Playing The Game

I have said this before. I am a restorationist. I am an idealist. I hold things up to the light and measure them against what should be the standard, and as you might guess, I am greeted with disappointment.

I find I do this with the Church. There are so many options out there and guess what; none of them measure up to what I see in scripture - for the most part. There are so many places that get hung up with human rule making and many times, the rules are allowed to overrule the love and grace of Jesus Christ. It's unfortunate.

The way in which churches choose leadership and staff is interesting and mostly unbiblical. Have we studied the book of Acts? How did the first Christians choose their leadership?

They did not. God chose the original leadership of the church. That leadership appointed pastors, elders and teachers and they also set up a standard for future generations that they (we) could use to make more leaders. It was simple.

Later though, men, eager to maintain powerful positions within churches, began to build rules around the biblical standard. Those rules differ depending on your denomination. Even if you are an independent, self governing church, there are man made rules - hoops that men must jump through if they wish to become leaders or staff members in their congregations.

There are background checks, education requirements, experience requirements, moral requirements and the list goes on. Bible colleges are more like denominational headquarters designed to keep certain traditions of men in place as they train future church leaders and staff members. All of these things are man made, worldly, and I might add, thoroughly western. They are not quite like the traditions of the Pharisees, but they sometimes approach that. And there is crony-ism. One gets where they are going in a church because of who they know. What a mess that can be.

This stuff is just not in the Bible. It can crush the desire to serve. It is designed to vet; to keep out anyone that does not agree with the status quo. It is designed to control and crush obedient non-rule keepers.

What it really does is crush the movement of the Spirit in a church. Many churches lose good men to other churches because they would not take a risk or because they did not measure up to the man made standard or because they had a different point of view.

We need to wake up.

Jesus took a risk with me years ago and it's finally paying off for both of us. I love Him. He took a risk with y'all too. Remember that the next time you decide to exclude someone because they do not want to play your games.      

Denial

In the world, denial is a bad thing. People that are in denial are those that refuse to accept certain truths about themselves or the world around them. They live in La La Land which is just east of the Denial River. They create their own reality and make themselves at home, all the while denying what everyone else can clearly see.

Denial can be deliberate blindness to the facts of a situation.

The gospel brings denial full circle. When we were presented with the gospel, we had to admit certain truths about ourselves or the way we lived or how we processed reality or all three of those things. We had to admit that we were sinners in need of a Savior; something that many of us would have denied in our previous lives. It was hard. It was joyful. It was freeing. The release from denial is much like purging a bad taco, but I digress.

As Christians though, in our saved state, we are asked once again go back into denial. Yes that's right. Jesus demands it if we are to be His followers.

Luke 9:23-25

²³ Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. ²⁴ For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. ²⁵ What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?

You see, even though we are saved and free, we still live in bodies that desire sin, that desire that old way of life. There is still a certain longing for what we had before Jesus set us free. 

Jesus says we have to put those things to death by denying the desires that come from our corrupted flesh. We must instead follow Him.

This is what it means to take up your cross. In the ancient Roman world, when a man took up a cross, he was going to his own death. Likewise, we must die to the realities daily presented to us by our bodies of sin. We have to crucify them, deny them and walk toward Jesus.

If you are a Christian, denial becomes the completion of what you are becoming; a Son of the Living God. Denial is a good thing. But it's hard to let go of the desires of the flesh. It can hurt. It can be painful. It can be lonely. It can be strenuous. Such is our slow death on our crosses. Crucifixion is messy, public, embarrassing and tortuous. 

But we must die, we must deny, if we want to really Live.

And so it goes...denial, in the long run, can be good. Die to yourself. Live for Him.   

Who You Are: A Message To All Men

The speaker is Jon Jorgenson. He is what I would call motivational.
He seems to be Christian. I know little else about him, but it certainly
has rinsed my mind out after my previous two blog posts.



I found the video at Your Other Brothers.
It was presented with a blog post by Tom Zuniga and it is inspiring.
Sometimes us Christian SSA's need some inspiration. We walk a tight rope
in our personal and spiritual lives and sometime we get tired. That's
probably where I am at right now. I am just tired. This guy in the video
pushes. All the best people in my life have pushed. Sometimes I make
them pay for that and I apologize, but please, keep on pushing. Thanks
Guys!



Enjoy the video.  

Trapped

Ya, ya'll got me trapped. It's like I'm in a box; a mouse in a maze that has no outlet, no way out. I run the circuit and end up back where I started.

Let me explain. It has to do with what I discussed last night here on the blog.

I had a conversation with a Christian friend two or three weeks ago, maybe a month ago. I asked him what he thought everyone at church would say if, after my Dad passes, that I take a roommate. I was thinking, maybe a divorced or widowed man around my age that knew my story and did not care, but did not want to live alone or remarry. At my age, even an SSA guy in my situation might be a good roommate. Our age and capabilities should prevent sexual entanglements and we would still have much to talk about, many things in common. We could love each other without loving each other if you get my drift. 

I also asked if a female roommate would be OK in the eyes of the brethren. I mean, it's not like we would be romantically or sexually linked. We would be company for each other; Christians that live in community, having all things in common.

The questions put to me were interesting. Regarding the first situation, I was asked, could I control myself? That's a good question; a fair question. Given that it would take an erector set and some Viagra to give me something to control, I think it would be all right. I have always been one to push the limits of what is acceptable, but I think age and laziness would prevent me taking that course.

There was also the question of how it would look...that one really peels back the skin of my temper, so I will not go there.

Moving in with a woman of similar age presented similar issues. All the questions here seemed to center on how it would look and also self control. And finally, if it's a woman, why not just marry?
Really? Marry? Whatever for? Is it just to ease the more prurient, weak minded, conscience stricken onlookers to such an arrangement? Wow.

And so I am boxed in. Permanently enmazed. No way out.

"You must live alone in loneliness with no one to go home to, no one to be your partner or friend when everyone else is home with theirs."

OK

I'm having a problem with that. First, the box you are putting me in is not God's box. It's yours. God did not say all Christian SSA folks have to live alone. I'm sorry, He did not! Second, why is it the automatic assumption of Christians that I and my currently imaginary roommate would be unable to refrain from whatever simply because of proximity?

You see what I'm saying here right?

So let me throw something else into the mix. As the church, we often accuse the world of sexualizing everything. When we put people in these kinds of impossible situations, are we not sexualizing the situation?

Repressing the desire for love, friendship and companionship can actually increase the desire for it. I know this better than any of you. I know this because I have had to do it all my life. I know this because I am so incredibly lonely. All I want is a companion. I am missing my other half. Some of you more sensitive type guys can see this in my eyes when you look at me. I know you can.

I am relationally deformed. It would be nice to have that healed before I die.

You say, "maybe a roommate is not the answer to that". You might be right.

Tell me friend, what is the answer?     

The Sandwich Generation

My generation has been called the Sandwich Generation and appropriately so. Many of my peers, like myself, have become caregivers for their elderly parents. They also have the honor of continuing to care for their adult children. I know some people that have their 30 year old offspring living in the basement and their senile father living upstairs with them. It's an odd arrangement.

