....probably in a big car on the way to Hamilton's .
I am so funny
Why is it that most everything pisses me off? Why can I not live and let live? Just because I disagree with something or someone, it does not mean I should go apoplectic. I just have a low tolerance for people that disagree with me or want to do something in a way different from my own.
There is also the introvert factor. I like being alone. I have had precious little of that for the last 5 years and 8 months. Now that I have it back, I would like to keep it. I have a place to hide again where I am in charge and in control. I have no one's feeling to consider except mine and the Lords.But I digress.
Yes, I know that 'me' time is selfish time. But who is injured? No one. And since I do not play well with others (as my kindergarten teacher used to say), it works out for everyone involved.
There are some things in life though that need to be enjoyed, observed or practiced with others. Church is one of those things. Even when I do not want to play with them, I still need them. I should forget about what I want when I am with them and be nice. Mom always used to say, "Jeff, share your stuff...Jeff, be nice....Jeff, no one will like you if you act that way...."
She was right, but I didn't really care all that much. I was always my own entertainment. Us onlys are like that. I think that's why some of us are very successful and some of us are in mental institutions.
I'm sort of in the middle on that. I have been moderately successful and crazy at the same time. I am a bit eccentric, self centered and crabby, but I can also work with others well enough to be able to prosper and keep a few friends.
All things considered, I am good with that. It could have been a lot worse. Just sayin...
So if I seem really bitchy on a given day and oh so nice on another, it's not necessarily because I'm crazy. It's just the way I am.
I'm trying to get over myself. One day I will....probably in a big car on the way to Hamilton's .
I am so funny
Clarity
I'm told that the practice of fasting brings mental, spiritual and emotional clarity. I say I am told this because I have never actually fasted. Through the mechanization's of dementia however, my father seems to be doing just that.
He has not been eating much. He has been refusing his medications. He is now down to water for the most part and the occasional bite of food from his meal tray. He does not eat because, as he says, nothing tastes good to him. I think this is probably true. If you have no appetite and nothing is appetizing, you do not want to eat. I was in the lunch room with him one day and they were serving theses sandwiches. I am not a sandwich person, but he used to be. He had a couple of bites of it and then said it "tastes like rear end". I'm not sure how he would know that, but I did not want to get into the details.
He's just not hungry.
Even so, today when I went in to see him after church, he seemed unusually alert and awake and conversational. He asked me what I had been doing and what I was going to do today. I told him I had been to church and was thinking about a nap this afternoon and then I asked him what he was going to do. He said the calendar was open, but he would find something to keep himself busy.
If you had been there, you would have understood how funny our conversation was. His sense of humor was there and very alive despite his refusal of food and medication. Mentally he seemed more active to me than before his hip fracture. If I did not know better, I would think he is up to something.
His refusal of medication and food tells me that he is trying to die. I might be wrong about this, but you know what? He can do what he wants. He is 80 years old and his prognosis is not good. His future here has no hold on him. He has no reason to stay. Mom will meet him in paradise, he will be in his right mind and there will be no need to worry about eating or meds. Peace is just around the corner.
I wish him well and the best. He can take his time here and go when he wants. He is free to do so and I am sure God has his place ready. In the meantime, care will be provided.
I hope that he and I have a few more moments like this before we have to separate. He was just funny today. I do not relish becoming an orphan, but when the quality of life here becomes awful, a man should be able to go if he wants. It ain't suicide. It's not euthanasia. It's just moving on to the next thing. And that thing is not here. He may be ready for the next adventure. I will let you know if things change.
I love you.
JB
He has not been eating much. He has been refusing his medications. He is now down to water for the most part and the occasional bite of food from his meal tray. He does not eat because, as he says, nothing tastes good to him. I think this is probably true. If you have no appetite and nothing is appetizing, you do not want to eat. I was in the lunch room with him one day and they were serving theses sandwiches. I am not a sandwich person, but he used to be. He had a couple of bites of it and then said it "tastes like rear end". I'm not sure how he would know that, but I did not want to get into the details.
He's just not hungry.
