Bacon Review - Petty Brothers Meats

A while back, I received a large amount of bacon from a friend at church. He had brought it down from Minnesota. There is a meat shop in Annandale that he had decided to try called Petty Brothers and so he made a large bacon purchase and shared the booty with me. I  I froze it until I was ready to use it. I recently got out a couple of pounds and let them thaw in the fridge. This morning I cooked some of it.

I chose the peppered bacon this morning. Monday morning I look forward to sampling the jalepeno. Today's experience with the peppered was glorious. I departed from my usual method of cooking bacon. Normally, I would line a baking sheet with foil and place racks on them to hold the bacon. Then I would bake the bacon in a 400 degree oven for 10 to 15 minutes.

Today I chose to use the George Foreman Grill that I found in the storage closet of my Dad's garage. My Mom, no doubt, put it out there because she hated it. I find I love it for cooking just about any kind of meat. Today, however, was the first time I used it for bacon. This particular GF grill is the largest I have seen. It's about 18 inches wide and 15 inches long and it gets very, very hot at it's highest setting. This is why I like it. A steak or chop or chicken fillet that is scorched to almost burnt on the outside, stays juicy and flavorful on the inside....but I digress.

I was not sure that the grill would work for bacon, but I'm pleased to say it did and the result was excellent. I cranked up the grill to its highest temp and then I put the bacon on it. The grill held all but 3 pieces of the whole pound of bacon. These bacon strips from Petty Brothers are a bit shorter than the standard bacon strip from the commercial bacon giants, but they are also thicker and meatier. There was little shrinkage during the cooking process and most of what ran down into the drip pan was water and not bacon grease. I left the peppered bacon in the GF Grill for 12 to 15 minutes. It was not over done or under cooked. It was just right - three bears style.

The flavor was hammy but not porky. Salted perfectly. Not too smoky. It had a good chew to it, but the best part was how the black pepper had infused the bacon. When eating the bacon, the pepper flavor is nice and not overpowering, but there is an subtle after burn that I like. It leaves you savoring the bacon long after it's swallowed. Mmmmmm. More please. And I did.

I cooked the remaining 3 pieces of bacon, prepared some free range scrambled eggs and brought them all together with some shredded Parmesan in low carb tortillas. It was absolutely wonderful.

I love bacon and eggs. Bring it. And yes, I ate the whole pound of bacon. Needless to say, pigs fear me.  I worry a fair number of Angus and barnyard fowl too.

And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program...

Sorry for all the music videos. I hope that you at least listened to them and discovered new songs you had never heard by artists famous for other things. Two of the Kevin Max offerings were in conjunction with Rich Mullins in a project called Canticle of the Plains. If you ever have the opportunity, you should listen to the entire CD. It was a concept album of sorts. Rich wanted to take the life of St Francis of Assisi out of it's medieval context and put him in the 19th century American west. In it's final state, I think it was going to be a musical, but I do not believe that ever happened. I could be wrong about that.

There was also a song from Zion, (Rich Mullins' original group and the name of his first album). I have the album. If you can get a copy and you have something to play it on, there is some good stuff there including the original version of "Sing Your Praise to the Lord". It has an almost classical sound in the prelude. Most of the songs from the album can also be found on YouTube and the sound quality is good.

The Keith Green Song is one of my favorites. I also like his "Easter Song". Again, these can be found on YouTube if you do not want to purchase a recording.

I hope you enjoyed them all and listened carefully to the words. Rich and Keith were as much poets as song writers. They actually preached through their music. It's something I admire and envy. Kevin Max has an unusual voice quality, especially for a man. His delivery of the songs featured in the videos is incredible to my mind. I have no idea what he is doing today. I suppose he could have joined Rich and Keith in the great amphitheater of heaven.  

Love As Strong As Death - Canticle of Plains by Kevin Max / Rich Mullins

Kevin Max - If I Could Make It Work In Life From Canticle of the Plains by Rich Mullins

Truth..listen to the words...

In The Light - DC Talk

"I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you..."

"I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you..."

