I Can't Talk To You Right Now

Have you ever heard that expression from someone, maybe someone you counted as a friend, that is angry with you? They normally think that they have all the facts when they say this. It's been my experience that is not the case. Usually it's because they have one side of a multi-faceted story or they make assumptions, filling in their own blanks with what seems logical to them. Other times, they just like to get their 'mad' on and there is an addiction to the indignation factor; a self confirming 'how could they do this?'. Again, this is usually because all the facts have not been presented.

There is one other factor that brings these things to a head. It's an emotional issue that usually springs from an emotional attachment to the subject matter of the disagreement. This is especially hard because it often times pits love up against what is right. When this happens, we question ourselves, what we believe and how a situation should be or should have been handled.

I have seen this happen in the church. Sometimes church doctrine or morality will conflict with behavior of a member or members. We like to err on the side of grace and love, or we like to tow the line of what the New Testament says is righteous and so the unfriendly discussions commence...unless I just can't talk to you right now.

I have to say that I have been there and done that. I was so sure I was right and that others were wrong, that I just could not talk to them. I had to wait so I was rational when we finally did talk about the issue. I'm not sure how my refusal to speak was taken, but it did make me more effective in the discussions that followed.

What I'm saying is that waiting is fine. It's good to be calm when you are discussing something that is important to you. But it is also important that it be discussed before making any decisions about what you will do. A rational discussion helps everyone involved in the process. If we don't talk, nothing gets fixed. And maybe nothing will get fixed to our liking, but at least we will have discussed it and agreed to disagree. At some point, there must be an airing of the grievances.

Now might be the time.