Even so, today when I went in to see him after church, he seemed unusually alert and awake and conversational. He asked me what I had been doing and what I was going to do today. I told him I had been to church and was thinking about a nap this afternoon and then I asked him what he was going to do. He said the calendar was open, but he would find something to keep himself busy.
If you had been there, you would have understood how funny our conversation was. His sense of humor was there and very alive despite his refusal of food and medication. Mentally he seemed more active to me than before his hip fracture. If I did not know better, I would think he is up to something.
His refusal of medication and food tells me that he is trying to die. I might be wrong about this, but you know what? He can do what he wants. He is 80 years old and his prognosis is not good. His future here has no hold on him. He has no reason to stay. Mom will meet him in paradise, he will be in his right mind and there will be no need to worry about eating or meds. Peace is just around the corner.
I wish him well and the best. He can take his time here and go when he wants. He is free to do so and I am sure God has his place ready. In the meantime, care will be provided.
I hope that he and I have a few more moments like this before we have to separate. He was just funny today. I do not relish becoming an orphan, but when the quality of life here becomes awful, a man should be able to go if he wants. It ain't suicide. It's not euthanasia. It's just moving on to the next thing. And that thing is not here. He may be ready for the next adventure. I will let you know if things change.
I love you.
JB
Friday, January 20, 2017
The Ash Heap of History
The following are hereby consigned to the ash heap of history...
The works of these men and women are evil. They must be overturned. Will the Lord Emperor Trump be up to the task? I wonder. We will see.
 |
| Depart From Me Ye Wretched For I Know You Not... |
Last Day of Work For Awhile
Today is my last day of work for awhile. The process of finding my way out of work and into retirement is going to take a bit longer than I thought, but I should still be out this spring sometime. As we get closer and there is a date, I will advise. Because I'm such a youngster, I am not eligible for a vacation payout, so I will be burning my vacation in two week increments beginning today.
It seems there is a lot of stuff involved in reaching escape velocity. Here's to hoping it doesn't kill me.
See ya on the front porch..you kids stay outta my yard...how did that sound?
It seems there is a lot of stuff involved in reaching escape velocity. Here's to hoping it doesn't kill me.
See ya on the front porch..you kids stay outta my yard...how did that sound?
#45
Today the God Emperor Trump ascends to the Cherry Blossom Throne to become the 45th President of the United States of America. The Empire will be his.
Look Dude, you have exactly 4 years to get me interested in voting again. Though I did not cast a ballot, I do believe you were the better of the two choices available. The Whore of Babylon would have sealed our fate. She was one seizure away from throwing the entire country into convulsions. I do hope that her Parkinson's is in remission, but I am quite relieved she is not being sworn in today.
Congratulations Donald.
Congratulations Donald.
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Bradley AKA Chelsea Manning
All Right, I have to say something here. I am not on board with Brad's transition to Chelsea Manning..but...I am on board with what he/she did to bring attention to the high crimes our military was involved in in Iraq and Afghanistan.
I am pleased and proud that in the the last minutes of his administration, President Obama commuted this person's sentence. The world needed to know what our government was doing in those countries. Thankfully, Brad/Chelsea did the right thing and leaked his information to Wikileaks.
I know that Julian Assange offered to surrender to the United States if Brad/Chelsea's sentence was commuted. I can only hope now that the newly minted God Emperor, Donald Trump, will pardon Assange. We need Wikileaks to save us from the fake news spewing daily from CNNCBSMSNBCABCNBCFOX.
All Hail the God Emperor. God save the United States!
I am pleased and proud that in the the last minutes of his administration, President Obama commuted this person's sentence. The world needed to know what our government was doing in those countries. Thankfully, Brad/Chelsea did the right thing and leaked his information to Wikileaks.
I know that Julian Assange offered to surrender to the United States if Brad/Chelsea's sentence was commuted. I can only hope now that the newly minted God Emperor, Donald Trump, will pardon Assange. We need Wikileaks to save us from the fake news spewing daily from CNNCBSMSNBCABCNBCFOX.
All Hail the God Emperor. God save the United States!