That's what Yahweh said to Pharaoh as recorded by Moses in Exodus 9:16 as He used the king to bring Israel out of Egypt and glory to His everlasting Name. Paul uses the quote again in Romans 9:17 in reference to God's sovereignty regarding Israel, and indeed, all humanity.

We will revisit this in a bit. Now we need to look at John 9:1-3.

 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.

Interesting that these all come from chapter 9 of their various books. I'm sure it's merely coincidence...or maybe not. Whatever the case, it all paints an amazing picture of how God works in time and the events of our lives to make things happen to everyone's advantage.

A couple of questions arise when we look at this passage from John. First, why would Jesus' disciples automatically assume that sin was at the root of the blind man's blindness? 

Answer: it was the thinking of the Jews that God would visit the punishment for the sins of the father on the sons as far as the sixth generation. It was also thought by the ancient rabbis that it was possible for the unborn to sin in the womb. It was a teaching of the time that Esau had tried to kill Jacob in Rebekah's womb. The psalms of David also point to the possibility of sin in utero -  Psalm 51:5,6...

5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
    sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
    you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

Also, Psalm 58:3

 Even from birth the wicked go astray;
    from the womb they are wayward, spreading lies.

This is not to say that the Hebrews and later the Jews were of a Calvinist / Augustinian mindset. I do not believe they were. They were, however, familiar with how all human flesh has been broken since the fall from God's grace. They knew all humans have an overpowering tendency toward sin to one degree or another. Since the time of Christ and the gift of the Holy Spirit though, God's new nation, the Church have more power to resist the brokenness of the flesh. This is not to say we use it like we should, but we have more than the mere intellectual enlightenment of the law to tell us what sin is.

Jesus states unequivocally that no one sinned. He says that the man was born blind so that the works of God might be displayed in him. Wow.

So the really big  question here about the John 9 passage : would God really cause a man to be blind from birth, simply to show His power through the works of His Son? Is that fair? The man had been blind for decades. 

God may not have purposely caused the man's blindness. It might simply be that 'brokenness of the flesh' thing again that God simply makes use of. But I do not think so...

We who are of an Armenian theology tend to gloss over God's sovereignty in favor of humanity's free will when God's fairness in human eyes is at stake. This is an error that we must learn to get passed. The human idea of fairness tends to be based on what we see in the 'here and now'. We do not see time, history or the end game as the Lord does. Human fairness and divine fairness are far apart and we do not always understand what God has in mind as He uses His divine sovereignty.

I would suggest that God did indeed cause this man to be blind from birth for the purpose of displaying His works. I would go further. I would say that God might even ratchet up a man's propensity to sin to show His works in the life of the sinner.

Yes. I say this believing that God created me same sex attracted. He made me as I am that he might show me His never ending mercy and grace. In some ways I am grateful for this gift. I might never have realized how dependent I am on Him had I been born any other way. I cannot get through a day without Him, without His mercy and grace and most assuredly without the power He daily gives me to stand against my desire. Romans 9:14-21.

14 What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! 15 For he says to Moses,
“I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
    and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”[f]
16 It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy. 17 For Scripture says to Pharaoh: “I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”[g] 18 Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden. 19 One of you will say to me: “Then why does God still blame us? For who is able to resist his will?” 20 But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’”[h] 21 Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?

God uses us according to His foreknowledge of who we are to predestine us to be what He intends. He did it for Pharaoh and He does it for His own. Romans 8:28-30.

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

If you read the rest of John 9, you will know that the formerly blind man did bring glory to God by confessing His Son as Lord before witnesses. Armed with this knowledge, I will continue daily to do the same despite my disability.

Seeing things for the first time at my age is a mighty gift. Lord help me to see in the right direction. I love you.

December 25th...A Review

So, I got up, showered, shaved and and drank large amounts of coffee. Then I went to church. It was Christmas Day. The Body met at 1000. It was much the same as the Saturday night service with some minor changes. I sat with an Angel, which was appropriate for Christmas Day. I then went home and sliced the eggnog cheesecake and waited for the appropriate time to leave for Alison's. Took the Dog outside, even though it was raining, had a cup of coffee. I need coffee or I'm worthless.