I only have one slice of bread in my sandwich. Dad is 80 and bat shit crazy, but all his intentions are good. His Alzheimer's is becalmed by something called Namenda and he can mow lawn like a 20 year old. Ya, it's not a push mower and that helps, but it keeps him happy and focused in the spring and summer. This winter might be an issue. We will see.

I kind of wish I had a 30 year old in the house to help. I should have made that deposit at the sperm bank back in 1987. Didn't do it. Too late now.

I have no heir. I need one. Applications are available in the lobby. I am prime sugar daddy material and I am kind of harmless. All you have to do is be nice to me for ten or fifteen years and you will do well.

All kidding aside guys, it would be a great job. Adoption would be required. Visit me, be my friend, engage me in intelligent conversation, argue with me, have dinner with me once in awhile...nothing wrong with that right? If you cared about me and loved me, that would be a bonus for both of us, but not a requirement. You can fake it. Best of all, there would be no sex involved. Even so, if you're hot, that would help (;^)))   

I am so funny.

I have some heirs in mind actually, but I suppose it will be embarrassing for them now that I'm out of the closet. Oh Well...I won't care. I will be dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They will just have to deal with it.

In other news, I am interviewing someone for a job on our dock at work on Thursday. His first name is El-Messiah.

Yes, that's right, El-Messiah. From the Hebrew, it means, "God, the anointed One".

If his Mom's name is Mary, I am going to be more than a bit curious. I half imagine him answering when the other guys on the dock swear. With a name like that, he has to be good.

I need to go to bed now. These are the kinds of things I contemplate when I am tired. I wonder if it will be worse when I'm re-tired. Hope I live that long.

Send a pic with your resume and application. No uggos for heirs OK guys?... I am so freakin funny.

Nitey nite!

On Having A Beer...

We have been studying the gospel of John in my Sunday school class. Yesterday, we were in chapter two - the wedding feast at Cana. As some of you are aware, this is where Jesus turns 180 gallons of water into wine. If you do not know the story, you should read it. In short though, Jesus, his family and some of the disciples are at a wedding celebration. Early on, the wine runs out. This is disastrous because, back in the Day, Jewish wedding celebrations were known to last for as much as a week. Mary brought the wine shortage to the attention of her son. After an exchange of some terse words, Jesus acceded to his mother's request and fixed the problem. Suddenly there was more than enough wine for everyone and a good wedding present leftover for after.

There was wine. And overabundance. There was a new start for two people. A new life. It was Jesus' way of announcing his new kingdom - a place of overabundance, new life and a new start.

Oddly, my students had other questions. Many, particularly those older than me, have an issue with use of adult beverages. They grew up in tee-totaling households and were taught in church that drinking alcoholic beverages is a sin. My thought is that they strain out gnats, but that is not where this is going.

Evangelical and fundamentalist churches developed a 'no alcohol' stance back in the 19th century during the women's temperance movement. Even though this movement was the precursor to the suffrage and women's right movement, and finally, feminism, many in these churches still cling to the 'no alcohol' policy. I remember my grandma saying to grandpa, "lips that touch alcohol will never touch mine". Grandpa listened. The sentiment was passed on to future generations. My Dad, now 80, has never had a drink in his life. And so it goes.

Not so with me. Let me tell you why.

The Bible does not forbid the use of alcoholic beverages. God's first people, the Jews, would drink wine at Passover. They had vineyards and they made wine. It probably was not like our wine. The alcohol content would have been lower, but they consumed it daily. It was too dangerous to drink the water.    

Jesus drank wine, so much so, that he was accused of being a wine-bibber, whatever that is. Jesus went to a lot of parties.  Some say that the 'new' wine of Christ's day had no alcohol in it. This is wrong. The alcohol content may have been lower, but it was still present. Middle eastern people of that time were wine and beer drinkers. There was noting wrong with it. There is nothing wrong with it.

Like a lot of things though, use of alcohol can be abused. Drunkenness is a sin. But so is gluttony, greed and avarice. Obesity is a major problem in the Church in America. When Christians gather, they eat and sometimes it's more than a feast. As a people that is not supposed to focus on the pleasures of the flesh, we seem obsessed with food consumption. It has become our comfort in stressful times and so we eat.

What's funny is watching two Christians at a fellowship dinner, plates heaped to overflowing, discussing the drinking habits of the general public or even other Christians. As they shovel scoops of chicken and noodles into their jowly, doubled chinned faces. mashed potatoes at the ready, they talk about 'Joe Smith' at the next table that they know has beer in his refrigerator at home.

Here is something for them to think about. You are intoxicated with calories. Slow down. God and the ladies at church will make more. Try about half a plate with a glass of wine or beer. Enjoy a nice dessert wine with your pie. Have some conversation later in the day over a beer.

It's called moderation people!

Be moderate in everything accept moderation. If you cannot be moderate, then give up whatever it is you need to give up. You say, "but I have to eat or I'll die." I say, "Eat to live, do not live to eat."

It's the same with alcohol consumption. If you cannot do it in moderation, then do not do it and do not beat up others that can. We are adults. Grow up and live like it.

You say 'what about all the societal problems alcohol causes?'

Ya, there are many things like that. It comes from abuse and not moderation.        

My point? The world will not end because your brother enjoys a beer or two with his supper at the end of the day. God does not care. Your human rules come from the 19th century and not timeless truth. Get over it and get over yourselves. Live like Jesus. Enjoy life and serve others at the same time. The Christian life is good. It's abundant. You've been reborn. Why don't you live that way?

SSA or SSA

There is an interesting post over at Your Other Brothers . It's a blog for same sex attracted Christians; mostly men. Some of the writers over there are married (to women with whom they have children), some are celibate; I do not think any of them are sexually active with men. They all seem to be under 35 years old. The website is not for the sqeamish. If an open and very direct discussion of same sex desires is not your cup of tea, you should not go there. These guys talk about everything and I mean everything. You were warned! Anyway.. 

The post I refer to is called, "Not So Different From the Straight Guy". The writer goes to great pains to explain how SSA men are not all that much different from their straight brethren. It's his belief that we are all really straight, but some of us are just confused. My thought is that it's the writer and those like him that are confused and I do not mean this in a condescending way.

I believe that young men in our day - 2016 - are at a distinct disadvantage. Many of them were raised by women or grandparents because Mom and Dad were always gone and the men in their lives were there for discipline and many times this turned into abuse of one sort or another. Another factor that young men face today that was not a factor in previous decades is the availability of pornography. When I was coming of age, there were no computers or laptops or tablets or cell phones. Porn was only available at the local dirty book store or by subscription. Today, it's much easier to find porn. You don't have to try very hard to find pics of naked folks frolicking with each other. Gay or straight, porn is easily accessed, even by under age young men with a few clicks of the mouse. There are ways to limit access to such things by your children, but if YOU are not involved in their lives or their on- line lives, they will find the porn; especially the boys. There's another warning for you.

So if you are a young man, say 15 to 25 years old, and you were raised by a man embittered divorced woman and there has never been a strong positive male influence in your life, you just might find yourself looking for Daddy in all the wrong places. Porn presents an unrealistic view of men. Whether it's straight porn or gay porn, the men in the porn are NOT representative of real men. You do not get into a porno by being shortdicked or ugly or fat or feminine. You get into a porno by having all the right physical assets.

