Bacon Review - Petty Brothers Meats

A while back, I received a large amount of bacon from a friend at church. He had brought it down from Minnesota. There is a meat shop in Annandale that he had decided to try called Petty Brothers and so he made a large bacon purchase and shared the booty with me. I  I froze it until I was ready to use it. I recently got out a couple of pounds and let them thaw in the fridge. This morning I cooked some of it.

I chose the peppered bacon this morning. Monday morning I look forward to sampling the jalepeno. Today's experience with the peppered was glorious. I departed from my usual method of cooking bacon. Normally, I would line a baking sheet with foil and place racks on them to hold the bacon. Then I would bake the bacon in a 400 degree oven for 10 to 15 minutes.

Today I chose to use the George Foreman Grill that I found in the storage closet of my Dad's garage. My Mom, no doubt, put it out there because she hated it. I find I love it for cooking just about any kind of meat. Today, however, was the first time I used it for bacon. This particular GF grill is the largest I have seen. It's about 18 inches wide and 15 inches long and it gets very, very hot at it's highest setting. This is why I like it. A steak or chop or chicken fillet that is scorched to almost burnt on the outside, stays juicy and flavorful on the inside....but I digress.

I was not sure that the grill would work for bacon, but I'm pleased to say it did and the result was excellent. I cranked up the grill to its highest temp and then I put the bacon on it. The grill held all but 3 pieces of the whole pound of bacon. These bacon strips from Petty Brothers are a bit shorter than the standard bacon strip from the commercial bacon giants, but they are also thicker and meatier. There was little shrinkage during the cooking process and most of what ran down into the drip pan was water and not bacon grease. I left the peppered bacon in the GF Grill for 12 to 15 minutes. It was not over done or under cooked. It was just right - three bears style.

The flavor was hammy but not porky. Salted perfectly. Not too smoky. It had a good chew to it, but the best part was how the black pepper had infused the bacon. When eating the bacon, the pepper flavor is nice and not overpowering, but there is an subtle after burn that I like. It leaves you savoring the bacon long after it's swallowed. Mmmmmm. More please. And I did.

I cooked the remaining 3 pieces of bacon, prepared some free range scrambled eggs and brought them all together with some shredded Parmesan in low carb tortillas. It was absolutely wonderful.

I love bacon and eggs. Bring it. And yes, I ate the whole pound of bacon. Needless to say, pigs fear me.  I worry a fair number of Angus and barnyard fowl too.

And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program...

Sorry for all the music videos. I hope that you at least listened to them and discovered new songs you had never heard by artists famous for other things. Two of the Kevin Max offerings were in conjunction with Rich Mullins in a project called Canticle of the Plains. If you ever have the opportunity, you should listen to the entire CD. It was a concept album of sorts. Rich wanted to take the life of St Francis of Assisi out of it's medieval context and put him in the 19th century American west. In it's final state, I think it was going to be a musical, but I do not believe that ever happened. I could be wrong about that.

There was also a song from Zion, (Rich Mullins' original group and the name of his first album). I have the album. If you can get a copy and you have something to play it on, there is some good stuff there including the original version of "Sing Your Praise to the Lord". It has an almost classical sound in the prelude. Most of the songs from the album can also be found on YouTube and the sound quality is good.

The Keith Green Song is one of my favorites. I also like his "Easter Song". Again, these can be found on YouTube if you do not want to purchase a recording.

I hope you enjoyed them all and listened carefully to the words. Rich and Keith were as much poets as song writers. They actually preached through their music. It's something I admire and envy. Kevin Max has an unusual voice quality, especially for a man. His delivery of the songs featured in the videos is incredible to my mind. I have no idea what he is doing today. I suppose he could have joined Rich and Keith in the great amphitheater of heaven.  

Love As Strong As Death - Canticle of Plains by Kevin Max / Rich Mullins

Kevin Max - If I Could Make It Work In Life From Canticle of the Plains by Rich Mullins

Truth..listen to the words...

In The Light - DC Talk

"I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you..."

"I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you..."

That's what Yahweh said to Pharaoh as recorded by Moses in Exodus 9:16 as He used the king to bring Israel out of Egypt and glory to His everlasting Name. Paul uses the quote again in Romans 9:17 in reference to God's sovereignty regarding Israel, and indeed, all humanity.

We will revisit this in a bit. Now we need to look at John 9:1-3.

 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.

Interesting that these all come from chapter 9 of their various books. I'm sure it's merely coincidence...or maybe not. Whatever the case, it all paints an amazing picture of how God works in time and the events of our lives to make things happen to everyone's advantage.

A couple of questions arise when we look at this passage from John. First, why would Jesus' disciples automatically assume that sin was at the root of the blind man's blindness? 

Answer: it was the thinking of the Jews that God would visit the punishment for the sins of the father on the sons as far as the sixth generation. It was also thought by the ancient rabbis that it was possible for the unborn to sin in the womb. It was a teaching of the time that Esau had tried to kill Jacob in Rebekah's womb. The psalms of David also point to the possibility of sin in utero -  Psalm 51:5,6...

5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
    sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
    you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

Also, Psalm 58:3

 Even from birth the wicked go astray;
    from the womb they are wayward, spreading lies.

This is not to say that the Hebrews and later the Jews were of a Calvinist / Augustinian mindset. I do not believe they were. They were, however, familiar with how all human flesh has been broken since the fall from God's grace. They knew all humans have an overpowering tendency toward sin to one degree or another. Since the time of Christ and the gift of the Holy Spirit though, God's new nation, the Church have more power to resist the brokenness of the flesh. This is not to say we use it like we should, but we have more than the mere intellectual enlightenment of the law to tell us what sin is.

Jesus states unequivocally that no one sinned. He says that the man was born blind so that the works of God might be displayed in him. Wow.

So the really big  question here about the John 9 passage : would God really cause a man to be blind from birth, simply to show His power through the works of His Son? Is that fair? The man had been blind for decades. 

God may not have purposely caused the man's blindness. It might simply be that 'brokenness of the flesh' thing again that God simply makes use of. But I do not think so...

We who are of an Armenian theology tend to gloss over God's sovereignty in favor of humanity's free will when God's fairness in human eyes is at stake. This is an error that we must learn to get passed. The human idea of fairness tends to be based on what we see in the 'here and now'. We do not see time, history or the end game as the Lord does. Human fairness and divine fairness are far apart and we do not always understand what God has in mind as He uses His divine sovereignty.

I would suggest that God did indeed cause this man to be blind from birth for the purpose of displaying His works. I would go further. I would say that God might even ratchet up a man's propensity to sin to show His works in the life of the sinner.

Yes. I say this believing that God created me same sex attracted. He made me as I am that he might show me His never ending mercy and grace. In some ways I am grateful for this gift. I might never have realized how dependent I am on Him had I been born any other way. I cannot get through a day without Him, without His mercy and grace and most assuredly without the power He daily gives me to stand against my desire. Romans 9:14-21.

14 What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! 15 For he says to Moses,
“I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
    and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”[f]
16 It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy. 17 For Scripture says to Pharaoh: “I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”[g] 18 Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden. 19 One of you will say to me: “Then why does God still blame us? For who is able to resist his will?” 20 But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’”[h] 21 Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?

God uses us according to His foreknowledge of who we are to predestine us to be what He intends. He did it for Pharaoh and He does it for His own. Romans 8:28-30.

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

If you read the rest of John 9, you will know that the formerly blind man did bring glory to God by confessing His Son as Lord before witnesses. Armed with this knowledge, I will continue daily to do the same despite my disability.

Seeing things for the first time at my age is a mighty gift. Lord help me to see in the right direction. I love you.

December 25th...A Review

So, I got up, showered, shaved and and drank large amounts of coffee. Then I went to church. It was Christmas Day. The Body met at 1000. It was much the same as the Saturday night service with some minor changes. I sat with an Angel, which was appropriate for Christmas Day. I then went home and sliced the eggnog cheesecake and waited for the appropriate time to leave for Alison's. Took the Dog outside, even though it was raining, had a cup of coffee. I need coffee or I'm worthless.

I finally packed up the cheesecake and headed to my cousin's house. There was a good crowd. Some Brady's (Robinson's) were missing as they are in the process of moving to Denver. Others were celebrating with their new family units which is expected and quite OK. I was fortunate enough to be invited to my cousin's house where the traditional Brady Christmas meal was served.

What is the traditional Brady Christmas meal you ask???

It's spaghetti and meatballs with Italian sausage, Romano cheese and a sauce that is to die for. My Aunt Mary Ellen initiated the tradition many years ago. As you might expect, she was of Italian dissent, second generation. She had a family recipe that she has made for us Irish for years. It is Da Bomb. Very good. She took off to see Jesus in the Fall, but my Uncle learned the trade well and so provided the sauce. He has a variation on it that is just a bit spicier and I love it.