I finally packed up the cheesecake and headed to my cousin's house. There was a good crowd. Some Brady's (Robinson's) were missing as they are in the process of moving to Denver. Others were celebrating with their new family units which is expected and quite OK. I was fortunate enough to be invited to my cousin's house where the traditional Brady Christmas meal was served.

What is the traditional Brady Christmas meal you ask???

It's spaghetti and meatballs with Italian sausage, Romano cheese and a sauce that is to die for. My Aunt Mary Ellen initiated the tradition many years ago. As you might expect, she was of Italian dissent, second generation. She had a family recipe that she has made for us Irish for years. It is Da Bomb. Very good. She took off to see Jesus in the Fall, but my Uncle learned the trade well and so provided the sauce. He has a variation on it that is just a bit spicier and I love it.

There was also wine this year. It was very good. I suspect there is wine every year, but I can't prove that. I believe there was a concern that we would be offended...'we' being my parents. I would not have been offended. Dennis and Laurie...well that's another issue. Dad claims never to have had a drink in his life. And even though Mom is gone now, I know for a fact that she enjoyed the occasional adult beverage, at least in her early adult years. Whatever. I have been of a mind that it's really a lot of bullshoi anyway. Enjoying wine or an adult beverage is not a sin. I think the whole fundie Christian thing about alcohol grows out of the temperance movement in the 19th century anyway and we all know what that lead to....feminism. So Christian, raise a glass. Enjoy. I did.

The family fellowship was good too. My family is the best. They are smart, they are funny, they are talented and they love Jesus. What more could you want in a family right? I love y'all

Jesus, I know it was most likely not your actual birthday, but since we don't know when that was (probably in September around high holidays), I hope you had a good birthday. I still can't get past God having a birthday...You are so intense. It makes a man's brain hurt. Thanks for coming. Hope to see You soon. Maranatha!    

Dennis

So, to the question I get asked everywhere I go, here is an answer.

Dad is OK. Not good, not bad, but in a good place. It's true that he does not eat much or drink enough water. It is true that he does not cooperate with his physical therapists. But he does have a certain peace about him right now that I cannot explain. He is learning to scoot around pretty good in his wheel chair. He likes to hang around at the nurses station and he always seems to know me when I arrive. He told a passing stranger yesterday that I was his little boy. She surely thought I was old enough to be a fellow inmate. Whatever.

I would not call him settled. I would not say he is getting any better. I'm not even sure he knows where he is at. But he does not seem unhappy either. This works for me. I am not dissatisfied with this outcome.

If you are out and about and in the neighborhood, stop by to see him. Parkridge is just west of New Life Church on the same street. He will always greet you, even if he does not know who you are. His roommate's name is Earl Stone. Earl is a bit of a character. You will like him. I'm not sure Dad knows Earl is there, but that's OK. Many at Parkridge are not cognizant of the others that are present. It's a very peaceful place for that reason I am sure.

Sorry You Missed Me...Merry Flippin Christmas

It's been a busy week; seven days since I last posted. I will try to crank out a few this weekend to make up for lost time. My life is changing. I used to get up in the morning and rush out of the house to go write at Caribou Coffee and escape my father at the same time. After that, I would go to work. Now I get up in the morning and rush over to Parkridge to see him before work. Work has been a bitch and so there was not much time in between to get the writing done. Things should improve steadily next week....I hope. Next year, I will officially become a short timer..I'm thinking about staying as a part time employee to keep my insurance, but I really don't want to. We will see what develops. I think I just need to be out of there. I hate it.

It's Christmas Eve. When I was a kid, we always had our Christmas celebration on Christmas Eve. Me, Dennis and Laurie and assorted Grandparents, usually Pauline and Lloyd. It was an 'only child' Christmas that would net me much booty. The result was a rather distorted view of what Christmas was supposed to be about. Over the years, I began to get the real picture. We were not doing it right. Even so, it continued for decades. Now, not so much.