The results for the watchers is disastrous. Young men looking for male role models see these naked images of idealized men pleasing their partners and they want to be like them. They begin to admire the body types in their daily male acquaintances and they confuse this with attraction.

Young men that find themselves thinking they are attracted to their buddy or best friend have been deceived. You may well be starved for male attention. You may want the love of a man or you may admire a man that seems to meet the requirements of what you think a man is, but guys, you are not gay!

You are not same sex attracted. You are same sex activated. You miss the Daddy you never had and you look for him through porn, through other male friends and relatives and through hero worship. It's normal for straight men to gravitate toward strong male personalities and if they are good looking personalities, that helps. It does not mean you are gay or same sex attracted.

I know the difference. I love men. I love spending time with them. I love the way they smell, the way they feel, the way they look, the way they walk and the way they think. I like smooth ones, furry ones, fat ones, skinny ones and nerdly ones. I really like smart ones that are about 5'10' with a bubble butt, fur is optional... but I digress.

What I'm saying is that I don't just like the idea of men. I do not just admire certain men. I like 'em all.

You same sex activated boys just do not understand what it is to be really gay. It's hard wired into me. I'm not looking for Daddy. I am looking for husband material, Mr. Right. Praise the Lord, I never found him!

So...for all you guys that have these conflicting feelings...stop looking at the porn - straight, gay or otherwise. Love your wives or your girlfriends. Marry, have families. Enjoy time with your buddies. If you are crushing on him too much, walk away for awhile. Try to enjoy the hetero side of life and let your SSA side die if you can.

Obsessing over it will only make you more confused.

And if you are like me....well, just embrace the suckage. It ain't easy.   

Tis The Season

Where do Jack-o-laterns hang out?

Pumpkin Bars

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

I wrote that joke. I am so funny.

Queezy Blog Reading

Some of you were probably made uncomfortable by my last two posts to this blog. It's OK. You will be all right. So will I for that matter. This is a place, in case  you did not notice, where I overturn the rocks in my backyard to see what's under them. Sometimes what's under those rocks is disturbing or unpleasant. Other times, it makes for queezie moments. There are also the 'aha' moments. That's what I use this space for.

For what it's worth, I did try to edit the previous posts, but there was very little I wanted to take out, so I re-posted them this morning. If they show up in you email again tomorrow morning, I apologize.

A friend at church said he often thought or thought about some of the more unseemly things I write, but it never occurred to him to put it down in writing on the internet where everyone could see it. For him, there are some things better left unsaid. Another friend of mine thought that maybe I was being too transparent, oversharing on the blog as it were. Apparently she thought people would be put off by it. OK. I can accept that. Maybe those of you that feel that way need to click on to the next thing that makes you feel differently than I make you feel. It's not necessarily my job to make you feel good. I will probably write things from time to time that will do that for you, but you will not get a steady dose of 'feel good' posts here. I would apologize, but I am not sorry for that. Anyway...

All of those things may be true.

I have reached that point in my life where what people think of me is secondary. I just want to clear my slate of all of life's graffiti and move on. Some of the graffiti remains though. It is indelibly etched into the slate. I write about those things occasionally too. Again, it will be OK.

Stuff builds up in my mind. I am running out of space to store it all, and frankly, I don't want it in my head anymore, so I put it here.

When I was younger, I would have flashbacks about all the stupid moments in my life. This would usually occur during depressive episodes or even cause them. What I found was that if I wrote about them, the pain of those moments would subside. So I would journal. This was before computers of course. Then one day in 2006 I decided to build a blog. My earliest blogging efforts have disappeared because I deleted two early versions of The Daily Ground Hog, my original blog. I also destroyed the early journals. The third incarnation of The Daily Ground Hog still exists if you look for it.

I wish I had it all back now because I am not feeling the way I did then. Slowly I have been putting everything out there and exposing it to the Light. The depressive episodes are infrequent now. The flashbacks are nonexistent.

So I write. I spill personal crap that makes everyone do whatever when they read it. It's a sort of graph of my moods. I had no idea how moody I was until I started writing it all down. I used to think I was Vulcan-like, emotionless, unfeeling. Turns out that I am an upheaval of emotional desperation. It still feels fairly controlled, but now I vent when needed. That's all. That's all this is. Me venting.

Occasionally what I write is not self serving. I get useful tidbits for others down in writing. That's usually an accident. Most of the time what is here is just what I am thinking about something or feeling about something. I am not purpose driven in my writing. There is no agenda other than creating a place for me to unload.

So if you are uncomfortable reading my stuff, imagine how I felt before I got it out of my system.

My advice? Stop bottling up what's inside you. Find a way to get it out that does not cost thousands in counseling fees or even attorney fees. Write it down. Get it out of your system. Get a blog. Send me a link. I want to commiserate with you. See you on the net!            

On Respect and Being a Friend to an SSA Man...

Yesterday I wrote to you about certain pugilistic endeavors from my youth. I would like to say here and now that I am not physically violent as a general rule. It is not part of my process. The three incidents I focused on yesterday were the only fights I have ever been in. At the risk of seeming to defend my behavior, I was stressed in each situation personally and internally and so when more stress came from the outside, I popped in each case.

Today I am more refined; more civilized in my approach. I reason. I blog. I fight with words. Sometimes it is to no effect and other times it will bring people around to my point of view. It's not necessary to bring the physical hurt on them and indeed, sometimes that is not possible. The third and final fight of my life would indicate that tilting at windmills brings no vengeful satisfaction.

Strangely though, it did bring some peace. While the young man that becalmed me that day did not become my friend, he always spoke to me after the incident. He acknowledged me. There was some respect. I appreciated that more than he ever knew.

And that's kind of the way it goes with me. All I want is a little respect. I want people to listen to what I have to say and consider it. Is this because I am self important? Do I have a messiah complex? Am I a narcissist? Possibly. I do tend to think I have the answer, that I am right, that the truth resides in my words. Someday maybe we can talk about this more. It's my burden, and yes, I know sometimes it gets inflicted on others with problematic results. I do apologize if that's what I did to you. If you gave me a fair hearing and I continued to bully you, I'm sorry.

That is not what I wanted to talk about today.

It can be difficult for another man to be my friend. The degree of difficulty increases if the other man knows that I am SSA - same sex attracted. Experience has taught me that if the man knew me prior to knowing of my SSA status, the chances are good that the relationship will continue successfully. They know me already. New knowledge of my SSA status becomes irrelevant because they know I am the same man they have known for years with one added fact. Sometimes there are questions and some pretty silly ones at that, but it usually works out. They do not fear being my friend.

These need to be warned though. I do not process affection like other men. I sometimes will get too attached. It's a hazard. If you find I am backing away from physical contact, there is a reason for that. I cannot allow myself to become to enmeshed in the friendship in that way. I know that sounds awful and it is very painful for me, but I have to do it. Just know I love you enough not to put you through one of my man crushes. At 59, I am too old to put myself through it.   

Still, other guys have a problem with me. When I went from being the smart, quiet guy at church to being the smart, quiet, gay, celibate guy at church - some straight men stopped talking to me. They would not engage in any lengthy conversation with me beyond the niceties of polite greetings. I have not experienced much of this, but it is there.