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Roasted Cornish Hens and Potatoes
I have long had a fixation on baked chicken. I especially like Cornish hens. They are so bite size. I love them. Tonight I baked a couple of them.
Compound butter under the skin made up of butter, parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, garlic and onion powder. Baked for 1 hour at 350. New potatoes covered in olive oil with sea salt, black pepper, garlic and onion powder also baked for an hour at 400 degrees.
Steamed broccoli (for 10 minutes) with sea salt, black pepper and butter sprinkled with shredded Parmesan.
Delicious.
Compound butter under the skin made up of butter, parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, garlic and onion powder. Baked for 1 hour at 350. New potatoes covered in olive oil with sea salt, black pepper, garlic and onion powder also baked for an hour at 400 degrees.
Steamed broccoli (for 10 minutes) with sea salt, black pepper and butter sprinkled with shredded Parmesan.
Delicious.
My State of Mind
After the last post, some might think I'm having some difficulty.
I am.
I am kind of dry. Given that dryness is a normal state for me, that would mean I am the 'as arid as Death Valley in July' kind of dry. I feel spent. I feel like my focus and purpose is gone; that, in fact, God may be done with me here.
I guess that could be the case. I will be 60 this year. What have I got left to do? Nothing really. No big tasks beyond getting things ready before I die. That will keep me busy for a couple of years maybe. Beyond that, I do not see much of a future.
You say, well surely there are things you want to do or see once you're retired.
To that I say, 'well maybe', but the prospect of doing them alone is kind of boring. I could take someone with me, but what will people say? Especially Christian people. If I take a guy, they will think we're knockin boots. If I take a girl, they will think, 'well maybe he changed his mind. They should get married'.
There is also the fact that God and I are still in disagreement over certain things. He may decide to take me out before I really do something stupid.
Everything is just in flux right now. There is uncertainty in my life again that has not been there for the last 5+ years. I kind of hate it. I am accustomed to duty and serving because I am supposed to. The freedom to do something else has never been a possibility that I gave consideration too.
Now it is. Add this to the fact that I am losing interest in teaching my class at church. I kind of want to retire from that too. And it might be time. I am getting kind of boring I think. It might be time for me to go.
I really think I'm done. God has not indicated otherwise. I am not equipped to do much beyond what I have been doing. It might be time to pack it in and seek more heavenly havens. What would be so bad about that?
I've been told that every time God closes a door, he opens another one. Maybe he is getting ready to open the last door for me.
I think I have an adventure coming one way or another. It will be interesting to see what happens.
Lord, I need direction.
I am.
I am kind of dry. Given that dryness is a normal state for me, that would mean I am the 'as arid as Death Valley in July' kind of dry. I feel spent. I feel like my focus and purpose is gone; that, in fact, God may be done with me here.
I guess that could be the case. I will be 60 this year. What have I got left to do? Nothing really. No big tasks beyond getting things ready before I die. That will keep me busy for a couple of years maybe. Beyond that, I do not see much of a future.
You say, well surely there are things you want to do or see once you're retired.
To that I say, 'well maybe', but the prospect of doing them alone is kind of boring. I could take someone with me, but what will people say? Especially Christian people. If I take a guy, they will think we're knockin boots. If I take a girl, they will think, 'well maybe he changed his mind. They should get married'.
There is also the fact that God and I are still in disagreement over certain things. He may decide to take me out before I really do something stupid.
Everything is just in flux right now. There is uncertainty in my life again that has not been there for the last 5+ years. I kind of hate it. I am accustomed to duty and serving because I am supposed to. The freedom to do something else has never been a possibility that I gave consideration too.
Now it is. Add this to the fact that I am losing interest in teaching my class at church. I kind of want to retire from that too. And it might be time. I am getting kind of boring I think. It might be time for me to go.
I really think I'm done. God has not indicated otherwise. I am not equipped to do much beyond what I have been doing. It might be time to pack it in and seek more heavenly havens. What would be so bad about that?
I've been told that every time God closes a door, he opens another one. Maybe he is getting ready to open the last door for me.