There is peace, quiet and contentment on Christmas Eve. Mom has moved on to Paradise and Dad is in his waiting room at Parkidge.

To say that my years with Dennis and Laurie burned me out on Christmas, might be understatement. Even so, my Mom always loved the holiday. She loved decorating the house. Multiple Christmas trees, hand made ornaments from years gone by, some made by yours truly. Throughout all of it Dad remained silent. All the sentiment made him uncomfortable. I think feelings and emotions in general did that to him as well as the season itself. It's odd how it worked. Mom would bend over backwards to make it enjoyable for everyone. Dad would be stoic about the whole thing and as I got older, I did not really care, so it became difficult for her too.

Christmas Day in my earliest recollection, was normally spent at the house of grandparents. Later, we would have Christmas at my aunt and uncle's house - spaghetti dinner of the finest kind was offered. It's now offered at my cousin's house. I hope to attend on Sunday afternoon. It will be good I am sure.

I will be glad for the holidays to be over. In my present state, they are difficult in the extreme. They always make me feel rushed and they are tinged with guilt and I am not sure why. I try not to be melancholic at this time of year, but it's hard. Others, the Christmas people, seem to live for this season. I tend to think something is wrong with them. I suppose it could be me, but if you have ever had a Christmas person turn on you, you would know it was them. Just try to bring one of them back to earth from their Christmas high. You will find yourself categorized, named and stamped with a bad attitude sticker. You don't want to ruin a Christmas person's Christmas buzz. I think it's a sickness that only the New Year can cure, so don't harsh their mellow ok?

Here's to 2017. What will I be doing next Christmas? It could be an interesting year.          

Dawn We Now Our Gay Apparel...I am so freakin' funny

I am going to say it once again. It's an annual thing with me. I absolutely hate the Christmas season. Andy Williams needs to tell the truth. It's the most miserable time of the year.

The single factor that makes it the most miserable for me is the quality of daylight. It is dark until 8 AM, then it's overcast and dim throughout the day and then it gets dark at 4:30 PM. It's so depressing. Maybe I need to live somewhere on the equator where the daylight hours are exactly 12.

Another factor that comes into play is work. The two weeks that are the absolute worst in my business calendar begins on Monday. It is going to be pure hell. Fourteen hour days and little sleep.

Then there is my father. He is in long term care right now. He recently had hip surgery. He has not fully recovered. It takes two people and a lift to get him on the toilet and some people think I should bring him to the family Christmas celebration. He could not even get in my truck. He could not even get into the Highlander. It would make him miserable because he still seems to have a lot of pain. I will not even be trying. I apologize. I just can't do that to him.

I also hate the furious, driven nature of the holiday. People are crazy this time of year, shopping till they drop and in a feeding frenzy. I was supposed to go to dinner with some friends Sunday night, but I backed out. It is going to be nasty cold. There will be hundreds of people out Christmas shopping and then cramming themselves into crowded restaurants before they go home.

I just feel trapped by it all. Thankfully, the day is coming when I will be able to leave Iowa at this time of year. Get the flock outta Dodge...

People change at this time of year. I know I do. They become more polite. They pretend an artificial kindness. Inversely, I become nauseated by it all and withdraw.

There are the Christmas people. The get all invigorated and full of life at this time of year, brimming with optimism, faux joy and materialism. The odd thing is that when someone like me expresses a need to be alone or offers that it might not be so much fun, the Christmas people start name calling and shaming.

SCROOGE!

Ya, real good. Someone is down and does not hold the same opinion as you do about the season and so you turn on them. Just great. Lighten up ok! It is not Jesus' birthday. Anyone that has studied history knows this, so back off. This is a pagan, materialistic holiday. The winter solstice and Saturnalia. The symbolism of the wreath, the Christmas tree, the mistletoe and the yule log all come from dead pagan religions. The cult of the sun was celebrated in the Roman empire at this time every year. Then a Roman emperor turned Christian decided to create a celebration of Christ's birth around the same time period so that everyone could have a few days off. The result was syncretism of Christianity and pagan cults. They did the same thing with resurrection Sunday (Easter to pagans) and the vernal equinox, but that will have to wait for another blog post.