Then there are the women. Being a single guy all of my adult life, women have been leery of me. The single ones felt pressure to take up with me...not from me..but from other well intentioned Christian married types. The married women did not want to talk to me at length either. Perhaps they thought their speech would some how entice me to lust or that taking up with an unmarried man might somehow make them look bad. I do not know. I just know that now, in my confessed SSA state, the women at church no longer fear talking to me. In fact, many of them are becoming my friends. The single women at church now feel free to be my friend too. It seems that my coming out gave them a sense of freedom to associate. No pressure to date me or marry me. I am sorry you ever felt that. It has been good though to spend time with you all. My Angels in particular! Thanks much for your friendship.

Then there are the other SSA's at church, Yes, I know you thought I was the only one. That would be wrong. There are a few of us. Strangely, only one of them talks to me regularly. He is safely in his closet though. No one would believe that inside he is much like me. The others...well there might be a greeting, but not much else. They can't really associate with me since I'm out. It might imply something about themselves to everyone else...even though for some of you, it's kind of obvious. That's not an insult. You know what I'm talking about. For the record guys, I am not dangerous. I am not a predator. I will not try to date you or expose you. If there is anyone at church that understands you, it is me. That's all I'm saying. And if behavior and acting out is an issue for you, I will not condemn you other than to say 'go thy way and sin no more'. I know how hard it is guys. I have been there and been through it. If you need to talk, we can. There is no reason to fear me.

So what about me? How do I relate in the straight world and in a predominantly straight church. I am finding more and more that in the world no one cares what my inclinations are. In the church it is different. People care. They want to know that I am living as Christ would have me live. I understand this. I do not want the leadership or the membership in my church to be liars, coveters or adulterers. I do not want them to be legalistic haters either. I want to know that they are being as Christlike as possible given who they are. I believe this is the case at my church. I know that even if they do not express it or even talk to me, they care about me and my status before God. This is a big deal and I appreciate it.

Well, I had an interesting one way conversation today. I hope I did not offend anyone. It would be interesting to hear your perspective. I know some of you are loathe to speak in the comments because someone else might read it. Piffle. Do it anyway. Use a pseudonym. You could also just approach me at church...yes, that's possible. Fear not, for low, I am with you always, even unto the end of my age!

I am so funny.    

Violence, The Law and Grace...

When I was in kindergarten, I beat up Roger Ghee. We were walking home from school and he was making fun of me. I was a bit bigger than the other kids. I wore 'husky' jeans. For some reason Roger thought I was fat.  Roger was my friend and I pounded him mercilessly....wait, does that sound right? Apparently. It did not seem contradictory at the time. I beat the crap out of him because he made fun of me. It was easy. He did not expect my reaction. The look of shock on his face when I took him to the ground was priceless. And then I just walked away from him.

He went home and told his mom. His mom called my Mom. Suddenly it was a big deal. I got in trouble. My reaction to mockery was violence. Instead of responding in kind or not responding at all, I reacted in such a way that Roger never mocked me again. Scorched earth. That was my policy. I had no idea that William Tecumseh Sherman had already invented it. I would not have cared. Sherman was a red head...but I digress.

Fast forward to junior high. I believe you youngsters call that middle school now. Gene Sewell thought my jacket was a bit too nice for someone like me. He mocked me. I beat the crap out of him. Ended up in the vice principal's office for that one. Strangely, he was impressed. He smiled the whole time. I detected that maybe I had done something he longed to do. We agreed that I would not engage in such activities again. He treated me like a man and I respected him for that.

High school...yes, it happened one more time. One of the football players bumped into me and sent my books and calculator flying across a crowded hall way. A controlled response was not forthcoming. Absolute rage shot through me and I went nuts. Please keep in mind that this guy was a foot taller than me and probably outweighed me by 50 pounds. I did not care. I went berserk. (BTW, do you know how many kids in my high school of 2000 had pocket calculators in 1974? One. Me. But I digress.)

The football player took it in stride. Instead of striking back, he tried to help me control my rage. He did not hit me even though I had struck him at least twice. I think he might have been amused. He got me in a bear hug with my back to his front, arms across my chest, holding both of my wrists. I suddenly felt so safe. Becalmed. Controlled. I was lacking one thing, but the kiss wasn't coming. Dang it.  Whatever. I won't go there. Mr Kacena, the photography teacher, broke it up. We both went to the Vice Principal's office. Peace was made with mutual apologies. No parents were involved.

I tell these stories because it seems like we tend to over react when we are put upon in some way by real or imagined adversaries. I say 'we' because you know you have done it too. An insult begats a fist and so on.

I think that's why the Law of Moses prescribed and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. The human tendency is the 'scorched earth' policy of Sherman and Brady. We over react rather than react in kind. I suppose that's how we finally managed to keep the peace in this world...mutually assured destruction (MAD) keeps the testosterone in check.

Digression happens...

Jesus had another idea. Turn the other cheek. Hmmm. I don't know. OK.  So no violence. Can I write a tersely worded blog post and then send the link to my oppressor? I suppose it's better than just slugging him.

At the bottom of this....all of this...is my bruised ego and my sense of helplessness. It's my demand for respect and honor.

Why does that matter? Maybe it doesn't.

Sometimes we just need to let it go.          

09/18/2016

Sunday was good. I really enjoyed my birthday at church. My brothers and sisters in Christ, made me feel loved and appreciated, especially the ones in my Sunday school class. It was a great day. Thanks so much to everyone. One of my personal Angel's even brought me Egg McMuffin (with sausage). I also got a nap and a two hour walk accomplished. I also got a call from my friend Eric. It was the perfect end to a 59th birthday.

Next year it gets serious. I hit 60 and I will officially be old. I have to live that long though. Here's to the first day toward that goal.      

Remembrance

We have a new employee at work. She is 40 something. During her training, we have been gradually getting to know each other. She has been concerned about me for many reasons. She thinks I do not take enough vacation and that I do not socialize enough. Had she known me 10 years ago, I wonder what she would have said. I am a social butterfly now by comparison.

Anyhow, tonight we were talking about my birthday was on Sunday. She wanted to know how I would celebrate and what I was going to do. I told her that I had already celebrated with the Angels and that I would probably just go to church. She could accept that, but thought I should at least watch Green Bay play on Sunday...Green Bay fans are like that.

As we talked and waited for paperwork to arrive, I showed her some bits from our old home movies on my YouTube channel.

I had an emotional moment. We sat there watching me on the computer when I was two years old. She was entertained. I just started crying.

Ya, my face leaks way too much these days. I was watching myself at 2 years old. That was 57 years ago. I wept. I wondered how that sweet little boy turned into me. How did that ever happen? Then I watched that little boy go running across a picnic area at Ledges State Park into his mother's arms and the dam burst.

How does this happen? Where did it all go so wrong with me? What a mess.

I wanted to rewind my entire life and try again. It started so well. How I got here is a mystery. It's all a blur. I do not understand.

I have been thinking about birthday 59 for awhile. My Grandpa Meacham died in his 59th year from a brain tumor. From now on I will need to walk softly and keep my fingers crossed. It's too early for me to be checking out. Dad is going to need me for awhile I think. After that, OK Lord. I just need to be here a bit longer. You see the sense in that right? I'm just asking. After that, we can talk. I will set my house in order. We will prepare together.

I think Sunday I will post the video we were watching. I may have posted it once on the old blog, but it's worth another look. It's from an era that time forgot unless you are watching reruns of Happy Days.