There was also wine this year. It was very good. I suspect there is wine every year, but I can't prove that. I believe there was a concern that we would be offended...'we' being my parents. I would not have been offended. Dennis and Laurie...well that's another issue. Dad claims never to have had a drink in his life. And even though Mom is gone now, I know for a fact that she enjoyed the occasional adult beverage, at least in her early adult years. Whatever. I have been of a mind that it's really a lot of bullshoi anyway. Enjoying wine or an adult beverage is not a sin. I think the whole fundie Christian thing about alcohol grows out of the temperance movement in the 19th century anyway and we all know what that lead to....feminism. So Christian, raise a glass. Enjoy. I did.

The family fellowship was good too. My family is the best. They are smart, they are funny, they are talented and they love Jesus. What more could you want in a family right? I love y'all

Jesus, I know it was most likely not your actual birthday, but since we don't know when that was (probably in September around high holidays), I hope you had a good birthday. I still can't get past God having a birthday...You are so intense. It makes a man's brain hurt. Thanks for coming. Hope to see You soon. Maranatha!    

Dennis

So, to the question I get asked everywhere I go, here is an answer.

Dad is OK. Not good, not bad, but in a good place. It's true that he does not eat much or drink enough water. It is true that he does not cooperate with his physical therapists. But he does have a certain peace about him right now that I cannot explain. He is learning to scoot around pretty good in his wheel chair. He likes to hang around at the nurses station and he always seems to know me when I arrive. He told a passing stranger yesterday that I was his little boy. She surely thought I was old enough to be a fellow inmate. Whatever.

I would not call him settled. I would not say he is getting any better. I'm not even sure he knows where he is at. But he does not seem unhappy either. This works for me. I am not dissatisfied with this outcome.

If you are out and about and in the neighborhood, stop by to see him. Parkridge is just west of New Life Church on the same street. He will always greet you, even if he does not know who you are. His roommate's name is Earl Stone. Earl is a bit of a character. You will like him. I'm not sure Dad knows Earl is there, but that's OK. Many at Parkridge are not cognizant of the others that are present. It's a very peaceful place for that reason I am sure.

Sorry You Missed Me...Merry Flippin Christmas

It's been a busy week; seven days since I last posted. I will try to crank out a few this weekend to make up for lost time. My life is changing. I used to get up in the morning and rush out of the house to go write at Caribou Coffee and escape my father at the same time. After that, I would go to work. Now I get up in the morning and rush over to Parkridge to see him before work. Work has been a bitch and so there was not much time in between to get the writing done. Things should improve steadily next week....I hope. Next year, I will officially become a short timer..I'm thinking about staying as a part time employee to keep my insurance, but I really don't want to. We will see what develops. I think I just need to be out of there. I hate it.

It's Christmas Eve. When I was a kid, we always had our Christmas celebration on Christmas Eve. Me, Dennis and Laurie and assorted Grandparents, usually Pauline and Lloyd. It was an 'only child' Christmas that would net me much booty. The result was a rather distorted view of what Christmas was supposed to be about. Over the years, I began to get the real picture. We were not doing it right. Even so, it continued for decades. Now, not so much.

There is peace, quiet and contentment on Christmas Eve. Mom has moved on to Paradise and Dad is in his waiting room at Parkidge.

To say that my years with Dennis and Laurie burned me out on Christmas, might be understatement. Even so, my Mom always loved the holiday. She loved decorating the house. Multiple Christmas trees, hand made ornaments from years gone by, some made by yours truly. Throughout all of it Dad remained silent. All the sentiment made him uncomfortable. I think feelings and emotions in general did that to him as well as the season itself. It's odd how it worked. Mom would bend over backwards to make it enjoyable for everyone. Dad would be stoic about the whole thing and as I got older, I did not really care, so it became difficult for her too.

Christmas Day in my earliest recollection, was normally spent at the house of grandparents. Later, we would have Christmas at my aunt and uncle's house - spaghetti dinner of the finest kind was offered. It's now offered at my cousin's house. I hope to attend on Sunday afternoon. It will be good I am sure.

I will be glad for the holidays to be over. In my present state, they are difficult in the extreme. They always make me feel rushed and they are tinged with guilt and I am not sure why. I try not to be melancholic at this time of year, but it's hard. Others, the Christmas people, seem to live for this season. I tend to think something is wrong with them. I suppose it could be me, but if you have ever had a Christmas person turn on you, you would know it was them. Just try to bring one of them back to earth from their Christmas high. You will find yourself categorized, named and stamped with a bad attitude sticker. You don't want to ruin a Christmas person's Christmas buzz. I think it's a sickness that only the New Year can cure, so don't harsh their mellow ok?

Here's to 2017. What will I be doing next Christmas? It could be an interesting year.          

Dawn We Now Our Gay Apparel...I am so freakin' funny

I am going to say it once again. It's an annual thing with me. I absolutely hate the Christmas season. Andy Williams needs to tell the truth. It's the most miserable time of the year.

The single factor that makes it the most miserable for me is the quality of daylight. It is dark until 8 AM, then it's overcast and dim throughout the day and then it gets dark at 4:30 PM. It's so depressing. Maybe I need to live somewhere on the equator where the daylight hours are exactly 12.

Another factor that comes into play is work. The two weeks that are the absolute worst in my business calendar begins on Monday. It is going to be pure hell. Fourteen hour days and little sleep.

Then there is my father. He is in long term care right now. He recently had hip surgery. He has not fully recovered. It takes two people and a lift to get him on the toilet and some people think I should bring him to the family Christmas celebration. He could not even get in my truck. He could not even get into the Highlander. It would make him miserable because he still seems to have a lot of pain. I will not even be trying. I apologize. I just can't do that to him.

I also hate the furious, driven nature of the holiday. People are crazy this time of year, shopping till they drop and in a feeding frenzy. I was supposed to go to dinner with some friends Sunday night, but I backed out. It is going to be nasty cold. There will be hundreds of people out Christmas shopping and then cramming themselves into crowded restaurants before they go home.

I just feel trapped by it all. Thankfully, the day is coming when I will be able to leave Iowa at this time of year. Get the flock outta Dodge...

People change at this time of year. I know I do. They become more polite. They pretend an artificial kindness. Inversely, I become nauseated by it all and withdraw.

There are the Christmas people. The get all invigorated and full of life at this time of year, brimming with optimism, faux joy and materialism. The odd thing is that when someone like me expresses a need to be alone or offers that it might not be so much fun, the Christmas people start name calling and shaming.

SCROOGE!

Ya, real good. Someone is down and does not hold the same opinion as you do about the season and so you turn on them. Just great. Lighten up ok! It is not Jesus' birthday. Anyone that has studied history knows this, so back off. This is a pagan, materialistic holiday. The winter solstice and Saturnalia. The symbolism of the wreath, the Christmas tree, the mistletoe and the yule log all come from dead pagan religions. The cult of the sun was celebrated in the Roman empire at this time every year. Then a Roman emperor turned Christian decided to create a celebration of Christ's birth around the same time period so that everyone could have a few days off. The result was syncretism of Christianity and pagan cults. They did the same thing with resurrection Sunday (Easter to pagans) and the vernal equinox, but that will have to wait for another blog post.

There is also the cultural and economic elements of it. People want to feel good despite the lack of daylight so they give and expect presents and businesses are more than happy to take advantage of that. They start pushing Christmas in September. Show them Your Money! Ya, that's their Christmas cheer.

How about some consistency people? Give of yourself year round and expect nothing in return. That is what Jesus did. What better way to celebrate Jesus; but no, we can't do that.

All right all you Christmas Nazis, exchange your presents and move on. Merry Christmas to you. Now get out

(;^))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))    

Notes From the Wise - Solitude vs Living in Community

These verses speak for themselves I think. It is why I have chosen to never again be alone. I may live alone and unpartnered, but I intend to have partnership with friends and acquaintances for the rest of my life. I need them, and even if they won't say so, they need me. It is how the Body is supposed to function; in community, for accountability and for the communion of the Saints. These scriptures came by way of the Your Other Brothers website in a blog post by Matthew Ashijjhi. He is SSA and 20 something, but very wise in his own way. Please feel free to follow the link and read. Be warned, YOB is not for the uninitiated. These young men talk about most anything SSA through a Christian perspective and it might seem blunt or even offensive to those not accustomed to such openness.

Now to the Holy Wisdom...

Proverbs 18:1

A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Proverbs 18:24

A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Church, we need to live like this and work together like this. We must know each other if we are to succeed in our walk. Let me give you this challenge. If you know someone at church that seems to be isolating themselves, reach out to them. Come along side them. If you get rebuffed, try and try again to break the ice. Someone did this for me once and it made my blooms start to open. Perhaps that's a poor way to put it, but he has been my friend since that time. And if you are out there and need some companionship and brotherhood, then reach out Brother. Again, if there is a rebuff, do not give up. Push for the brotherhood that you are owed in Christ.