I think I have an adventure coming one way or another. It will be interesting to see what happens.
Lord, I need direction.
The Annual Meeting....An Opinion
I went to the annual meeting at church this afternoon. It was really boring....for me. I seem to have an entirely different view of what church should be about than everyone else. I think it's because I am single. Probably is. Church today is geared toward families. I am obviously not concerned about the future of the church for my kids or my grand-kids, but that might be because I don't have any.
My thoughts about church finance, what programs will be available, whether or not the mortgage is paid and what we do with offerings big and small does not matter to me.
In my thought process, I have come to believe that if the Lord wants the church to continue, it will. It has nothing to do with money or programs or kids or families. It has to do with faith. As long as faith and love are alive and well in a church, Jesus will not extinguish their lamp. This is why I think the doors have remained open at my church since 1856. I am of the opinion that they will remain open for this reason alone. We may not always have enormous facilities and real estate to boast about, but it is a place where people can learn what Jesus has to offer. This is a good thing.
There was a concern about the disconnect between church and how we really all live at home and in the world. This is a centuries old problem. The church gives all who attend a working knowledge of the faith and truth, but it cannot impart faith. That must come from other sources. Some say it must come at home. I do not disagree with this. It helps the process. If what is learned at church is practiced at home and in life in the outside world, there will most likely be a life consistency to our faith.
Many are lost to the world during the college years. My thought is that it might have something to do with home life and again it might not. We all have learning curves. Those that left home and family and did not reconnect with another church are not necessarily lost to the faith forever. It is my contention and personal experience that we find our way back in one way or another. If the seeds of faith are there, we will eventually come back through the creation of a faith of our own.
No amount of self help books or Home Pointe recipe cards is going to change that. Those things do allow church leadership to pass the buck and say 'we gave you the resources. If you failed, it's your fault'. But those things alone will not engender a lasting, lifelong faith.
Really. All that is up to God is it not? He will ensure that none of those he has chosen will escape his grasp. Like churches, God saves the ones he knows have faith and love. He has their entire life to do this and sometimes it takes that long.
God takes our initial spark of faith, trust and love and he does stuff with it throughout our lifetimes that we do not see until we come close to the end. That's how badly He wants to save us. That is my perspective at almost 60 years of age. You might think something else. I'm good with that. But you know I never think I'm wrong, so just give it up. OK?
On last thing. Apparently the elders are spending their time praying for the congregation which is a good thing, but then they intend to go out two by two and visit us all in our homes announced or otherwise.
Nope. Not gonna do it. Stop by if you want. I will not be coming to the door. If I want company, I will issue invitations. My time at home is my own. If I want to share, I will....right now I do not. I will get back to you if that changes. I live back from the road near the woods. I like to walk around the house naked with loud music blaring (there's a warning :^) I really do not think that you want to share that time with me.
It was suggested by someone that refusing an elder visit meant that I have something to hide.
I do have many things that I hide. You will not discover what they are by coming to my house. The Lord knows what they are, but He's not talking either.
So get over it. Put me on the 'do not call' list.
It is the height of rudeness to invite yourself to some one's house, even if you announce that is your plan. It is way out of line. I do not even go to a friend or relatives house unless I am invited. It is in bad taste.
Again, please put me on the 'do not call' list.
It might even be a reason people leave the church. Just sayin.
My thoughts about church finance, what programs will be available, whether or not the mortgage is paid and what we do with offerings big and small does not matter to me.
In my thought process, I have come to believe that if the Lord wants the church to continue, it will. It has nothing to do with money or programs or kids or families. It has to do with faith. As long as faith and love are alive and well in a church, Jesus will not extinguish their lamp. This is why I think the doors have remained open at my church since 1856. I am of the opinion that they will remain open for this reason alone. We may not always have enormous facilities and real estate to boast about, but it is a place where people can learn what Jesus has to offer. This is a good thing.
There was a concern about the disconnect between church and how we really all live at home and in the world. This is a centuries old problem. The church gives all who attend a working knowledge of the faith and truth, but it cannot impart faith. That must come from other sources. Some say it must come at home. I do not disagree with this. It helps the process. If what is learned at church is practiced at home and in life in the outside world, there will most likely be a life consistency to our faith.