There is also the cultural and economic elements of it. People want to feel good despite the lack of daylight so they give and expect presents and businesses are more than happy to take advantage of that. They start pushing Christmas in September. Show them Your Money! Ya, that's their Christmas cheer.

How about some consistency people? Give of yourself year round and expect nothing in return. That is what Jesus did. What better way to celebrate Jesus; but no, we can't do that.

All right all you Christmas Nazis, exchange your presents and move on. Merry Christmas to you. Now get out

(;^))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))    

Notes From the Wise - Solitude vs Living in Community

These verses speak for themselves I think. It is why I have chosen to never again be alone. I may live alone and unpartnered, but I intend to have partnership with friends and acquaintances for the rest of my life. I need them, and even if they won't say so, they need me. It is how the Body is supposed to function; in community, for accountability and for the communion of the Saints. These scriptures came by way of the Your Other Brothers website in a blog post by Matthew Ashijjhi. He is SSA and 20 something, but very wise in his own way. Please feel free to follow the link and read. Be warned, YOB is not for the uninitiated. These young men talk about most anything SSA through a Christian perspective and it might seem blunt or even offensive to those not accustomed to such openness.

Now to the Holy Wisdom...

Proverbs 18:1

A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Proverbs 18:24

A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Church, we need to live like this and work together like this. We must know each other if we are to succeed in our walk. Let me give you this challenge. If you know someone at church that seems to be isolating themselves, reach out to them. Come along side them. If you get rebuffed, try and try again to break the ice. Someone did this for me once and it made my blooms start to open. Perhaps that's a poor way to put it, but he has been my friend since that time. And if you are out there and need some companionship and brotherhood, then reach out Brother. Again, if there is a rebuff, do not give up. Push for the brotherhood that you are owed in Christ.

We need each other. Ya, there will be things we do not like about each other, but that's part of the deal. You lived in some kind of family right? Was it all roses and chocolate chip cookies? Get over it. Let's love each other.

Do not walk away from a brother in need and do not be afraid to reach out to others for a hand up the cliff. You know what I'm saying. See ya in church!

Dennis Update

I am not encouraged by what I saw today at Parkridge. Yesterday he was standing for a few seconds in physical therapy...he did it 3 times. Today I found him in bed and zonked out at about the same time. I spoke with the nurse. She says he will not eat much, drinks very little water and is getting dehydrated. I have seen this my self. And when you offer to help him eat or drink, he says he will do it himself and then never does. He has also developed a sore on his backside from sitting in a wheel chair too much.  He had a bed sore when he was in the hospital, but that one has healed up.

He has also been asking me about Gramps...his dad and my grandfather. He passed in 2000. I remind him that Gramps is gone and he says, "I always forget that". Today when I reminded him, he said he missed him so much. My thought is "ya, who doesn't"

They got him out of bed while I was there and he was a bit agitated about the whole thing. A bit combative. He grabbed one of the aides by the throat. This is not good. Parkridge will kick him out if he starts doing that on a regular basis. The alternative is an Alzheimer's lock up in a different place. I hate the idea of moving him again. The last thing I told him was, "do what the nurses tell you to do". He said he would try. Obedience is not his strong suit. I understand now where I get it from.

Seeing him like this makes me realize more and more just how much I love him. There were a number of years during our lives together where that might have been in question for both of us. He was not the perfect father, and I was definitely not the perfect son.

I am glad we had this time in our lives together. It has been good for both of us. And Gramps is waiting for us on the other side. Yip. That's a good thing. I think sometimes, we try too hard to hang on to what we have here. I wonder if Dad is trying to let go of it and we just are not listening to him.