Good Night!       

Snipets

I was scrolling through Relevant Magazine's website. There was an interview with a Franciscan Friar about the mysticism of prayer. It is a good write up that I enjoyed. Francis of Assisi has always been my hero. He dug his spurs into the sides of a corrupt Church and made a big difference. He was reforming before there were Protestants to do it. But I digress.

Fr. Richard Rohr makes an interesting statement, "Jesus did not come to change the mind of God about humanity, it didn’t need changing. Jesus came to change the mind of humanity about God."

So true. 

There was another article called "Who Are the Lost", Which makes the interesting point that 'the lost' are not those damned to hell. "Being lost doesn’t mean you need to go out and find God; it means God is coming to find you." I really like this. The writer uses the parables of Jesus found in Luke 15 as the backdrop for his thesis. His logic is compelling. I would urge you to read it. 

Who Do I Say That I Am?

When the question was put to us at church, I wrote down, 'writer, teacher, servant, child of God'. I am all these things to a greater or lesser degree. I am sometimes very bad at all of them. Today may be an example of my bad writing. Last Sunday I was not up to par teaching my class. There are days when I am just a jerk and not a servant.

And sometimes, I am more like God's foster child than His actual heir. It's like, 'OK, I need someone to take care of me for awhile and You seem like a good prospect. I won't be here long, I promise. If you can just see to my needs for awhile, I will take over when the time comes. Deal?'

Ya. It doesn't work that way does it? We are either His children or we are not. We are either in the family or we are not. We are either His heirs or we are not. God has NO foster children. He has no grandchildren. We are it. He is our eternal parent and we will be His eternal children, and as His children, it seems like we never quite outgrow our need for our heavenly Father.

There are many that see the need for an eternal 'Sky Daddy' as weakness. Allegedly, there is something missing in people that call upon the name of the Lord; that we cannot deal with our realities and so we invent invisible, all powerful friends to help solve our problems.

Y'all are filled with pride and ignorance. Look around you. Why do you just accept the current agnostic meme? You know you feel it in your heart; that sense of eternity and something that goes beyond the materialistic, here and now, stuff. Admit it. Bend the knee to Him and do not look back.

But I digress.

No matter how hard I have tried, I cannot get around it. I am a child of God. This is my identity. I am still exploring what all that means. I might figure it out before I am dead. But it is who I am. I believe it all and that's why there is such conflict within me when I try to release the natural impulses of my flesh.

Dad says NO!

And stupid me...I look at Him and say 'why?'

Not a good idea.

My Abba and I have had a bumpy relationship. I want it to be right before I die. After that, it will be a little late for a simple time out.

Submit. Obey. Pray. Study. Follow.

It looks pretty simple. What is wrong with me that I have such issues with it? Why am I so bent?

Lord, is it just me, or are all Your other kids just faking it? I think at least some of them are. You know, when I do something, I like to do it right. If I can't do it right, I tend to walk away. I will not walk away from you again no matter how rough it gets. You are stuck with me. Do what you will. You always do. I will try to deal with it. Just help me to have a good finish please.

Is that a pride issue Lord? Maybe. I need to grasp the notion that Your grace is sufficient for me. Even Paul had to do that. Who am I to think I don't have to? Ya, You know who I am. You get me. I wish I did.

I love You Dad. I want to come home. I can see you standing there off in the distance. You look so happy to see me. I will be there soon. Just a few more miles. It's gonna be great. I will probably be kind of tired. I will need some new clothes and something to eat. I will need rest. It will be good to see you. We will talk. Yes...we will talk...          

Who Do You Say That I Am...

That was the question that Jesus put to Simon Peter and the boys while they were visiting Mt Hermon. It's a big question. Peter answered correctly, but only with some inspiration from an outside Source. He failed the other half of the test by offering his own answers. Funny that.

Sometimes, despite our best instincts, we still do not get the full picture. I do not know Jesus as well as I should and I will be on the downside of 59 years old after Sunday at 3:00 AM. Even with all that has ever been written or said about Him, I do not think any of us know Him as we should. We tend to create God in our own image despite commandments not to do that. Why is that? I am not sure.

I remember watching "The Greatest Story Ever Told" when I was a kid. The acting was not great, but it was a fair reflection of what's in the gospels. The end needed some work. I questioned many things in the movie, but something I never questioned until recently was the casting. Jesus was played by a young, good looking Max Von Sydow, a Swedish German actor, as white as I am with blue eyes and reddish blond hair.

Really? Jesus was a Caucasian? NOT!

Jesus was a Palestinian Semetic Jew. His skin would have been very dark, His eyes brown. Today we would think He looked Arabic. He may even have had curly or kinky hair. Isaiah, in chapter 53 of his prophecy says:

2     He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
    and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
    nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
³ He was despised and rejected by mankind,
    a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
    he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

⁴ Surely he took up our pain
    and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
    stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.

Jesus was probably not a good looking man. People could not look at Him. There may be a number of reasons for that. I cannot imagine staring into His eyes, especially knowing that He knows me better than I do and I still know next to nothing about Him, at least by comparison. I can imagine feeling this massive conviction in His stare, the presence of holiness, judgement and also love and compassion and everything that goes with it. As I have said before, He is my Lord and my God and my Friend. Even so, I too would fear to see Him just as He is. Like Peter, I too would fumble for words, all the time knowing that I should just keep my mouth shut.  

I am awed by His presence in my life, in scripture and out in His creation. He leaves me feeling so small. I wonder what He really thinks about me in my present state. What does He see? What would He say to me? Who would He say that I am??? What would He say about His other followers - His Church? Who are we in His mind? 

These questions vex me. I do not think we know ourselves as well as He knows us. We have no choice but to be transparent before Him. We cannot hide who we are from the face of the Living God. 

So why do we try to hide like Adam and Eve after the illicit dining episode? We hide from each other, we put on facades, we try to be things we are not or we are loathe to admit we are not who we seem to be.

In past months I have tried to be more transparent about who I really am with my brethren. The tough things that Jesus knows about me have been revealed. Opening up to my church as SSA has been both positive and negative. My news was received well, mostly due to 37 years of celibacy which I cannot prove, but I assured them was true. It is true. None the less, I sometimes think that I have been labeled and sidelined. This is probably just my insecurity and some stinkin thinkin, but I feel that way sometimes. There was, as I have mentioned before, a number of other things in that closet of mine that were quite unpleasant. I continue to deal with them as well as the SSA. Transparency has it's drawbacks. 

I say drawbacks. Maybe I say that because of how it all makes me feel. Do we not need to expose all these things to the Light so that He can give us Life? I am thinking so. James said to "consider it a pure joy..." A new friend said I needed to man up and "embrace the suckage..", and really, this is what we have to do no matter what our issues are if we hope to become what Jesus wants us to be.

So, in the end, what I am is a child of God. It is my God given right. Only He can revoke that right. Only I can mess that up. I have a few years left to me, so I could mess this up. I can't let that happen. I do not believe He will let that happen. I think I'm going to make it.

But what about the 'us' part of this equation? I am part of the greater body of Christ - the Church. Should we all start being transparent, open and honest about who we are and what our struggles are? I don't know. There are days when I wish I could put all my junk back into the boxes and go back into that closet. 