Many are lost to the world during the college years. My thought is that it might have something to do with home life and again it might not. We all have learning curves. Those that left home and family and did not reconnect with another church are not necessarily lost to the faith forever. It is my contention and personal experience that we find our way back in one way or another. If the seeds of faith are there, we will eventually come back through the creation of a faith of our own.
No amount of self help books or Home Pointe recipe cards is going to change that. Those things do allow church leadership to pass the buck and say 'we gave you the resources. If you failed, it's your fault'. But those things alone will not engender a lasting, lifelong faith.
Really. All that is up to God is it not? He will ensure that none of those he has chosen will escape his grasp. Like churches, God saves the ones he knows have faith and love. He has their entire life to do this and sometimes it takes that long.
God takes our initial spark of faith, trust and love and he does stuff with it throughout our lifetimes that we do not see until we come close to the end. That's how badly He wants to save us. That is my perspective at almost 60 years of age. You might think something else. I'm good with that. But you know I never think I'm wrong, so just give it up. OK?
On last thing. Apparently the elders are spending their time praying for the congregation which is a good thing, but then they intend to go out two by two and visit us all in our homes announced or otherwise.
Nope. Not gonna do it. Stop by if you want. I will not be coming to the door. If I want company, I will issue invitations. My time at home is my own. If I want to share, I will....right now I do not. I will get back to you if that changes. I live back from the road near the woods. I like to walk around the house naked with loud music blaring (there's a warning :^) I really do not think that you want to share that time with me.
It was suggested by someone that refusing an elder visit meant that I have something to hide.
I do have many things that I hide. You will not discover what they are by coming to my house. The Lord knows what they are, but He's not talking either.
So get over it. Put me on the 'do not call' list.
It is the height of rudeness to invite yourself to some one's house, even if you announce that is your plan. It is way out of line. I do not even go to a friend or relatives house unless I am invited. It is in bad taste.
Again, please put me on the 'do not call' list.
It might even be a reason people leave the church. Just sayin.
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Dad On January 11, 2017
I went in to see Dad yesterday at Parkridge before work. It's my daily ritual. I'm not sure if he knows I come every day or if he remembers I was there after I'm gone. I will go later this morning prior to work.
I had a talk with his nurses yesterday with Dad present. He is still not eating. He has lost a total of 37 lbs since his first day in the hospital on December 1. He was not eating much at the hospital and he is eating even less at the long term care facility. It's not that the food is bad. I have eaten it and it is good. I also know you can gain weight there because I have a second cousin living there who says she has gained 60 lbs since she got there. She likes the food too.
I believe his loss of appetite is a function of his Alzheimer's. They have tried giving him a protein drink, but he won't drink that either and when they try to feed him, he gets mean. My thought is that if he doesn't want to eat, he doesn't have to. His long term prognosis is not good anyway and his self willed nature, which seems unaffected by the dementia, causes him to dig in his heels. It's not worth the fight with him.
The nurses asked me about a feeding tube. I said absolutely not. Mom and Dad both set up living wills when they were my age. Extreme measures like feeding tubes were in the mix of things forbidden for use in such a time as this. I guess I just never thought I would be the one to enforce the terms. Dad would most likely fight the tube or pull it out anyway.
So no feeding tube for Dennis...
One thing that has not changed is his appreciation of women. I am told by the female staff that he regularly will give them a smack on the butt. I have not seen him in flirtation mode since well before Mom died. Now, with his filters gone, it will be interesting to see where this goes.
I guess maybe that's the last thing to go.
We humans are an odd bunch. I hope I'm not grabbin the male staff when my time comes. Then again, it might be fun and being old is the perfect excuse for that sort of thing. (;^)))))
Later
I had a talk with his nurses yesterday with Dad present. He is still not eating. He has lost a total of 37 lbs since his first day in the hospital on December 1. He was not eating much at the hospital and he is eating even less at the long term care facility. It's not that the food is bad. I have eaten it and it is good. I also know you can gain weight there because I have a second cousin living there who says she has gained 60 lbs since she got there. She likes the food too.