Lord, I'm never sure what you are thinking or what your plan is. I live in the here and now and you can see hither and beyond. Please help him to make a decision. If he wants to stay, then help him please to punch through the dementia fog and fight the pain. Help him to follow his physical therapy regimen and get up. Help him to walk again, even if it's with a walker. And Lord, if he wants to let go, help him with that too. If this is the plan, please take him quickly and with minimal suffering. Set him free. Perhaps I cry out for my sake because I hate to see him this way. I have no clue what you are doing with his spirit. If he needs some time, you would know that better than I. He never shares much of that sort of thing with me. Whatever happens, please bless him while he is here with us. Bend his spirit to yours. Let him dream of Gramps. In Your Name Lord, Amen.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

That was a popular Tina Turner song back in the Day. Whenever the Day was...

It turns out that love has everything to do with it. It is the only way we will enjoy any success in living the Christian life. If we love Jesus, everything else seems to fall in place. I jokingly advised a young high school graduate in his graduation card to "love Jesus, stay out of the bars and keep your pants on." But you know what? That's not really a joke. It's sound advise; wisdom for the current age. If we love Jesus, we want to be like Him.

Jesus Himself, pointed this out to His own people.

John 8:42-47

Jesus said to them, "If God were your father, you would love me, and I came from God and now am here. I have not come on my own; but he sent me. Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Yet because I tell you the truth, you do not believe me! Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? I am telling you the truth, why don't you believe me? He who belongs to God hears what God has to say. The reason that you do not hear is that you do not belong to God."

Wow. Jesus' own people that were expectant of a Messiah, could not accept Jesus, even though He spoke God's words. There are a number of reasons for this. Their interpretation of the Law and the prophets was not what it should have been. They were expecting a political and militaristic Messiah that would be concerned with freeing them from Roman servitude and bringing back the days of glory they enjoyed under David and Solomon. What they got though and what they were so strongly rejecting, was a Messiah that was interested in setting them free from their spiritual bondage to sin. This is not what they wanted. It is why they turned on Jesus in the end.

In this passage, Jesus points out the problem. They do not love Him and the reason for that is that they do not love His Father. They do not believe in Him because they do not believe in His Father. What they do believe in is the 'here and now' and their immediate material and political needs. To there minds, there is no sin issue, no need for a savior; they have the temple and sacrifice for that.

What they do not understand is that Jesus can release them from their need for the law, if they believe in and love him. He can free them from their sin to live as God's people.

I do not relish saying this, but there are many Christians today that are in the same place as these Jews. While we do not reject Christ, we are not entirely in love with Him and His Father. We love the things of this world more. We like the idea of Jesus, His grace, His love for us; but we do not quite get the rest of it.

If we love Jesus, we will love His Father and we will be obedient. Love and faith produces obedience and trust.

So Christian, do you love Jesus and obey Him? Or do you like the idea of Jesus and being forgiven, but feel like you can do what you want because of His grace? Ya...are you a Christ follower or a Christ user?

Who is your father? Is it Yahweh or the prince of this world?

God's grace is for the repentant. The repentant turn away from their sin.

So what's love got to do with it??? Everything.  

Parkridge

As you may be aware, Dad is at Parkridge  in the skilled care wing. He has been going to therapy twice daily. Yesterday I had a meeting with the therapist and the social worker at the facility. Dad is not progressing with his therapy and will be moved to long term care next Wednesday if he does not show signs of progress. Aside from standing up with the assistance of three therapists, he has not done much else and is not cooperative with their efforts. He does not seem to grasp that he will not walk again without this therapy. I believe this is because the Alzheimer's has advanced a great deal since his fall. He seems more confused now than he has ever been and I'm sure recent events only make this worse. From the ER to the hospital to surgery and recovery followed by transfer to Parkridge; this would be enough to confuse me and I don't have Alzheimer's...yet.

He just cannot concentrate. He is unable to punch through the dementia fog and see what it is he needs to do and his intolerance of pain has increased. I'm not sure where his mind is, but it is not on recovery or dealing with the discomfort of therapy.

He is also not eating as he should. I was with him at breakfast yesterday. He had a bite of egg and two bites of French toast. That's not going to make him him stronger. He will eat bananas and drink certain juices and this should help, but I do not think it will be enough in the long term. I am told that awareness of hunger and satiation is one of the things that goes in the later stages of Alzheimer's.