You know what? You can't go back. I can't go back. I need the Light. So do you.

I have seen cracks in the veneer of many closet doors at my local church. People are opening up in church, in Sunday school and in small groups. Now is the time. We need to admit who we really are, get to know ourselves and each other and let the Light and Love of our Savior bring us to the finish line.

"Well it's all so embarrassing to have your junk out there for any and everyone to see" says you. Ya, it can be . Get over yourself. You want the shame and guilt to go away? Get it out of your system. Dump it. There will be a mess. Deal with it. It will take time, but now you will have help.

Join me in becoming a Child of God. It's your right and heritage.         

An Optical Illusion...How Many Dots Do You See?

There are supposed to be 12 black dots in the image below. The trouble is, it is impossible to see them all at once. I find stuff like this fascinating. Reality escapes us. Maybe we are all living in a Matrix in the mind of God and none of us are here at all. That might be a considerable leap from not being able to see all the dots, but it is an indication that it's possible to conceal the truth that is, after all, in plain sight. Take a look.

 Don't be tricked.

Children of God

On Sunday we were challenged from the pulpit to identify who we are. Clipboards were passed during the sermon among the congregation. The membership anonymously wrote down who they thought they thought they were. It was obvious that many had allowed others to define them. I heard husbands and wives whispering about what to write. I saw answers that reflected secular occupations.
I read the list on the clip board that came to me before adding my thoughts.

I found myself writing things that made me look good; things that I really want to be in Christ as a child of God. I wrote nothing about the more negative aspects of who I am. It was not a well rounded picture. I would not call it dishonest. I simply omitted some things that may have rounded out the truth of who I am. In my faith walk, I like to think I am both a writer and teacher and good at both; that I serve my students as Jesus would have me do. These are things I enjoy doing at church. I have really not thought about serving in any other capacity.

What I really am though, is a child of God. Indeed, all of us that believe, that have received Christ and partake of His Spirit, are the children of God. We are not His genetic heirs. We are His by adoption. In the Gospel of John 1:12-13, John says,  "Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God ^__ children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God."

This is the only time in scripture that God actually gives a right to His creations. Despite the circumlocutions of 18th century enlightenment rationalists, God never gives rights to us. He has always given us an outline of our responsibilities to Him, to family and to our neighbors, but never a list of rights. The only right that we, as believers, enjoy is the right to become His children and His heirs. Any other rights we may possess, we have taken for ourselves and usually at a high cost. 

God charges us nothing except our faith. He freely gives us membership in His family if we believe and a right to inherit the things His Son has secured for us. 

So what does it mean to be a child of God? How can you identify the children of God?

In 1 John 3:9-10, John says,  

^"No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. ¹⁰ This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister."

Really? No one who is born of God will continue to sin? I am either taking this out of context and it means something other than what I am plainly reading or...or John is deadly serious here.

I confess to sinning frequently, for failing to live up to God's standard. My mind and my heart go places where no man should go. I get angry. I sometimes covet. I lust. I desire things not intended for me. I am proud and arrogant and sometimes conceited.

Really John? Are you saying I am not born of God then? I confess that this confuses me. He says it again in chapter 5, vss 18-20 of his epistle.

  ¹⁸ We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the One who was born of God keeps them safe, and the evil one cannot harm them. ¹⁹ We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. ²⁰ We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true by being in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life.

I suppose we have to put John's words here into perspective with the rest of the New Testament.
Paul says of himself in Romans 7:14-24:

 ¹⁴ We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

And then again in Romans 8:14-17:

 ¹⁴ For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. ¹⁵ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.^[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,^[g] Father.” ¹⁶ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. ¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

So what I am getting here is that while the children of God are not supposed to sin, we do sin and it is only through our spiritual connection to our adoptive Parent, that we are forgiven of it and eventually overcome it. The technical term is sanctification. It takes a lifetime and most are seldom perfect when they die, but it does just keep on getting better. I suppose it might be that by the time we are old, we are just too tired to sin :). Whatever. If it works, I'm good with that.

If John was perfect when he died, if he did not sin, I can accept that, but I am skeptical. I think rather that his real meaning is alluding me.

I know this John. My God is with me. My spirit cries out to Him daily, even hourly and even when I fail and sin anyway. I also know that I am His child. It is the greatest and best thing that I have ever had. I know that my sin urges endanger that status, but I also know He is right here with me; that Jesus has paid the price for my failures.

Lord, thank You for this right You have given to those of us that believe. Lord I pray that You empower me and Your other children to stand against the flesh and live for You. We long for the Day when You arrive. We want to see Your smiling face. Please help us to get there. In Your Name...
Amen

1 John 3:19-24

¹⁹ This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: ²⁰ If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. ²¹ Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God ²² and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him. ²³ And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. ²⁴ The one who keeps God’s commands lives in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.

Perhaps the answer is here.
 

Party Pictures

The pics from my burfday party are back from the drug store. What? What do you mean they don't do it that way anymore? I could have sworn I saw a Kodak Instamatic with a flashcube. No? Wow. It was done with a telephone? Interesting. What will they think of next?

Anyway, here we go...

Burfday Cheesecake from Cheescake Factory. Thanks!

 

Chocolate Burfday Cake for the Youngsters

Burfday Presents

Rhonda Hold the Hog

Karla Bags The Hog

Jeffery with the Angelic Presence (Rhonda, Billie and Karla)

Thanks everybody! It was a great time. Thanks also to Brenda for taking that last picture.
It's on the internet now. The internet is forever you know or at least until an EMP event. Could happen. 

Saturday

I was hoping to have a few pics of the event by now, but I had a wonderful time on Saturday night. Some friends of mine (three of Jeffery's Angels and two that could be granted that status) gathered and we had an early birthday celebration for... for...wait for it...me. I guess they thought I might not make it to 9/18 so we did it a week early. I'm kidding. The prognosis is good. I should be available for birthday congratulation on 9/18. Even so, I know that anything can happen.

We dined on rib-eye, twice baked potato, cheesecake and other items. My favorite IPA was available and I did partake. As it was my birthday, I had three of them and one other beverage that was some kind of hybrid margarita in a can. It was good. I may have to make a purchase. I spaced out my consumption of these beverages throughout the evening. I do not believe I was intoxicated. There was, however, a law enforcement officer present, that was concerned. If your are reading, I was fine.
 
We watched the Iowa vs Iowa State game. It was really not a fair match up. ISU was outmatched. Their youth and inexperience worked against them. I am not much of a football fan myself, but these 5 women were rabid. My friends, 2 of whom are normally very quiet, became quite boisterous. That was the best part of the evening for me; watching them.

Gifts were not expected, but they were received with great joy. I got a Caribou gift card, an effigy of my past incarnation in the blog previous to this one and balloons. Did I mention beer?  The best thing I got, though, was joy and love. I had a good time. I got encouragement. I got instruction. I got concern and good conversation. There was also a wide variety of personal opinion available which I always appreciate.    

The best and most direct advice I received that evening came from the police officer. It was regarding my life and how I should deal with it. She said, "you have to embrace the suckage." That advice is appropriate on many levels. I'm still laughing. Very sage and direct, but also humorous. This is how I like my wisdom.  

Being old might be fun for awhile. Let's see what develops.  