I believe his loss of appetite is a function of his Alzheimer's. They have tried giving him a protein drink, but he won't drink that either and when they try to feed him, he gets mean. My thought is that if he doesn't want to eat, he doesn't have to. His long term prognosis is not good anyway and his self willed nature, which seems unaffected by the dementia, causes him to dig in his heels. It's not worth the fight with him.
The nurses asked me about a feeding tube. I said absolutely not. Mom and Dad both set up living wills when they were my age. Extreme measures like feeding tubes were in the mix of things forbidden for use in such a time as this. I guess I just never thought I would be the one to enforce the terms. Dad would most likely fight the tube or pull it out anyway.
So no feeding tube for Dennis...
One thing that has not changed is his appreciation of women. I am told by the female staff that he regularly will give them a smack on the butt. I have not seen him in flirtation mode since well before Mom died. Now, with his filters gone, it will be interesting to see where this goes.
I guess maybe that's the last thing to go.
We humans are an odd bunch. I hope I'm not grabbin the male staff when my time comes. Then again, it might be fun and being old is the perfect excuse for that sort of thing. (;^)))))
Later
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Monday, January 9, 2017
I Do Not Know My Father...
This is not a "Daddy Dearest" memorandum or a polemic against my Dad. I am trying to assess how he and I got to this place in our lives with some honest reflection about our relationship situation. So, here goes...
Dennis has been my father for 59+ years. I spent the first 18 years of my life with him and Mom. After that, I was home with them off and on again after that until I was 22. In that time, I never knew need. I was cared for in terms of necessity in the best way. I always had what I needed and most of what I wanted. The only thing that I was ever missing was relationship, most especially with my father. As I look back at those years now, I wonder at what happened. It seems like from my birth, Dad and I were always at odds, maybe even in competition, and I do not know what for. Mom's attention? Approval from Mom and grandparents? I don't know.
Dad has never been one to share things with me. Emotions and feelings were not something he did when he was with me. It could be that he was unable to do them or he thought they were unmanly and did not want me to get sissified. If that was the intent, it obviously did not work :) Maybe he only ever shared with Mom. He is epileptic and emotions and stress would sometimes drive his seizures. He just never expressed things like approval, love or concern to his son - me. He never even tried to build any kind of real relationship with me. I was always my mothers problem or something for my grandparents to deal with. There was either something too intense for him about me or he just resented me. Maybe both. Nevertheless, he upheld his material, and to a certain extent, his spiritual responsibilities. He did teach me a few things for which I am eternally grateful. It's those things that bind us today.
Love for my mother. I know how much he loved her. Even when I was in high school I would come home late to find them lying on the couch together making out. It was more like they were in high school. Even when they argued with each other, you could feel the love. I never had any doubt about his love for her.
The value of a good knot. I remember when he taught me how to tie my shoes. I was between 3 and 4 years old. We were moving from Bonderant to Des Moines. I'm not sure where Mom was, but we were at the house in Bonderant and I was running around the house like a wild man with untied tennis shoes. We sat down on the floor of the near empty house together and over and over again, he showed me what to do to keep my shoes tied. He held my hands in his as we made the shoe strings do their thing. By the end of that day, I could tie my shoes like a champ. Since that time, I have had the privilege of tying his sneakers many times. He also taught me what I call the universal fisherman's knot for tying hooks and lures to your fishing line. It's kind of a backward hangman's noose. Fishing is something we did together and without Mom for the most part. Sometimes Gramps was in attendance, but fishing is what we did together. They were not always pleasant trips, but it was, as they say, quality time. I always looked forward to them in spite of some of the unpleasantness that might occur. Let me just say that sometimes we were equally disagreeable. Then there was the knot of knots. When I began wearing the occasional tie to church or social occasions it was always a clip on. I graduated finally to a man's tie and he showed me the double Windsor knot. It was quite stylish in the 70's to sport a double Windsor on your paisley tie. Now I can tie a perfect neck knot with my eyes closed. Knots are invaluable tools, I'm tellin you.