In all, the outlook is not rosy. I suppose he could go on for five years or more in his current state, but I do not know that. He had Alzheimer's when I got him and that was over five years ago. I do not know the duration of the stages. He may be at the end of the road or at least close. It remains to be seen.

Today when I was in to see him, it was apparent he had some visitors. There were cards and chocolate from my cousin's candy shop in Pella. Dad remembered people being there, but could not tell me who. He remembers faces and associations, but not names. I'm not sure he even knows my name. At physical therapy today, he thought he was at the dairy. He kept telling the woman that was working with him that she should get to know the drivers better because they make good husbands. It will be interesting to see if this kind of commentary becomes inappropriate...if you know what I mean. He has turned into a bit of a comedian.

When he moves to long term care, he will have a roommate. I hope it will be someone he can talk to and that they get along well together. It's important.

That's all I've got on the 'Dad' front. Later.    

I Can't Talk To You Right Now

Have you ever heard that expression from someone, maybe someone you counted as a friend, that is angry with you? They normally think that they have all the facts when they say this. It's been my experience that is not the case. Usually it's because they have one side of a multi-faceted story or they make assumptions, filling in their own blanks with what seems logical to them. Other times, they just like to get their 'mad' on and there is an addiction to the indignation factor; a self confirming 'how could they do this?'. Again, this is usually because all the facts have not been presented.

There is one other factor that brings these things to a head. It's an emotional issue that usually springs from an emotional attachment to the subject matter of the disagreement. This is especially hard because it often times pits love up against what is right. When this happens, we question ourselves, what we believe and how a situation should be or should have been handled.

I have seen this happen in the church. Sometimes church doctrine or morality will conflict with behavior of a member or members. We like to err on the side of grace and love, or we like to tow the line of what the New Testament says is righteous and so the unfriendly discussions commence...unless I just can't talk to you right now.

I have to say that I have been there and done that. I was so sure I was right and that others were wrong, that I just could not talk to them. I had to wait so I was rational when we finally did talk about the issue. I'm not sure how my refusal to speak was taken, but it did make me more effective in the discussions that followed.

What I'm saying is that waiting is fine. It's good to be calm when you are discussing something that is important to you. But it is also important that it be discussed before making any decisions about what you will do. A rational discussion helps everyone involved in the process. If we don't talk, nothing gets fixed. And maybe nothing will get fixed to our liking, but at least we will have discussed it and agreed to disagree. At some point, there must be an airing of the grievances.

Now might be the time.  

Stress

It's odd how stress amplifies things. My SSA has been ratcheted up by all the events.

You would think that despite all the distractions, I would be able to focus, but for some reason...I don't know.

I need more sleep too..I am way too wired. I wake up every two hours at night. When I am home, I keep forgetting my patient is not there. I am accustomed to listening for trouble. Now there is no noise at all except for the dog. Oliver misses his daddy. Every time he goes outside, he looks for him.

I had a crying jag this morning. Leaving the dog home alone and moving Dad to Parkridge is eating away at me. It makes me sad. There's some guilt. And there is recognition of the fact that another chapter in my adventure and Dad's adventure is coming to a close.

It is what it is. Someone needs to watch me. I am not prone to irrational behavior, but I'm feeling kind of twitchy.  

In The Chair. Update

Update...Dad is moving to Parkridge this afternoon at 2 PM
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Dad got up in the chair for the first time yesterday and he is back in it again this morning. He did not like  biscuits and gravy today, so he ate a banana and orange juice. He said the coffee was bad too. I didn't mind it, but then I like Espresso.

His mind is another issue. He asked me how my wife was doing. This is funny in so many ways. He says cute things like that quite a bit now. Somewhat nonsensical, but entertaining at the same time. Right now he's rearranging the items on his meal table. Last night while he was trying to eat, I noticed he needed a new napkin. I told him I was going to get one. He told me to stop by the Dairy and get a case. He was also explaining to a visitor how they put everything in plastic bags now. Not sure what that was about, but his explanation of the process was very thorough.