What's Going On?

Life can be boring. Boring is the absence of tragedy. Therefore, boring can be good. I'm not sure why we need constant stimulation and entertainment anyway. Time for personal reflection and thought and prayer should be taken so that we do not become shallow. The result of such activity can also make things less boring and more interesting. I'm not sure I would classify it as entertaining, but really, that's just distraction anyway.

My current life is not boring. I would not say it is interesting either in the general sense. I have stuff to do. Sometime last week the the air handler for the air conditioning unit at my Dad's house clogged up. It air handler helps pull moisture out of the air in the house. It then sends that moisture, in the form of water, down a tube to the outside. That tube clogged up, the water backed up in the air handler and leaked all over the ceiling in the garage. Last Saturday a large chunk of drywall (which became wetwall) came crashing down on Dad's Highlander along with a large volume of insulation fluff. It was a white, chalky, pasty mess . This was my first clue since I never look at the ceiling in the garage.

We got the air handler unclogged and it is now draining properly. That was relatively inexpensive. I have to get the insurance company out to the house to look at the rest of it. I hope they will pay for the removal of the damaged ceiling and installation of the new ceiling. We will see.

I've been training someone at work. She is coming along nicely. I think that in a couple of months, she will be up to speed. Her data entry skills improve daily. She is an interesting person. She lived in Las Vegas for awhile and has some good stories. She also likes to do karaoke. I should go see her perform sometime.

Tomorrow night I have to do some quality time with the Angels. You probably know who they are if you go to my church. You just did not know I called them that. They are a trio of young(ish) women that keep me out of trouble and sometimes entertained. An old man needs that. David had the Shunammite woman. I have the Angels; AKA, the angelic presence or angelic host. They are my good Christian friends. I love them.

I came home last night and Dad was parked on my side of the garage. I am not sure what was up with that and I did not ask. As long as he does not park in the middle, we should be good. I don't care. He is going to get his hair cut today. I hope he gets it done this time. He does not like to wait. If there's waiting time, he will leave. I'm not sure why he can't wait. He has nothing else to do. He is a mystery to me sometimes.

I am looking forward to another class session on Sunday. I just love doing that and I'm beginning to wish I had volunteered for a 1030 class too. I may do that next quarter if they let me. We should have more people this Sunday. The should be back from their Labor Day holidays.

Time to think about going to work. I'm kind of hungry. I may eat first. Later.       

Guinness Nitro IPA

For the past few months I have been exploring IPA's. For the uninitiated, these are India Pale Ales...yes, a sort of beer. I like beer. I always have. Someone said to me, "beer is an acquired taste that I will never acquire." Obviously a teetotaler. I loved the first one I ever had. I remember where I was when I had it. I was in a pasture by a dry creek bed north of Abilene, Texas in 1977. The beer was a Miller High Life.

My friend, the teetotaler, says he drinks Pepsi. Really, Pepsi? It's very unhealthy. It's right up there with Coke. The acid eats away at your teeth and the sugar grows the belly fat faster than a beer. But I digress.

As I said, I have been exploring IPA's. I found the perfect one..in my opinion. I find that I love Guinness Nitro IPA.

It is smooth. The hoppy bitterness is gone; muted by the toasted malt that is traditional at Guinness and also by the nitro widget that Guinness lovingly places in every can. Did I say it was smooth? The nitro widget releases nitrogen into the beer when the can is opened. The bubbles are microscopic and they actually appear to move downward as the IPA is poured into a frosted glass. The small head is typical of Guinness products and while I love Guinness stout, this IPA is to die for. Did I say it was smooth?  It also has a lower alcohol content than most other IPA's. At 5.8%, this means I can have two with dinner. It is delicious. Did I mention the smoothness?

At ten bucks for a six pack, it's a bit pricey, but you get what you pay for.

Some day I will have to go to Ireland and visit the creator. Arthur Guinness founded the St. James' Gate Brewery in 1759 in Dublin. The products continue to be of high quality in the 21st century.

I love it. I find it's very smooth and silky. I may have mentioned that.  

Hillary Clinton's Illness Revealed

Apparently evidence is mounting that Hillary Clinton has Parkinson's
disease. This video sums up ones doctor's conclusions about news reports
and about her symptomology. This is serious. If her PD is sufficiently
advanced, she will not even be able to finish her first term. Someone in
the media - even CNN - needs to sit down with her and pump her for
health information. If it's true, she needs to step down and give her
nomination to another capable Democrat, even if it's Joe Biden. Here's a
link to the article that goes with the video by Mike Cernovich at Danger and Play.  

Word Up

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome^[a] it.

So begins the 4th gospel. It is beautiful in it's complexity and simplicity. It explains the most basic thing that all of humanity needs to know about Jesus, Christian theology and the one true faith. It is this.

Jesus Christ is God.

When Christians think of the Word, we tend to think of the Bible, God's inspired and written words. Other people tend to think of a unit of language that explains or describes or names things. The Greek for "word" is "logos". "Logos" was pregnant with meaning for the Greeks. Logos was a unit of language, but in Greek philosophy, logos was also a divine idea. Divine ideas, ideas from the gods, carried with them power and that power was creative. When the gods thought or spoke in their heavenly realm, things would happen in the physical world. The "word", the "logos" of the gods, created events and things in real space and time. 

Hebrew theology adopted this approach to explain God's actions in the Old Testament. Philo made heavy use of this idea. For him, "logos" was a bridge between heaven and earth. God was able to intervene in space and time in our reality and make things happen. He could reveal Himself to His people through the use of this Word. How? Through answered prayer, through healing and through revelation - the written Word.

John combined both of these approaches in an effort to make Jesus appealing to both the Jew and the Gentile (Greeks) of his time. In some ways, this still works well.

If you look at the other books of the Bible that start with, "In the beginning..." or something like it, you will find there are only two; Genesis and 1 John. 

In Genesis we read that in the beginning God created as His Spirit moved over the creation. How did this work? God spoke. Yes, God spoke and things, physical things, came into existence out of nothing. Do you see where I'm going here? The Word of the Lord made the material universe. God spoke and there was light. God spoke and there was earth and water. God spoke and life itself came into existence. Finally, God spoke and humanity was created.

²⁶ Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,^[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

²⁷ So God created mankind in his own image,
    in the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them.

Do you notice anything different in verse 26? God said, "Let US make mankind in OUR image, in OUR likeness..." 

The question arises, who is US and OUR in this verse. If God is One, then who are these others? Some have said it is the heavenly host that are helping in the creative process; angels. Others have said that God is using His Kingly prerogative like Queen Victoria saying "we are not amused".

John would want us all to know that "we" and "our" here in Genesis 1:26 is God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. If you read the entire first chapter of Genesis, You see God speaking, God creating, His Spirit moving, but the creative force of His Word Is His One and Only Son creating that bridge that Philo talked about, bringing together the spiritual and physical realms as He creates.

It is a beautiful picture of the three aspects of the one God. Jesus is the Bridge. While He is equal with God and is also fully God, He is also a man in submission to God, serving His Father's will and actually making it happen.

Jesus is the Divine Logos, the living word and revelation of God. He is the face of God to humanity.

As Paul said in Philippians 2:

⁵ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

⁶ Who, being in very nature^[a] God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
⁷ rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature^[b] of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
⁸ And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

⁹ Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹ and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.

