Who Do You Say That I Am...

That was the question that Jesus put to Simon Peter and the boys while they were visiting Mt Hermon. It's a big question. Peter answered correctly, but only with some inspiration from an outside Source. He failed the other half of the test by offering his own answers. Funny that.

Sometimes, despite our best instincts, we still do not get the full picture. I do not know Jesus as well as I should and I will be on the downside of 59 years old after Sunday at 3:00 AM. Even with all that has ever been written or said about Him, I do not think any of us know Him as we should. We tend to create God in our own image despite commandments not to do that. Why is that? I am not sure.

I remember watching "The Greatest Story Ever Told" when I was a kid. The acting was not great, but it was a fair reflection of what's in the gospels. The end needed some work. I questioned many things in the movie, but something I never questioned until recently was the casting. Jesus was played by a young, good looking Max Von Sydow, a Swedish German actor, as white as I am with blue eyes and reddish blond hair.

Really? Jesus was a Caucasian? NOT!

Jesus was a Palestinian Semetic Jew. His skin would have been very dark, His eyes brown. Today we would think He looked Arabic. He may even have had curly or kinky hair. Isaiah, in chapter 53 of his prophecy says:

2     He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
    and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
    nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
³ He was despised and rejected by mankind,
    a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
    he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

⁴ Surely he took up our pain
    and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
    stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.

Jesus was probably not a good looking man. People could not look at Him. There may be a number of reasons for that. I cannot imagine staring into His eyes, especially knowing that He knows me better than I do and I still know next to nothing about Him, at least by comparison. I can imagine feeling this massive conviction in His stare, the presence of holiness, judgement and also love and compassion and everything that goes with it. As I have said before, He is my Lord and my God and my Friend. Even so, I too would fear to see Him just as He is. Like Peter, I too would fumble for words, all the time knowing that I should just keep my mouth shut.  

I am awed by His presence in my life, in scripture and out in His creation. He leaves me feeling so small. I wonder what He really thinks about me in my present state. What does He see? What would He say to me? Who would He say that I am??? What would He say about His other followers - His Church? Who are we in His mind? 

These questions vex me. I do not think we know ourselves as well as He knows us. We have no choice but to be transparent before Him. We cannot hide who we are from the face of the Living God. 

So why do we try to hide like Adam and Eve after the illicit dining episode? We hide from each other, we put on facades, we try to be things we are not or we are loathe to admit we are not who we seem to be.

In past months I have tried to be more transparent about who I really am with my brethren. The tough things that Jesus knows about me have been revealed. Opening up to my church as SSA has been both positive and negative. My news was received well, mostly due to 37 years of celibacy which I cannot prove, but I assured them was true. It is true. None the less, I sometimes think that I have been labeled and sidelined. This is probably just my insecurity and some stinkin thinkin, but I feel that way sometimes. There was, as I have mentioned before, a number of other things in that closet of mine that were quite unpleasant. I continue to deal with them as well as the SSA. Transparency has it's drawbacks. 

I say drawbacks. Maybe I say that because of how it all makes me feel. Do we not need to expose all these things to the Light so that He can give us Life? I am thinking so. James said to "consider it a pure joy..." A new friend said I needed to man up and "embrace the suckage..", and really, this is what we have to do no matter what our issues are if we hope to become what Jesus wants us to be.

So, in the end, what I am is a child of God. It is my God given right. Only He can revoke that right. Only I can mess that up. I have a few years left to me, so I could mess this up. I can't let that happen. I do not believe He will let that happen. I think I'm going to make it.

But what about the 'us' part of this equation? I am part of the greater body of Christ - the Church. Should we all start being transparent, open and honest about who we are and what our struggles are? I don't know. There are days when I wish I could put all my junk back into the boxes and go back into that closet. 

You know what? You can't go back. I can't go back. I need the Light. So do you.

I have seen cracks in the veneer of many closet doors at my local church. People are opening up in church, in Sunday school and in small groups. Now is the time. We need to admit who we really are, get to know ourselves and each other and let the Light and Love of our Savior bring us to the finish line.

"Well it's all so embarrassing to have your junk out there for any and everyone to see" says you. Ya, it can be . Get over yourself. You want the shame and guilt to go away? Get it out of your system. Dump it. There will be a mess. Deal with it. It will take time, but now you will have help.

Join me in becoming a Child of God. It's your right and heritage.