We need each other. Ya, there will be things we do not like about each other, but that's part of the deal. You lived in some kind of family right? Was it all roses and chocolate chip cookies? Get over it. Let's love each other.

Do not walk away from a brother in need and do not be afraid to reach out to others for a hand up the cliff. You know what I'm saying. See ya in church!

Dennis Update

I am not encouraged by what I saw today at Parkridge. Yesterday he was standing for a few seconds in physical therapy...he did it 3 times. Today I found him in bed and zonked out at about the same time. I spoke with the nurse. She says he will not eat much, drinks very little water and is getting dehydrated. I have seen this my self. And when you offer to help him eat or drink, he says he will do it himself and then never does. He has also developed a sore on his backside from sitting in a wheel chair too much.  He had a bed sore when he was in the hospital, but that one has healed up.

He has also been asking me about Gramps...his dad and my grandfather. He passed in 2000. I remind him that Gramps is gone and he says, "I always forget that". Today when I reminded him, he said he missed him so much. My thought is "ya, who doesn't"

They got him out of bed while I was there and he was a bit agitated about the whole thing. A bit combative. He grabbed one of the aides by the throat. This is not good. Parkridge will kick him out if he starts doing that on a regular basis. The alternative is an Alzheimer's lock up in a different place. I hate the idea of moving him again. The last thing I told him was, "do what the nurses tell you to do". He said he would try. Obedience is not his strong suit. I understand now where I get it from.

Seeing him like this makes me realize more and more just how much I love him. There were a number of years during our lives together where that might have been in question for both of us. He was not the perfect father, and I was definitely not the perfect son.

I am glad we had this time in our lives together. It has been good for both of us. And Gramps is waiting for us on the other side. Yip. That's a good thing. I think sometimes, we try too hard to hang on to what we have here. I wonder if Dad is trying to let go of it and we just are not listening to him.

Lord, I'm never sure what you are thinking or what your plan is. I live in the here and now and you can see hither and beyond. Please help him to make a decision. If he wants to stay, then help him please to punch through the dementia fog and fight the pain. Help him to follow his physical therapy regimen and get up. Help him to walk again, even if it's with a walker. And Lord, if he wants to let go, help him with that too. If this is the plan, please take him quickly and with minimal suffering. Set him free. Perhaps I cry out for my sake because I hate to see him this way. I have no clue what you are doing with his spirit. If he needs some time, you would know that better than I. He never shares much of that sort of thing with me. Whatever happens, please bless him while he is here with us. Bend his spirit to yours. Let him dream of Gramps. In Your Name Lord, Amen.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

That was a popular Tina Turner song back in the Day. Whenever the Day was...

It turns out that love has everything to do with it. It is the only way we will enjoy any success in living the Christian life. If we love Jesus, everything else seems to fall in place. I jokingly advised a young high school graduate in his graduation card to "love Jesus, stay out of the bars and keep your pants on." But you know what? That's not really a joke. It's sound advise; wisdom for the current age. If we love Jesus, we want to be like Him.

Jesus Himself, pointed this out to His own people.

John 8:42-47

Jesus said to them, "If God were your father, you would love me, and I came from God and now am here. I have not come on my own; but he sent me. Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Yet because I tell you the truth, you do not believe me! Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? I am telling you the truth, why don't you believe me? He who belongs to God hears what God has to say. The reason that you do not hear is that you do not belong to God."

Wow. Jesus' own people that were expectant of a Messiah, could not accept Jesus, even though He spoke God's words. There are a number of reasons for this. Their interpretation of the Law and the prophets was not what it should have been. They were expecting a political and militaristic Messiah that would be concerned with freeing them from Roman servitude and bringing back the days of glory they enjoyed under David and Solomon. What they got though and what they were so strongly rejecting, was a Messiah that was interested in setting them free from their spiritual bondage to sin. This is not what they wanted. It is why they turned on Jesus in the end.

In this passage, Jesus points out the problem. They do not love Him and the reason for that is that they do not love His Father. They do not believe in Him because they do not believe in His Father. What they do believe in is the 'here and now' and their immediate material and political needs. To there minds, there is no sin issue, no need for a savior; they have the temple and sacrifice for that.

What they do not understand is that Jesus can release them from their need for the law, if they believe in and love him. He can free them from their sin to live as God's people.

I do not relish saying this, but there are many Christians today that are in the same place as these Jews. While we do not reject Christ, we are not entirely in love with Him and His Father. We love the things of this world more. We like the idea of Jesus, His grace, His love for us; but we do not quite get the rest of it.

If we love Jesus, we will love His Father and we will be obedient. Love and faith produces obedience and trust.

So Christian, do you love Jesus and obey Him? Or do you like the idea of Jesus and being forgiven, but feel like you can do what you want because of His grace? Ya...are you a Christ follower or a Christ user?

Who is your father? Is it Yahweh or the prince of this world?

God's grace is for the repentant. The repentant turn away from their sin.

So what's love got to do with it??? Everything.  

Parkridge

As you may be aware, Dad is at Parkridge  in the skilled care wing. He has been going to therapy twice daily. Yesterday I had a meeting with the therapist and the social worker at the facility. Dad is not progressing with his therapy and will be moved to long term care next Wednesday if he does not show signs of progress. Aside from standing up with the assistance of three therapists, he has not done much else and is not cooperative with their efforts. He does not seem to grasp that he will not walk again without this therapy. I believe this is because the Alzheimer's has advanced a great deal since his fall. He seems more confused now than he has ever been and I'm sure recent events only make this worse. From the ER to the hospital to surgery and recovery followed by transfer to Parkridge; this would be enough to confuse me and I don't have Alzheimer's...yet.

He just cannot concentrate. He is unable to punch through the dementia fog and see what it is he needs to do and his intolerance of pain has increased. I'm not sure where his mind is, but it is not on recovery or dealing with the discomfort of therapy.

He is also not eating as he should. I was with him at breakfast yesterday. He had a bite of egg and two bites of French toast. That's not going to make him him stronger. He will eat bananas and drink certain juices and this should help, but I do not think it will be enough in the long term. I am told that awareness of hunger and satiation is one of the things that goes in the later stages of Alzheimer's.

In all, the outlook is not rosy. I suppose he could go on for five years or more in his current state, but I do not know that. He had Alzheimer's when I got him and that was over five years ago. I do not know the duration of the stages. He may be at the end of the road or at least close. It remains to be seen.

Today when I was in to see him, it was apparent he had some visitors. There were cards and chocolate from my cousin's candy shop in Pella. Dad remembered people being there, but could not tell me who. He remembers faces and associations, but not names. I'm not sure he even knows my name. At physical therapy today, he thought he was at the dairy. He kept telling the woman that was working with him that she should get to know the drivers better because they make good husbands. It will be interesting to see if this kind of commentary becomes inappropriate...if you know what I mean. He has turned into a bit of a comedian.

When he moves to long term care, he will have a roommate. I hope it will be someone he can talk to and that they get along well together. It's important.

That's all I've got on the 'Dad' front. Later.    

I Can't Talk To You Right Now

Have you ever heard that expression from someone, maybe someone you counted as a friend, that is angry with you? They normally think that they have all the facts when they say this. It's been my experience that is not the case. Usually it's because they have one side of a multi-faceted story or they make assumptions, filling in their own blanks with what seems logical to them. Other times, they just like to get their 'mad' on and there is an addiction to the indignation factor; a self confirming 'how could they do this?'. Again, this is usually because all the facts have not been presented.

There is one other factor that brings these things to a head. It's an emotional issue that usually springs from an emotional attachment to the subject matter of the disagreement. This is especially hard because it often times pits love up against what is right. When this happens, we question ourselves, what we believe and how a situation should be or should have been handled.

I have seen this happen in the church. Sometimes church doctrine or morality will conflict with behavior of a member or members. We like to err on the side of grace and love, or we like to tow the line of what the New Testament says is righteous and so the unfriendly discussions commence...unless I just can't talk to you right now.

I have to say that I have been there and done that. I was so sure I was right and that others were wrong, that I just could not talk to them. I had to wait so I was rational when we finally did talk about the issue. I'm not sure how my refusal to speak was taken, but it did make me more effective in the discussions that followed.

What I'm saying is that waiting is fine. It's good to be calm when you are discussing something that is important to you. But it is also important that it be discussed before making any decisions about what you will do. A rational discussion helps everyone involved in the process. If we don't talk, nothing gets fixed. And maybe nothing will get fixed to our liking, but at least we will have discussed it and agreed to disagree. At some point, there must be an airing of the grievances.

Now might be the time.  

Stress

It's odd how stress amplifies things. My SSA has been ratcheted up by all the events.

You would think that despite all the distractions, I would be able to focus, but for some reason...I don't know.