The ability to do hard work and do it well. Dennis was a bit of a perfectionist with a touch of OCD. There was only one correct way to do any task...his way. I admired the time he would spend in his struggle to make it , whatever it was, just right. But when I would come up with a way to achieve the same result with a labor saving, time saving method, I was just being lazy. We were both relentless in our efforts to finish our work with quality results. We just disagreed on methodology. Perhaps the whole thing amounted to him wanting his son to do it the way he always did it. Innovation was not his style. Following his prescribed method was what it was all about. One does not mow the lawn to get it over with. One mows the lawn to mow the lawn. He was, in many ways, very Zen.
Faithfulness. He loved the church and I am certain he loves Jesus. It was evidenced by his attendance and participation in things at church. He taught the 5th grade boys. He taught Sunday night youth group for the same ages. He was a deacon and served on the board at church. He and Mom also ran the bus program when we had a church bus. There are people at our church today that came up through that program. He just never shared his faith with me beyond what we did at church. To this day, I still do not know if he had a favorite scripture or a favorite hymn or song. We seldom prayed at home even at mealtime. We certainly never had devotions before bed. The whole thing would have been way too intimate for him to deal with. In some ways, he always lacked depth at home that he would show in other places.
Stubbornness. This is a two edged sword in the world of personality traits. When it is abused it becomes a refusal to admit one is wrong; it's a prideful tool of the adversary. When it is used appropriately, it becomes a virtue; an unbending desire to do or follow what is right and moral. Dad has always had the confidence that he is right....about everything. Me too. The problem is - was - will always be that we are not always right. Hence the dilemma. Dad and I could not both be right about an issue unless we were in agreement. Agreement did not happen much. Nonetheless, the stubbornness that I learned from him has made me strong and resilient in matters of morality and life decisions even as it has made me self righteous on many occasions and even weak.
These are a few things I learned from my father. As I was typing them out, I realized something. I know him better than I thought I did. I know him because much of what he is is in me. For good or ill, I am my father's child.
He inadvertantly helped me learn about God's grace too, but that will have to wait for another time.
Dennis has been my father for 59+ years. I spent the first 18 years of my life with him and Mom. After that, I was home with them off and on again after that until I was 22. In that time, I never knew need. I was cared for in terms of necessity in the best way. I always had what I needed and most of what I wanted. The only thing that I was ever missing was relationship, most especially with my father. As I look back at those years now, I wonder at what happened. It seems like from my birth, Dad and I were always at odds, maybe even in competition, and I do not know what for. Mom's attention? Approval from Mom and grandparents? I don't know.
Dad has never been one to share things with me. Emotions and feelings were not something he did when he was with me. It could be that he was unable to do them or he thought they were unmanly and did not want me to get sissified. If that was the intent, it obviously did not work :) Maybe he only ever shared with Mom. He is epileptic and emotions and stress would sometimes drive his seizures. He just never expressed things like approval, love or concern to his son - me. He never even tried to build any kind of real relationship with me. I was always my mothers problem or something for my grandparents to deal with. There was either something too intense for him about me or he just resented me. Maybe both. Nevertheless, he upheld his material, and to a certain extent, his spiritual responsibilities. He did teach me a few things for which I am eternally grateful. It's those things that bind us today.
Love for my mother. I know how much he loved her. Even when I was in high school I would come home late to find them lying on the couch together making out. It was more like they were in high school. Even when they argued with each other, you could feel the love. I never had any doubt about his love for her.
