Trapped

Ya, ya'll got me trapped. It's like I'm in a box; a mouse in a maze that has no outlet, no way out. I run the circuit and end up back where I started.

Let me explain. It has to do with what I discussed last night here on the blog.

I had a conversation with a Christian friend two or three weeks ago, maybe a month ago. I asked him what he thought everyone at church would say if, after my Dad passes, that I take a roommate. I was thinking, maybe a divorced or widowed man around my age that knew my story and did not care, but did not want to live alone or remarry. At my age, even an SSA guy in my situation might be a good roommate. Our age and capabilities should prevent sexual entanglements and we would still have much to talk about, many things in common. We could love each other without loving each other if you get my drift. 

I also asked if a female roommate would be OK in the eyes of the brethren. I mean, it's not like we would be romantically or sexually linked. We would be company for each other; Christians that live in community, having all things in common.

The questions put to me were interesting. Regarding the first situation, I was asked, could I control myself? That's a good question; a fair question. Given that it would take an erector set and some Viagra to give me something to control, I think it would be all right. I have always been one to push the limits of what is acceptable, but I think age and laziness would prevent me taking that course.

There was also the question of how it would look...that one really peels back the skin of my temper, so I will not go there.

Moving in with a woman of similar age presented similar issues. All the questions here seemed to center on how it would look and also self control. And finally, if it's a woman, why not just marry?
Really? Marry? Whatever for? Is it just to ease the more prurient, weak minded, conscience stricken onlookers to such an arrangement? Wow.

And so I am boxed in. Permanently enmazed. No way out.

"You must live alone in loneliness with no one to go home to, no one to be your partner or friend when everyone else is home with theirs."

OK

I'm having a problem with that. First, the box you are putting me in is not God's box. It's yours. God did not say all Christian SSA folks have to live alone. I'm sorry, He did not! Second, why is it the automatic assumption of Christians that I and my currently imaginary roommate would be unable to refrain from whatever simply because of proximity?

You see what I'm saying here right?

So let me throw something else into the mix. As the church, we often accuse the world of sexualizing everything. When we put people in these kinds of impossible situations, are we not sexualizing the situation?

Repressing the desire for love, friendship and companionship can actually increase the desire for it. I know this better than any of you. I know this because I have had to do it all my life. I know this because I am so incredibly lonely. All I want is a companion. I am missing my other half. Some of you more sensitive type guys can see this in my eyes when you look at me. I know you can.

I am relationally deformed. It would be nice to have that healed before I die.

You say, "maybe a roommate is not the answer to that". You might be right.

Tell me friend, what is the answer?