I need more sleep too..I am way too wired. I wake up every two hours at night. When I am home, I keep forgetting my patient is not there. I am accustomed to listening for trouble. Now there is no noise at all except for the dog. Oliver misses his daddy. Every time he goes outside, he looks for him.

I had a crying jag this morning. Leaving the dog home alone and moving Dad to Parkridge is eating away at me. It makes me sad. There's some guilt. And there is recognition of the fact that another chapter in my adventure and Dad's adventure is coming to a close.

It is what it is. Someone needs to watch me. I am not prone to irrational behavior, but I'm feeling kind of twitchy.  

In The Chair. Update

Update...Dad is moving to Parkridge this afternoon at 2 PM
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Dad got up in the chair for the first time yesterday and he is back in it again this morning. He did not like  biscuits and gravy today, so he ate a banana and orange juice. He said the coffee was bad too. I didn't mind it, but then I like Espresso.

His mind is another issue. He asked me how my wife was doing. This is funny in so many ways. He says cute things like that quite a bit now. Somewhat nonsensical, but entertaining at the same time. Right now he's rearranging the items on his meal table. Last night while he was trying to eat, I noticed he needed a new napkin. I told him I was going to get one. He told me to stop by the Dairy and get a case. He was also explaining to a visitor how they put everything in plastic bags now. Not sure what that was about, but his explanation of the process was very thorough.

His physical condition is better than it was, but not good. He is stronger, but not strong enough. The edema in his right leg is much better, but there is still some 'weeping'. His incision seems to be healing well. His arms are black and blue in various places from IV punctures and blood draws.

I have not heard when the move to skilled care is coming. I will have to ask. I am going to be going back to work this week in the evenings, so I hope they are planning on a morning transfer. I do not want to be running around at the last minute trying to get all his stuff together. It would be nice to be able to plan.

That's all I've got right now. Later

Shopping For A Nursing Home

Have you ever done that? The process is interesting in some respects as well as educational. I visited five places in the immediate area and presented my needs or should I say Dad's needs. What I learned was that it's tough to get a bed if it's a quality facility. Further to the point, these care facilities are picky. They seem to want only a certain clientele. This is because of what they are allowed to do by law and how some care insurance policies are structured.

Some places do only assisted living. They may well have memory care facilities, but they only want people that do not need much in the way of supervision. They like independence in their residents, but they do not like it when they try to escape. Did you know that if a patient may require the assistance of more than one care worker, they can not live in an assisted living facility? Patients with this requirement must go into long term care.

Further to the point, if your insurance policy is an older policy, it will most likely only cover long term care. It cannot be used for assisted living with only some exceptions. Many care policies also have a 45 day waiting period where the insurance carrier pays nothing. Some places want a down payment or earnest money. There are damage deposits involved on rooms too just like apartments. In all, it seems to be a very profitable business, so it's no wonder it's so heavily regulated.

My Dad is going to need two things. Skilled care to recover from his hip surgery and then long term care for his worsening Alzheimer's. I have determined that an assisted living situation would not work for him. He is going to need all the help he can get. When searching for a nursing home and when there is a need for both of these care levels, it is also very difficult to find an adequate place that can do both. By this, I mean that a facility may have beds available for skilled care, but not long term care after that. Much of this is a waiting game.  Doing both of these at the same facility is optimal for the patient, but many times is not possible because of room availability.

I have chosen a facility close by for the skilled care Dad will need. It is my hope after he is back on his feet (with a walker), that a bed will open up for him in long term care. If there is a room available, Dad will have to go through an evaluation to determine if he is a flight risk. If he is deemed a flight risk (called elopement), then he will have to move to a secured facility. It's required by law apparently as are many other things in that business.

Whether any of this happens at all is going to depend on Dad. Since his surgery yesterday, he has refused to get out of bed and sit in a chair. He has not been eating to regain his strength. He is a bit dehydrated and he is sleeping quite a bit. All of this magnifies his Alzheimer's symptoms. He is sun-downing and it's not pretty.

Today, the physical therapist got tough with him and cranked up his bed to sit him up. They did manage to swing him around, but they could not move him to the chair. He refused to cooperate.

I had to tell him today that he would die in bed if he did not get up and start using that new hip. This is no exaggeration. The orthopaedic surgeon said that the mortality rate in the first year for hip surgery patients is 50% and it's because the patients refuse their therapy, refuse to participate in their recovery.

There is a great deal of pain and soreness involved (as well as stubbornness). I understand this, but if he wants to survive and have some quality of life, he is going to have to fight. I am not sure he understands the consequences and it's most likely because of his Alzheimer's. He is not a coward. I know this. I grew up with him. He taught me not to fear pain; that it's a part of life. He has apparently forgotten this for himself.      

If you want to pray for him, pray that he will get up. It's what he needs to do right now.

Dad Update

Dad's surgery was a success.  He is a bit sore and miserable . They are going to set him up in a chair later. Ouch. I do not think I will be here for that.

Anyway thanks for the prayers

Dad

Many of you already know, but Dad is in the hospital with a fractured hip. Yesterday, in the morning around 7:15, he was out in the yard with the dog. He went up on the east deck of the house, turned around and came back. As he stepped down from the deck into a pile of leaves, he slipped and fell. I was inside at the time. I had just showered and was getting dressed. I heard a pounding upstairs. I finished dressing and came upstairs. Dad was not in his chair, so I went outside. He had been pounding on the deck wall. He had pulled himself up on the deck wall and was standing, but said he couldn't walk. I went to the garage and got Grandpa's walker. I got him to the car with the walker and we went to the ER. X-rays revealed a fractured hip. He will have surgery today. Rehab is in his future and then, I think, full time nursing care at a facility. His days of being home alone during the day have come to an end. I do not believe he is safe. It's interesting because it was just Monday that he was riding the lawn mower and chopping leaves. Things can change fast.

I will advise about how the surgery went later. Thanks so much for your prayers and visits. Christian friends and family are the best.

Truth In Words and Art

Repentance Is Hard

Yesterday I told you of my sin against my brother and the fact that I have been behaving like a black hearted Pharisee. I told you about the advice I received from the Blacksmith as He swung His hammer to take out the impurities. I passed this advice to one and all. It is sound advice. It comes from the Blacksmith's Son.

"Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Me."

Now the hard part. Applying it to myself.

I have to begin with repentance. There is no grace without repentance. At least that's what I believe. I have to turn from my sin and do what is right.

I apologize to my brother. I was cruel, mean spirited and vengeful deep within my soul. I took your actions personally and in ways that I should not have. I pissed myself off for no reason relevant to our struggles. And worst of all, I never said a word to you about it.

And this is where it gets even tougher. While I am sorry for mistreating you in my mind and before others, I still think the basic Biblical principles behind my anger and other misdirected emotions are correct. My interpretation of the scriptures does not allow me to lead the life you lead. I wanted to impose my version of truth on you. I wanted you to abandon your course and live as I do. I'm not sure I have the right to do that, even if you are a member of the same local body I belong to. It's something between you and God. He will be the last arbiter of our lives here and He will direct the grace where needed.

I can try to convince you of my point of view, but I do not believe that it is my right to force it on you. God gives us choices, right down to the choice of whether or not to believe in Him. He uses the processes of our lives to mold us and make us as He would have it be. To freeze a point in time and say, "knock it off", is to interfere in God's work in our lives. To offer another point of view for you to peruse as you move forward is God's work. I was not doing God's work. I was being punitive, spiteful and even jealous.

I am sorry.

I am jealous of the freedoms you take for yourself. They are things that I regard as sin. Sin is offensive to me, hence my overreaction. But since we never had the opportunity to talk about it, I will never know your point of view and you will never know mine. I have created an unfortunate situation for both of us. Again, I am sorry.

I realize, at this point, that all this may mean nothing to you. Just more conservative rubbish. Believe what you like, but I have been there and done that myself. I do understand.

I guess I never did understand why we did not connect after I outed myself last year. And I still don't understand why you remained in the closet when you were out everywhere else. It is a mystery to me. The door was opened and I was the only one at church that walked out of the closet.

You and I are not the only ones. There are others. We need them to stand up and be counted no matter which side of the fence they are on - yours or mine.

Brother, there is always room and time to change your heart and mind. I am trying to soften my heart. It has been made sore by life and events beyond my control. I am not offering an excuse here as much as an observation.

I hope you can forgive me.  

The Anvil Of His Grace

There is a place in the Arabian desert that T. E. Lawrence called the Anvil of God. In Arab legend it was the place of intense heat where God took men to bend them to His will.

I can testify that God does have an anvil. He is the Blacksmith of heaven, bending the souls of men to His will, wielding His hammer without mercy in an effort to save us. It is contradictory in the human sense, but He thinks nothing of killing us to save us. He knows that we have to die before we can really live. Sometimes He manages to kill the rebellion in us so that we live this life for Him. Other times, the flesh must die so that we can live. His loving intentions will be born out in the eternal lives of those He saves.