The value of a good knot. I remember when he taught me how to tie my shoes. I was between 3 and 4 years old. We were moving from Bonderant to Des Moines. I'm not sure where Mom was, but we were at the house in Bonderant and I was running around the house like a wild man with untied tennis shoes. We sat down on the floor of the near empty house together and over and over again, he showed me what to do to keep my shoes tied. He held my hands in his as we made the shoe strings do their thing. By the end of that day, I could tie my shoes like a champ. Since that time, I have had the privilege of tying his sneakers many times. He also taught me what I call the universal fisherman's knot for tying hooks and lures to your fishing line. It's kind of a backward hangman's noose. Fishing is something we did together and without Mom for the most part. Sometimes Gramps was in attendance, but fishing is what we did together. They were not always pleasant trips, but it was, as they say, quality time. I always looked forward to them in spite of some of the unpleasantness that might occur. Let me just say that sometimes we were equally disagreeable. Then there was the knot of knots. When I began wearing the occasional tie to church or social occasions it was always a clip on. I graduated finally to a man's tie and he showed me the double Windsor knot. It was quite stylish in the 70's to sport a double Windsor on your paisley tie. Now I can tie a perfect neck knot with my eyes closed. Knots are invaluable tools, I'm tellin you.
The ability to do hard work and do it well. Dennis was a bit of a perfectionist with a touch of OCD. There was only one correct way to do any task...his way. I admired the time he would spend in his struggle to make it , whatever it was, just right. But when I would come up with a way to achieve the same result with a labor saving, time saving method, I was just being lazy. We were both relentless in our efforts to finish our work with quality results. We just disagreed on methodology. Perhaps the whole thing amounted to him wanting his son to do it the way he always did it. Innovation was not his style. Following his prescribed method was what it was all about. One does not mow the lawn to get it over with. One mows the lawn to mow the lawn. He was, in many ways, very Zen.
Faithfulness. He loved the church and I am certain he loves Jesus. It was evidenced by his attendance and participation in things at church. He taught the 5th grade boys. He taught Sunday night youth group for the same ages. He was a deacon and served on the board at church. He and Mom also ran the bus program when we had a church bus. There are people at our church today that came up through that program. He just never shared his faith with me beyond what we did at church. To this day, I still do not know if he had a favorite scripture or a favorite hymn or song. We seldom prayed at home even at mealtime. We certainly never had devotions before bed. The whole thing would have been way too intimate for him to deal with. In some ways, he always lacked depth at home that he would show in other places.
Stubbornness. This is a two edged sword in the world of personality traits. When it is abused it becomes a refusal to admit one is wrong; it's a prideful tool of the adversary. When it is used appropriately, it becomes a virtue; an unbending desire to do or follow what is right and moral. Dad has always had the confidence that he is right....about everything. Me too. The problem is - was - will always be that we are not always right. Hence the dilemma. Dad and I could not both be right about an issue unless we were in agreement. Agreement did not happen much. Nonetheless, the stubbornness that I learned from him has made me strong and resilient in matters of morality and life decisions even as it has made me self righteous on many occasions and even weak.
These are a few things I learned from my father. As I was typing them out, I realized something. I know him better than I thought I did. I know him because much of what he is is in me. For good or ill, I am my father's child.
He inadvertantly helped me learn about God's grace too, but that will have to wait for another time.
Sunday, January 8, 2017
Monday, January 2, 2017
Jalapeno Bacon
I had the Jalapeno Bacon from Petty Brothers today. I prepared it on the George Foreman as I did the last batch of peppered bacon. It had most of the same characteristics as the peppered with one difference. The heat was incredible. One might expect this from bacon that had been cured with Jalapeno., but it was hot. The heat was not intolerable. I might even go so far as to say that it was just right...except...the heat kind of interfered with the actual flavor of the bacon. I could not taste bacon. What I tasted was very hot and chewy, but I had no clue it was bacon.
They should probably dial it back a bit so that all the flavors come through. This is not so much criticism as it is advice. I am sure that Petty Brothers have customers that love it just the way it is, but I would like to taste the bacon too. That's my opinion. It is some spicy bacon. Even with the heat, I still ate the whole pound. I'm tellin ya, hogs are not safe around me. I love me some bacon. Bring it!
They should probably dial it back a bit so that all the flavors come through. This is not so much criticism as it is advice. I am sure that Petty Brothers have customers that love it just the way it is, but I would like to taste the bacon too. That's my opinion. It is some spicy bacon. Even with the heat, I still ate the whole pound. I'm tellin ya, hogs are not safe around me. I love me some bacon. Bring it!
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