This is my God. Who is your God?

Start living, really living. Take hold of the bridge rail and start your journey toward Glory.

    

   

Sunday

Yes, I know it's Monday. I've not gone completely around the bend. I just thought I should write about it since it was my first day back in the classroom at church working the teaching side of things. I had a good time. It was so nice to be in charge of the conversation :^). We had about 12 and that's not bad for a holiday weekend. Three couples were kind enough to advise me in advance of their absence, so I am hoping to have six more in attendance next week and maybe eight. We will see.

My class is studying the gospel of John. I have to say that it's my favorite gospel. I like it because it is, as one (angelic) class member said, relational. In John, you can see more clearly, the relationship that Jesus had with His disciples. He is more than their Rabbi or Teacher. He is their friend. He loves them all desperately. It's also apparent that when Jesus looks at them, He sees a future for His church. It's not necessarily a pretty future, but it is realistic given what He has to work with. And that's really it, isn't it? The only reason the Church has survived for 2000 years has nothing to do with Jesus' disciples. Had we been doing this church thing alone, it would have failed centuries ago. The reason it works, even if in fits and starts, is because Jesus is living in His Church, continuing to love and relate to His disciples and forcing them...us...on to the next thing.

Jesus is our Lord and our God, but He is also our friend. This is the point of John's gospel I think. It is what I get from it. It seems all too apparent to me when I read it.

In many places in the gospel, John speaks of "the disciple whom Jesus loved". Both the text of the gospel and also many scholars indicate that this was John himself. I cannot imagine what it must have been like to be with Jesus in His time here, to know His love and care and mind, touching Him, leaning back in His everlasting arms and having casual conversation with Him.

John enjoyed all these things. It was his early life as a young fisherman/student. The joy of that time must have been permanently burned into his mind.

Oh, to be John.

I also get the impression that he was Jesus' favorite. I know Peter thought that (John 21) and he was a bit jealous. The others may have thought that also, but it really makes no difference. As Jesus said to Peter in John 21, "...what is that to you? You must follow Me."

Jesus may well have had a special place in His heart for John simply because of his loyalty. John seems to have been the only apostle that attended at the crucifixion. He was there with the women. Jesus spoke to him from the cross. It was there that Jesus placed His mother, Mary, into John's care. Again, a special assignment because of their special relationship.

Oh, to be John.

Many cringe at the idea that Jesus would have a favorite. I think that comes mostly from the present egalitarian philosophy of our times. We have all been given a right to become children of God (John 1:12). What we do with that right though, can determine the degree of difficulty we must endure in our faith walk. And so it is that we see such a contrast in scripture between two men of God, Peter and John. Peter was brash and forward when in a group, but like a typical Alpha male, his courage would melt when he was alone and put to the test. John was quiet, even tempered and consistent. He was the Sigma to Peter's Alpha personality. I think that's why you see them together so much in the early chapters of Acts. They need each other to do the things they have to do. John needs Peter's forwardness and Peter needs John's level headed knowledge of Jesus.

I cannot imagine how much they both must have missed Jesus after He went Home. I know they had a special anointing of the Holy Spirit, but I cannot imagine it was anything like having Jesus right there next to you. I long for that Day!

I have digressed. It's OK. I love talking about this stuff. Let me leave you with this.

 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

John 13:34,35

St. Aelred of Rievaulx

Some have been wondering what the blog logo is all about. Here is a repost from The Daily Ground Hog that should explain things.

I mentioned yesterday that I have been reading "Spiritual Friendship" by Wesley Hill. In his book he researches the history of friendship and spiritual friendship in the Church. One historical example he offers is  St. Aelred of Rievaulx. Aelred developed a theology of friendship based on what he saw in scripture, what Jesus said and how the disciples behaved with each other and toward one another.

I did some internet searches on Aelred. He is an interesting man. According to The Dominican Friars of England and Scotland,

St. Aelred was born in Hexham in the North East of England in 1110. He came from a family whose members were noted for their learning, and had noble ties. Aelred was educated at the court of King David I of Scotland, and served as steward of the king’s table. During this time, he read Cicero’s On Friendship, which had a lasting influence. At the age of twenty four, he entered the Cistercian Abbey at Rievaulx, and was elected as its Abbot in 1147.

 Monastic life has at its heart a tension, between the eremitical dimension and community life. Each monk is in some sense a loner, a solitary. But nevertheless, he lives in community, in relation to others. This reality has important lessons for all of us. We are all unique individuals, but we must also relate to others. So often, modern 'spirituality' emphasises the individual and his or her lone quest for God. But the search for God is one which requires relations with others. Aelred's Spiritual Friendship is about this very thing - the role of friendship in the search for God.

 Aelred presents a dialogue between himself and other monks, whom he considers his friends. It starts as a dialogue between Aelred and Ivo, with a third, Christ, present with them. They aim to learn about friendship from a friend, and in the presence of Christ, who calls us friends. The dialogue shows a process of mutual discovery. The two friends identify that there are different levels of friendship. There are friendships based solely on sense pleasure, which is the lowest kind. There are also friendships based on temporal advantage and possessions. The highest level of friendship is based on Christ's New Commandment of love, a 'spiritual friendship' attained through conforming to Christ by wholesome interaction, without thought of gain. This kind of friendship is important because it is humanising, and raises the two friends to love of God through their love for each other.

The five vices Aelred thinks are most destructive are slander, reproach, pride, betrayal of confidence and detraction. Unless both parties are perfect, these vices will inevitably show themselves. However, they can be overcome if there is repentance and a purpose of amendment. Those who are quick to anger, the fickle, and those who are overly suspicious of others will struggle to find true friendship unless they are able to amend their ways. True friends treat each other with a Christ-like gentleness and sympathy. They are constant in their love, frank, and congenial. When the friendship has these characteristics, it can be said to be a true friendship, a 'spiritual friendship', one which builds up both parties and helps them journey towards God. 

There is much to be said for Aelred's approach to friendship. While he seems to be turning the process of creating a spiritual friendship into a Christian work to achieve salvation, he also sees the mutual benefits of such a friendship for all parties involved. I love the idea that Christ is always the third friend in the mix between two friends that are learning to love each other and growing spiritually through their journey together. It is very much in line with Jesus' words in the gospel of John,  

³³ “My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come.
³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

This is only a small portion of John 13. In the chapter, Jesus washes the feet of His disciples. It is a bit heart wrenching to read that the Creator of the Universe is serving His creations in this way, but He does it none the less, and He tells these men that this is how they must serve each other. There is also contrast in this chapter in that Jesus makes direct reference to His betrayer. Friends and a not so friendly betrayer all enjoying the Passover meal together. Do you think Jesus washed the feet of His betrayer? I do. One has to wonder what was going through the mind of Judas as this happened and how it was that he could do what he did after that fantastic act of love. Judas' heart was never right. 

Whatever else you see here, please know this. Jesus changed the very nature of friendship, love, empathy and what it means to serve with this act. His was a new command. We are no longer to lord it over those differently blessed. We are to love them. Share our privilege with them. Become Jesus to them. We are to be spiritual friends of like mind, not as a Christian work to achieve salvation, but because we love as our Lord loves. 

This is our highest calling.