There are times in this life where we of faith can look back and see how He has formed us and shaped us in His Forge and pounded out something beautiful from the cheapest metals of our lives. Then there are those days when we know He is not done with us. He grasps us with His tongs and plunges us back into the fire for one more bout of refinement, one more pounding of His holy hammer.  

I discovered yesterday that I still have a hard heart. I felt like the older brother in the story of the prodigal. I was angry, resentful and vengeful. I wanted to call down fire on my brother even as others were rushing around to rescue him. My well of human grace and kindness was dry. I had nothing to offer but bitter anger at how he has disrespected me, my testimony, my faith and even the sacrifice I brought to the Lord.

I did not have a clue about any of this until others tried to make his problem my problem. I knew I had a lingering jealousy of this individual. I knew I was coveting the self willed life he is currently enjoying. But in the night and while I slept, the Blacksmith of heaven did His work. In the midst of fire and blazing heat, His hammer came down and split the hot metal of my soul. The impurities flowed out and then I knew.

I am guilty of self righteous resentment, hate and anger toward my brother. Even now I just want to let him drown in his sin. My hand is not forthcoming. I do not wish to pull him back into the boat. And part of this is because he is not reaching out for help. If someone is to help save him, it will be against his will. My thought is that he needs to struggle some more. And so I cross my arms and let him drift away while he tries to breath sea water. So be it.

Really? Is this the way I am? Apparently so.

Whatever... It is good I did not join the rescue efforts. It is good that I did not involve myself, given the abject poverty of my attitude and hardness of heart. It was thought by some that I could empathize. I can. I understand exactly how he feels. I understand exactly what he wants and the only -  the only advice I have for him is what the Blacksmith gave me as His hammer came down on my soul.

"Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Me."

Thanksgiving

Well, it's Thanksgiving Day again. I have much to be thankful for, though I try not to reserve my thanks to one day a year. The One who made me is faithful to see to my needs and make my life work. There is something of a miracle there. You have no idea.

Anyway, I just want to tell family, friends and fellow Christ followers how much I love you. Without y'all in my life, much would be missing and the material things would seem useless.

To the Angels, Rhonda, Karla, Billie and, yes Brenda and Patty too, thanks so much for taking the time. I know I am an acquired taste. Thanks so much for coming along side me in my walk. We are an interesting and eclectic group.

To Eric Lang who was the first Christian brother to share my burden, Thanks so much for your efforts and continuing friendship. You are a very patient man. The love of Christ flows from your fingertips. Sometimes it's a bit snippy, but I both need and appreciate that. I love you man! Have you forgotten about the day I told you? I was house sitting for the parents. I invited you over. We sat on the deck and I told you I was gay. As I recall, you laughed at me. Your reaction was great...really it was. From my point of view, it could have been way worse. Even so, you continued to be my friend. Your continued love and support gave me the encouragement I needed to trust others with the information. And eventually I did. In many ways, you became my first accountability partner. Thanks for the Love Buddy!

Remind me to put you in the will....

To family on both sides, let me just say I love you and thanks so much for letting me continue to be your nephew or cousin.

To my church...I love you all too. Thanks for letting me teach for 17 years. It helps fill the hole in my soul and it keeps me in the Word. I also love the exchange of knowledge and the mutual celebration of our salvation. We are truly new creations. We are no longer what we once were. We have been empowered to fight back by the One that shares His Spirit with us. Victory is ours and time is on our side. Nothing can separate us from His love.

I hope you all have a good day. If you're with family, steer clear of politics and focus on the end game. We have a glorious future ahead and it will last forever.

To Him Who Loves And Saves us be the glory, honor and power! Maranatha!  

It's Gonna Be One Of Those Days...

Well, it's Sunday. Dad did not want to get into the shower and, man, did he need one. He said he did not feel like going to church, that he did not stink and that he was not going to take a shower.

Sheesh. He is 80 not 4. I'm thinking it's the Alzheimer's. He is like stage 6 out of 7. Where he is at in stage 6 is the question, but if last night is any indicator, he is getting close to 7.

He came down to my man cave with the dog last night after watching a TV show about computer fraud upstairs. He thought the whole thing had been real and that the people on the TV had been in the living room. He was all concerned about computer security and he was trying to call someone where he worked 17 years ago (and all of his adult life prior) to warn them. When I explained that it was a TV show, that it was not real and there was no one in the house, he wanted to know when they left. Once I got that in his head, he told me he wanted to get in his car and go home. I told him he was already home and that he had lived there since 1986. This was astounding news along with his retirement 17 years prior.

I finally got him sat back down and I changed the TV channel to a college football game. He settled down and dozed off. I went to bed and then woke this morning to his subtle refusal to go to church or even shower.

I'm not sure why Satan pushes him like this on Saturday nights. I know that when I pray about his craziness and ask God to drive Satan away, the 'sundowning' behavior always diminishes. For me, it's kind of a miracle actually. I praise God's name daily for what He does for my Dad.

Even so, it is feeling more and more like I am going to have to give someone else control of this situation. A retirement facility with an Alzheimer's unit may be required. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this. He is frustrated, and I am not getting any younger myself. I can barely lift him when he falls now. I know I will not be able to do it when I'm 65. I worry about leaving him alone in the house, even with a nurse. He can be a difficult, belligerent bully.  And I am just as bad...

I think he needs to be in a place with a staff that can cope with him. I know that once he is out of his home environment, he will not do as well, but he should not be there in his present state.

It's going to be a rough holiday season.

Are You Eating Right?

Our diets can determine many things about us. A diet high in carbs can make us fat. It can make us insulin resistant. We do not properly metabolize the food we eat and it ends up stored by our bodies in the form of fat around our middles and chins. It can be a problem in a fast food culture. What we take into our bodies says much about what our bodies become. It can even effect how long we live and what kind of physical health we enjoy.

We need to eat to live and not live to eat. Food can replace many things in our lives. It can provide comfort; that feeling of fullness in the belly is much like feeling loved. And so we eat to feel better. We eat when we are not hungry and we eat things that are not really good for our bodies. Our six packs become kegs and our arteries clog and we wonder why we feel bad.

Much of it has to do with what's going on in our heads. If we are needy mentally and spiritually, we do what we need to to do to feel better in our heads by satisfying our stomachs. It works in the short term. We feel better. We feel satiated. But that feeling does not last long and we soon need to be fed again to recapture that sense of fullness and satisfaction. It's the same thing that is at work in the alcoholic and the drug addict and even the nicotine addict, but with a subtle difference. We have to eat. We will die if we do not eat. And so I say again, Eat to live. Do not live to eat.

It's odd how our mental and spiritual well being is tied to our physical well being in this way. It says that most of America is not only overweight, they are unhappy and unsatisfied. And that brings me to the most uncomfortable conclusion of all...

Church, You are fat. What is it you have been consuming? Do you know why you do it? Whatever 'it' is? You need to be eating better. You need to get your mind and spirit right. Set the muffin down and back away from the table. There is a carrot stick over here with your name on it. In the meantime, let me suggest you feed your soul a bit better. Then maybe some cupcakes will not seem so appealing. For a people that are supposed to be the model of self control, y'all are a mess. So brush the cookie crumbs off your chest, get up and get some spiritual exercise. Jesus had just the menu plan for you.

John 6:53-59
 53 Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. 55 For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. 56 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. 57 Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. 58 This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” 59 He said this while teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum.

Jesus' menu plan did not sit well with the folks of His day, but this is what He had to say to them. They were seeing cannibalism and vampiric behavior. They seemed to be taking Him literally when He was speaking metaphorically. In our day, many Christians react the same way. While they might see symbolism here, what they see is a foreshadowing of the Lord's Supper. This is also incorrect. The Lord's Supper does not bring eternal life. It is a 'remembrance' feast.

No, Jesus was speaking metaphorically here. It was His desire that we take in His very essence into ourselves, that we become who He is as much as possible. He wants us to incorporate His being and character into ourselves. If we do that, we will lose the spiritual fat. If we do that, we will find contentment spiritually and mentally and that will translate to healthier physical bodies. We will not have this nagging, undefined need to take in or eat things that are not good for us, even when we are not really hungry.

He is the Bread of Life and He's low carb, so eat as much as you want. Let's dig in.      

The Limp in My Soul

I have been accused of not studying the Old Testament. And it's true that I do not spend much time there these days. In the past however, I was there almost exclusively. I probably could have been a Pharisee. The stories of the Patriarchs, and later Moses and Joshua, are riveting and they point to the One that I love that came in the fullness of time to save me. It helps me to put His whole story together, so I am thankful for my legalist days. It gives me an appreciation for the age of grace.

One of my favorite characters in the book of Genesis is Jacob, son of Isaac. He was a smart man. He was also a calculating plotter that had a knack for making things work out to his advantage. He was not someone you would think of as submitted to God, at least in the early years of his life. Later though, he had no choice. If Jacob was to survive, he had to bend his will to the Lord God. Their's was a rough and tumble relationship where learning came with life's losses and gains and a father-in-law that was smarter than he.  Jacob learned to bend like a reed in the wind of God's instruction. It all worked out very well. The errors of his early life, though they worried him, never came back to haunt him as he thought they would. He passed from this world as the father of a burgeoning nation in the incubator of Egypt. It was his family that became God's first people and the gene pool for the Savior of the world. Jacob had become an important man in God's plan, before he died. He was a man that dared to wrestle with God.

My favorite story about Jacob concerns his return to Canaan from the land of his uncle and father-in-law, Laban. After he had safely sent all his family and herds across the the river Jabbok and into Canaan, Jacob went back to the other side to spend the night. He was worried about a number of things including the reaction of his brother Esau to his return home. Moses explains it this way in Genesis 32:22-32.

 22 That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” 27 The man asked him, “What is your name?” “Jacob,” he answered. 28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.” 29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.” But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there. 30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.” 31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip. 32 Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob’s hip was touched near the tendon.

My soul is disabled. I limp. I need a spiritual crutch just to get around. Strangely, I seem to get things done, even when the hip of my soul aches with the pain of my spiritual old age and a lifetime of fighting the battle. It reminds me how the Lover of my soul cares for me. He has to. He is the one that gave me the limp. We wrestle a lot. He can be kind of rough. Even so, I enjoy it. I always did like to be man handled. If you want to know who wins these wrestling matches, I would have to say we both win. He always prevails in the end, but the things I learn enable me to prevail in life. He enables me to cross the Jabock daily and encounter the Esaus of my life. He turns the messes in my life to blessings. even so, we wrestle. He seems to enjoy correcting my self willed plans...replacing it with His. I love Him.

We wrestled just last night. The bed clothes were a mess; damp with my sweat. I had been dreaming that someone was at the foot of the bed slowly removing the sheet that covered me. I could not see whoever it was, but I felt a presence. It scared me to the point of waking. It was 3 AM and do you think I could go back to sleep? So I laid there staring at the ceiling trying to convince myself that it was just a dream. We talked. I prayed for someone that has been on my mind...someone that has the same limp that I have.

This one I prayed for seems to be walking in error and looking to all the wrong people to help him get around. He does not see his limp as a disability that requires dependence on God. He seems to be proud of his limp, willing to indulge it, even as he falls down. I do not know this fellow traveler well, but I am sensing pressure from my wrestling partner to talk to him about his disability. It's doubtful that he will listen to an old man with similar life experience, even so I am feeling compelled to act.

Who am I to do this Lord? You could do this in some other way. There is no relationship on which to base what I would say to him. He needs your intervention Lord. Yes, I know I could create a relationship. How long would that take? And is it already too late for that? I am not the only one that sees his limp. It has been obvious to all in attention and yet none of your other servants stepped up to help. Ya, I'm passing the buck. I'm not seeing a hopeful situation here. He has no reason to listen to me. And he is tired of trying to walk alone. Can you at least show him your presence? In the meantime, let me think. I am not smart like your servant Jacob, but I'm not stupid either. I will use the things you give me to help. I will need some words...I will wait. I need to know for sure too...should I do this. And please let me get some rest tonight. I'm tired.
         

On Being In Love - A Spiritual Experience

As we all know, the Christian Church has many proscriptions against what is considered ungodly behavior. The behaviors run the gambit of what might be considered (at least occasionally) normal behavior for non-Christian people. And yes, there are times when lovers of Christ fall into these behaviors. Sometimes it is purposeful and sometimes the events of life bring us to a point where we do what we know is wrong, what we've been taught is wrong, because we are driven by desire and personal need which, while wholly unchristian, seems to be part of who we are. We rationalize the behavior. We say, 'this is the way God made me' and why can I not do whatever it is since it hurts no one and I want it.'

Paul, who was an apostle of Jesus Christ, laid down much of what we call Christian morality in the New Testament. Evangelical Christians believe that what he wrote was inspired by God. It was God breathed, it came from a higher authority - the Creator of The Universe and Father of Jesus Christ. And so, it is with great reverence that we believers consider the words of Paul in our efforts to be obedient to the will of Him who gave His life for us.

In other words, It's a big deal! Got that? We respect what God laid down through His apostles and prophets and through the Living Word of His Son. We revere it. It is important to us. We try very hard to live within those bounds. At least until we are faced with the paradox of what we are in the flesh and who we should be in Jesus Christ.

I understand this conflict in ways that maybe other Christians do not. The urge to sin is present in the flesh of all of us that believe, but sometimes, just sometimes, our most primal urges are affected by this corruption and what is ungodly and abnormal seems hard wired in us and natural, even when it goes against nature and the created order.

This has been the battleground of my life. From an early age, I knew I was bent in a very sexual way. I have known from the time I was 13 years old, that I found men physically, sexually and personally attractive. When the other guys pined for a girl friend, I wanted to share myself and my life with a boyfriend. I wanted intimacy at every level with a male companion.

Having grown up and grown into Christianity, I also knew it was wrong. God and the Scriptures have a very narrow definition of what human sexuality and godly interpersonal relationships should look like. God ordained through scripture that marriage and human sexuality were holy only when it is between one man and one woman. Sexuality outside of these bounds is considered immoral, wicked and ungodly.

As a Christian and a believer, this created a contradiction in my life and a gaping chasm in my relationship with my Lord. It made me angry, rebellious and hateful toward Him...Him who loves me more than anyone. I demanded to know why He had made me this way, why He insisted that what seems so natural to me is also wrong. The pain of this fight separated us for years. In my early twenties, I had a relationship with a young man of similar age more out of rage at God than love of the young man. I think I was trying to punish God for permanently trapping me in this bent flesh. Whatever it was, I was not happy and it created a tenuous, bumpy and angry relationship between Him and me. I had grown up as a bit of a legalist. I did not understand His grace and unconditional love in the proper context. And so it made all the spiritual issues much worse. I went through years of depression and pain, but after my college boyfriend, there was never another man in my life. In my spite, I told the Lord I would never do it again unless someone showed up in my life and chose me. I would never again pursue another man in this way.

God works in strange ways...yes He does. Though we did not talk much until about 1997, He placed a man in my way. It was someone that I thought I already knew. As it turned out, I did not know Him at all.

The man was His Son Jesus Christ.

I never really knew Him and we are still exploring each other together, but it is the only relationship I have ever had that has brought me any peace. I have fallen in love with Him. I cannot live without Him. And since He is the jealous type, I do not 'step out' on Him. He knows I have a wandering eye, but He seems to recapture my attention at just the right time to make me realize just how much I love Him. He does this by loving me. That is much tougher to do than you might think. It also makes me feel special. Only an act of the Most High God could bring me around and I did not have to get blinded like Paul.

Jesus is the most amazing man I have ever met. He can even make the straight boys submit to His will. He is My God and the lover of my soul.

This has been my lifetime spiritual experience. My life is not over yet. Probably soon, but not yet. It's my desire to be with Him until the day I die. Even so, I still see the possibility that another 'Mr. Right' might grace my life in a very physical way. I guess what I'm saying is that there is still time for me to mess this up.

I'm thinking my Man will not let this happen. So if I suddenly drop dead, you will know it was my jealous boyfriend bringing me home. I love Him.            

Church Discipline and Agape Love

What makes for a healthy church? Are there any? Do all local bodies have their issues that need to be overcome? Probably. To one extent or another, there is always room for improvement. The spirituality of a local congregation is a major factor in the health of a church. Does your church walk in the spirit? Do they seek Christ and His righteousness? Do they long to know Him in ways they have never known Him before?

And what about knowledge? Where is your congregation at with regard to knowledge of God's will as revealed in scripture? Does that knowledge translate to faith motivated action? Does the membership of your local body really know each other and work together, pursuing each other as they pursue Christ together? Does knowledge of scripture inspire your church to love in that very Christian and agape sense.

Lots of questions here. Do I have any answers? Left to myself, probably not, but if I read the New Testament, I get an idea of what should be...what must be...if a church is to be healthy.

The apostle Paul was a letter writer. The New Testament is mostly made of of his letters to the churches that he helped to plant. Chances are good that if your church got a letter from Paul, there was a problem or problems there. So in the pursuit of church health, Paul would send letters advising what to do about issues of the time.

The Corinthian church was no exception. It had problems. It was not a healthy place. Even so, Paul did not give up on them. He addressed their issues in his first letter to them and he was very direct in his approach. It was a divisive church. People tended to group together according to who they were first taught by. They abused spiritual gifts, allowing some to dominate and bring disorder to their worship. They would not share with those of the congregation in need and they really did not have a good understanding of how to celebrate the Lord's Supper in the proper New Testament spirit.  They also tolerated open sin by certain members. This was made worse by the pride they had in their tolerance.

Beyond all that however, their worst problem was that Christian love did not temper everything they did in their pursuit of Christ and their salvation. They were clannish, cliquish and self centered; more interested in their importance and rank in the church than the welfare of their brethren. It was a mess of pride and opportunism that did not fit the model of what a church should be.

Let me ask you something. How well do you know your brothers and sisters in Christ? So you have relationship with them or are they mere acquaintances?  Do you know and love them well enough that you would be comfortable addressing personal behaviors with them, even sin that might not be good for them? What about you? Are there people in your church that you love and respect and would listen to if they were pointing out your sin and bad behavior urging you to repent?

You see, pride gets in the way of that kind of interaction in most churches. Sometimes it is a lack of knowledge about what is sin or it's our desire to avoid feeling judgmental or judged. There is also a misunderstanding of what Christian love is...because it is not judgmental or self righteous. The motivation of Christian love should always be to restore, to build, to improve upon whatever foundation was laid. It wants the very best for each of us including the death of what once was to enable the growth of what Christ wants us to become. We should be helping each other in love and not lording it over each other in self righteousness. Love and relationship determine the effectiveness and even the possibility of a successful discussion in this realm. 

Does your church do love right?

If we do not do love right, if we do not do relationships right, then how can we do church discipline right?  

I think what we find in both ancient and modern churches is that if the love is not there, not much else works well. If we do not know and care about each other and our spiritual health, the church just becomes another shallow social group; The Elks or the Lyons Club. You get my drift here.

I  Corinthians 13
   

13 If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

You see, none of what we do in church matters without love and relationship among the members of the local body. None of it will be understood without love. Intention and context is everything. If I do not have love and relationship with someone, should I be advising them about how to live? How will it be perceived if all I know about them is what I heard or read elsewhere?

And if I do have a relationship with them, a loving Christian relationship with them, do I not have an obligation to them to help them with their spiritual needs? Not the preacher, not the elder, but me?

Ya, I think so. 

We often wonder why we Christians do not live consistent with the things we believe. Could it be that we tolerate that situation so that we do not have to do the heavy lifting that goes with Christian love and relationship? We see Brother Bob's car in the parking lot of the strip club, but we say nothing to him because we do not know him all that well and we do not want to seem all judgmental. So instead we tell someone else, a church leader or pastor. We want them to do the heavy lifting. We do not want to be involved. What happens after that can be a calamity. Brother Bob ends up feeling condemned and punished, but not loved.

We have to be careful. Brother Bob may simply end up at another church. But the absolute worse thing is when Brother Bob throws in the towel and does not go to church at all because what little relationship he had with Jesus and the truth was destroyed by the punitive, judgmental actions of his church.

Do we love Bob or do we just want him to knock it off?

We need to love each other, consider the circumstances and try to help each other in love. 

Do I Know You?

Sometimes we Christians just don't see things. We are deliberately blind because seeing would kill our Jesus buzz.  Obvious problems are ignored because their roots are so deep and rooted in decades of a 'move along, there's nothing to see here' attitude; or, 'let's ignore this until it becomes a public, church-wide problem'. This kind of thing happens in evangelical churches all the time. We fail to help someone because we are so caught up in our own personal realities or we do not want to get involved or we think it's none of our business. That is, until whatever it is becomes a problem for everyone.

As the Black Crowes en-tuned all those years ago, "I Am Seeing Things For the First Time..."

When someone belongs to a church and they are what you call a lifer, meaning they have been there since infancy, you would think that the other members would know them, really know them, be involved in their life in sharing of personal issues and personal problems. Indeed, you would think that churches in general should function this way as the Body of Christ on Earth.

But no..we do not. We tend to treat each others' symptoms, but we never work on the disease. We do not want to step up and step out to help. It's not comfortable. Giving our Christian neighbor a leg up when he or she needs one is not always a spiritually uplifting experience. It can be tough and messy, especially if our help is not immediately desired. And so we hire professionals to do this for us. The pro may not have the same intimate connection with the brother or sister in question, but we want them to clean up the mess so we do not have to. We report spiritual issues to them and think it is not our responsibility to talk to whoever about whatever.

I would submit that this is the wrong approach. Do we not owe it to each other to minister to each other and see to one another's needs no matter how difficult and daunting those needs might be?

We need to be a kingdom of priests in ministry to each other and not sheep all nursing at the teat of the local professional God Botherer.

So how am I doing this? How am I modeling this fantabulous plan of mine to heal all the ills of the local church and model what I think is right?

I am doing nothing. Yes, that's right. I'm right there with the other lambys trying to get my spiritual handout and telling on the other lambs that bother me in my pursuit of a meal.

So how do we break this cycle? By breaking it.

I do not know my brothers and sisters all that well. I always assumed they did not want to know me all that well, so I never burdened them with who I really am until about a year ago. It went pretty well. I did not get thrown out, but only a few check on me to see if I'm having any difficulty in my walk with Jesus. And really, it only takes a few.

I guess my point is that we do not know each other all that well and I wonder if we really do want to know each other. Why do we fear this? Why do we want to keep our worms in a can off stage on Sunday so no one can see them? If there are worms, people need to go fishing. Just my thought.

It was suggested yesterday that I start by taking someone to lunch.

Who wants to go to lunch? I will buy.  You will have to talk. It takes me awhile to get warmed up.

So...

Are we seeing each other through a mirror darkly or are we seeing each other face to face?

It is what we make it. Right? 

  

Don't Be A Hater

"Don't be a hater."

You've heard that expression right? I find I agree with it for the most part, but in our culture it has come to mean things that I hate :^)))

Yes, I know. Sounds contradictory. Even so, the use of the phrase has come to mean that because we disagree with someone or we disagree with the way they choose to live, that we hate them.

Again, I hate that.

It is possible for me to love you and want the very best for you and still be at odds with your behavior and even the lifestyle you choose?

I do not think I hate anybody. I hate sin. I hate my own sin. I would like to leave it to you to hate your own sin, but if I am not aware of mine or choose to ignore it, what are your options?

If I am your brother in Christ and I am in a state of open rebellion against what is in scripture, you have an obligation to me to make me aware of what I am so obviously ignoring. You would not do this because you hate me. Quite the contrary, you would do it because you love me.

If you have children, let me ask you, do you ever disagree with their behavior? Do you discipline them? Is it because you hate them or because you love them?

I'm thinking your motivation is love here, but in today's culture, a choice to sin is simply a choice and if you don't like it, then you must be a hater. Right?

Prisons are full of people that never received proper doses of loving discipline from the people that loved them. Just sayin'...

You see. Love is doing the best thing for the one you love at the the time they need it most. Sometimes that involves discipline, training, coaching or whatever else you want to call it.

Hebrews 12:4-13

 
⁴ In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. ⁵ And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
⁶ because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”^[a]

⁷ Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? ⁸ If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. ⁹ Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! ¹⁰ They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. ¹¹ No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

¹² Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. ¹³ “Make level paths for your feet,”^[b] so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

We all need some guidance, sometimes even a "time out", to think about our course in this life and where we really want to go with our faith. God and our brethren can guide us and help us or we can live the way we want to our own detriment, both now and in the eternal sense. None of it means that God hates us or our brethren hate us.

To the contrary, it means they love us more than we might at first realize and that love is motivated by something more holy than any of us.

So...don't be a hater...care enough to look out for the spiritual welfare of your brothers and sisters in Christ, even when they do not care. If they think you are a hater, so be it. The day may come when they will think otherwise. This life ain't over until the heart stops. Change happens. 

Chruch Discipline Redux

Last week I wrote a lengthy post on church discipline. It was intended as a sort of 'how to' guide. What I was not clear about is when it should be used and who should oversee and administer such spiritual guidance.

Let me say here at the beginning that the procedures outlined by Jesus in Matthew 18 and the events in Corinth described by Paul in I Corinthians 5 should be our last resort in pursuit of church discipline. When there is no where else to go with an unrepentant church member, only then do we go here. These passages MUST NOT be used a a basis for witch hunts. "Jane Christian is wearing her skirts way too short. It's time to give her a warning"; we need to avoid going 'judicial' in situations like this. There are other ways such things can be handled.

So what does merit a round of church discipline? Yes, a good question. As I said in a recent post, open, blatant, habitual public sin that is in clear violation of New Testament standards would be enough to set the wheels of church discipline into motion.

And who decides what violations to pursue? Another good question. According to Jesus, it should be the offended person, the witness to the sin or the one sinned against. If this fails to turn the sinner away from their self destructive path, then others must be involved up to and including the congregation. Indeed, the accused may want such a public venue to clear their name. In no place does Jesus or Paul mention the involvement of church leadership. This is a matter to be settled among those in dispute or those offended or those sinned against by a brother.

There are many variables here. Suppose the accuser has been less than forthcoming about how the offense occurred; or the accuser has an axe to grind with the accused. This is a possibility. What if they are in competition for a leadership position in the church and they are vying for the same job? You see what I am saying? The entire background of the situation surrounding the offense must be brought to light. This may be something that one or both of them might like to avoid.

Then there is the whole "your sin is worse than mine and you have to go" drama. Or "yes, I know Jim and Dorthy are involved in similar activity, but the circumstances are different and more understandable".

We just cannot go there. It's an abuse of the procedures laid down by the Lord.

Finally, the discipline procedures laid down by Jesus MUST NOT be used by church leadership to start a witch hunt against anyone that may disagree with their policies. "Joe Christian is taking issue with our plans. Lets research his personal life and background and internet presence and see if there is anything there we can use to destroy him and remove him from the church."

NO>>>NO>>>NO

Any church leadership that is willing to go there should receive fire from heaven.

These procedures are extreme measures intended for extreme situations. They are not to be used until every other option has been exhausted. Period.

If you want your church to be a place of transparency where people can open up and be themselves and get help with their sin issues, their life issues, their marriage issues and family issues, then a heavy handed or biased use of such church discipline is not advisable. It will shut down transparency faster than a mud pie on a picture window. If people believe they are going to be prosecuted instead of helped, they will not only shut down...they will move elsewhere.

These things need to be considered when using church discipline policy.

1. Gravity of the sin of the accused.
2. The character of the accused and of the accuser.
3. Hidden motivations of all parties involved.
4. Relevance. Has anyone in the church at anytime previous ever been concerned about the behavior of the accused individual? If not, why now? What motivation is their for concern at this time by anyone?
 5. Consistent, fair application of the church discipline policy for everyone and not just those with sins that are more irritating, offensive or odd than those presented by the status quo.

If the policy cannot be used without abuse or bias or absolute clarity concerning the facts, it must not be used at all.          

Church Discipline Done With Mercy and Grace

This is a tough subject, particularly in the 21st Century, but it does not have to be a merciless, cold and graceless process. In scripture, there are procedures handed down to us from Jesus and Paul that outline what must be done when and errant church member refuses to admit and repent of his (or her) open sin. Perhaps I should define open sin?

I think 'open sin' is when the Christian sinner is very public about his actions, thinks there is nothing wrong with what he is doing and disagrees with those that try to point out his error, continuing in rebellion against God and church leadership and refusing to turn away from the sin and repent. You may have noticed that I used the phrase 'Christian sinner'. Yes, Christians are sinners too. We are sinners saved by the grace and love of Jesus Christ, but we do sin and we admit such regularly. We have to. We are called to confess our error when we fail and sometimes in a public fashion before the church or at least, specific brethren, but most definitely before God in prayer. Repentance from sin is a requirement of the Christian life when we fall into it.

For the Christian though, it should be easy to identify the times when we fail. As we grow spiritually, we become more sanctified and less likely to become mired in serious sin. That's the way it's supposed to work. We have been born again spiritually. Our bodies, however, are still an issue. We live in corrupt flesh that is weak and works against the Christian in his or her pursuit of holiness. Our bodies and brains want things that are not necessarily good for us spiritually. And so it goes.

We can fall into addiction traps. Our physical bodies become addicted to anger, greed, malice, sexual immorality, laziness, gluttony, drug abuse, porn, drunkenness and the list goes on and on. For the Christian, our flesh can work against our spiritual pursuits. The result can be a God centered resistance to the desires of the flesh or failure in the battle. Sometimes the failure can persist so long that the Christian will find ways to rationalize the sinful behavior. The behavior becomes regular public practice and the sin is no longer sinful to the mind of the believer involved. The sin hardens the heart of the believer, then the promptings of the Holy Spirit to stop the behavior are no longer felt by him.

When the sinful behavior reaches the point where it is open, public and unrepented, it becomes the duty of the Church to act to save their failing brother or sister from themselves and also make sure the sin does not infect the remaining members of the local body. This is where it can get dicey and I think it's why we were given procedures by Jesus Himself, as well as Paul for situations like this.

In the gospel of Matthew, chapter 18, Jesus tells us this:

  ¹⁵ “If your brother or sister^[b] sins,^[c] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. ¹⁶ But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’^{[d] 17} If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

Jesus makes it sound too easy perhaps. Pointing out someone else's sin to them is difficult and painful for everyone involved. The one doing the pointing knows he sins and so can sympathize with the perpetrator. If done correctly and with love, it can be a positive encounter between brethren ending in prayer and repentance. There is no place for self-righteousness in any step of this process. We are only made righteous by the blood of Christ. It is to that sacrifice that we must appeal when we repent. This is where we want the one in open sin to turn.

Sometimes more is required. The habitual sinner may refuse to recognize the problem and may even feel justified in the behavior. "It seems normal and natural to me" or "I like it, it's not hurting anyone except maybe me" might be offered as reasons for refusal to repent, or to change the behavior. At this point, an intervention of sorts is required. A small group of brethren should attend to the one in error to help the sinner see his fault. Again, this has to be done with love and grace. the purpose is not to condemn, but to save. There is also a need for witnesses to the testimony of the habitual sinner, so two or three people should be in the group when they approach the errant believer the second time.

Once the one in sin has testified to his point of view about the behavior and it has been determined that no progress was made in convincing him to repent, then the matter must be taken before the whole church. I do not know that this would be considered a trial as much as it would be one last ditch effort to convince the sinner of his error. Again, love and prayer would need to be applied in this process as well as attempts to convince the one in sin that he must repent. If this fails, then the instructions are clear about what must follow.

Disfellowship. Excommunication.

Until the errant believer repents, he cannot be a part of the Body. It is incumbent on the leadership of the local church to protect the body from the contamination of the open sin practiced by the one in error. Continued presence of the offender will say to the membership that sin is not taken seriously or that the behavior must be OK for 'me' since 'Joe' is still here and he does that stuff all the time.

Do you see what I'm saying? I think you do.

Paul actually practiced a form of this procedure. If you examine I Corinthians 5, you will find there was a man in that church that was engaging in sexual activity with his father's wife. Paul was mortified that the Corinthians had continued to fellowship with this man and that they seemed proud of how tolerant they had been toward him and his sin. Let's look at the chapter:
         

5 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. ² And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this? ³ For my part, even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. As one who is present with you in this way, I have already passed judgment in the name of our Lord Jesus on the one who has been doing this. ⁴ So when you are assembled and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, ⁵ hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh,^[a][b] so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.

⁶ Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough? ⁷ Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. ⁸ Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old bread leavened with malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
⁹ I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— ¹⁰ not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. ¹¹ But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister^[c] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.
¹² What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? ¹³ God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”

Paul had a problem with open, unrepented sin in the church and he also did not have any appreciation for the apparent tolerance of the congregation. It was all just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Can you imagine practicing this form of church discipline today? You should be able to imagine it and your church should be practicing it. It is necessary for the health of the Body and it is necessary if there is any hope of saving the one in error. 

Today though, we tend to stay out of each other's business. We do not like the discomfort of a public discussion or even a 'one on one' discussion of what might be eating away at our hope for eternal life. It's doubly hard to practice this kind of church discipline when we all know we sin and the confrontation of this one errant Christian in public just might expose us of whatever. And that may be the point of it.

We do not want to be quick to accuse others and we do not want to get our own selves caught up in the process. The motivation to do what is right as much as is possible can be strengthened by the desire to avoid such procedures.

As for the one that gets expelled from the body, well...it's never too late for them to repent if they are not dead. Then they can be reunited with the Body to full fellowship. This is the real purpose of such discipline - to bring repentance. This is why we are instructed elsewhere to examine ourselves. We must not slip into habitual sin and most especially the public variety where we cease to care about it at all.

This is what happened for the man in question in I Corinthians 5. His return to the church is explained by Paul in the second Corinthian letter in the New Testament. Restoration. This is the goal of church discipline. It is not to forever cast out those that fail. 

II Corinthians 2:5-11

⁵ If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. ⁶ The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. ⁷ Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. ⁸ I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. ⁹ Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. ¹⁰ Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, ¹¹ in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.

The believer that does not live as a believer is the concern here. We cannot live as we once did when we were nonbelievers. The behavior and the attitudes about the behavior have to change. It does not matter which sins we are discussing. And we also need more than mere sin management. 

I Corinthians 6:9-11

⁹ Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men^{[a] 10} nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. ¹¹ And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Our sins were forgiven at a very high cost - the life and blood of the Son of God. We must do what is required to stay within the bounds of His gracious sacrifice. The choice is ours. If we live according to the flesh, we will die in our sins. Some church discipline might just prevent that. So let's practice this discipline in the spirit of love and the grace of Jesus, holding each other accountable for the blood that set us all free. 

It will require us to be much more transparent in our lives with our brethren, but maybe that's the way it should be. We cannot help each other if we do not know each other.

What do you think?