His physical condition is better than it was, but not good. He is stronger, but not strong enough. The edema in his right leg is much better, but there is still some 'weeping'. His incision seems to be healing well. His arms are black and blue in various places from IV punctures and blood draws.

I have not heard when the move to skilled care is coming. I will have to ask. I am going to be going back to work this week in the evenings, so I hope they are planning on a morning transfer. I do not want to be running around at the last minute trying to get all his stuff together. It would be nice to be able to plan.

That's all I've got right now. Later

Shopping For A Nursing Home

Have you ever done that? The process is interesting in some respects as well as educational. I visited five places in the immediate area and presented my needs or should I say Dad's needs. What I learned was that it's tough to get a bed if it's a quality facility. Further to the point, these care facilities are picky. They seem to want only a certain clientele. This is because of what they are allowed to do by law and how some care insurance policies are structured.

Some places do only assisted living. They may well have memory care facilities, but they only want people that do not need much in the way of supervision. They like independence in their residents, but they do not like it when they try to escape. Did you know that if a patient may require the assistance of more than one care worker, they can not live in an assisted living facility? Patients with this requirement must go into long term care.

Further to the point, if your insurance policy is an older policy, it will most likely only cover long term care. It cannot be used for assisted living with only some exceptions. Many care policies also have a 45 day waiting period where the insurance carrier pays nothing. Some places want a down payment or earnest money. There are damage deposits involved on rooms too just like apartments. In all, it seems to be a very profitable business, so it's no wonder it's so heavily regulated.

My Dad is going to need two things. Skilled care to recover from his hip surgery and then long term care for his worsening Alzheimer's. I have determined that an assisted living situation would not work for him. He is going to need all the help he can get. When searching for a nursing home and when there is a need for both of these care levels, it is also very difficult to find an adequate place that can do both. By this, I mean that a facility may have beds available for skilled care, but not long term care after that. Much of this is a waiting game.  Doing both of these at the same facility is optimal for the patient, but many times is not possible because of room availability.

I have chosen a facility close by for the skilled care Dad will need. It is my hope after he is back on his feet (with a walker), that a bed will open up for him in long term care. If there is a room available, Dad will have to go through an evaluation to determine if he is a flight risk. If he is deemed a flight risk (called elopement), then he will have to move to a secured facility. It's required by law apparently as are many other things in that business.

Whether any of this happens at all is going to depend on Dad. Since his surgery yesterday, he has refused to get out of bed and sit in a chair. He has not been eating to regain his strength. He is a bit dehydrated and he is sleeping quite a bit. All of this magnifies his Alzheimer's symptoms. He is sun-downing and it's not pretty.

Today, the physical therapist got tough with him and cranked up his bed to sit him up. They did manage to swing him around, but they could not move him to the chair. He refused to cooperate.

I had to tell him today that he would die in bed if he did not get up and start using that new hip. This is no exaggeration. The orthopaedic surgeon said that the mortality rate in the first year for hip surgery patients is 50% and it's because the patients refuse their therapy, refuse to participate in their recovery.

There is a great deal of pain and soreness involved (as well as stubbornness). I understand this, but if he wants to survive and have some quality of life, he is going to have to fight. I am not sure he understands the consequences and it's most likely because of his Alzheimer's. He is not a coward. I know this. I grew up with him. He taught me not to fear pain; that it's a part of life. He has apparently forgotten this for himself.      

If you want to pray for him, pray that he will get up. It's what he needs to do right now.

Dad Update

Dad's surgery was a success.  He is a bit sore and miserable . They are going to set him up in a chair later. Ouch. I do not think I will be here for that.

Anyway thanks for the prayers

Dad

Many of you already know, but Dad is in the hospital with a fractured hip. Yesterday, in the morning around 7:15, he was out in the yard with the dog. He went up on the east deck of the house, turned around and came back. As he stepped down from the deck into a pile of leaves, he slipped and fell. I was inside at the time. I had just showered and was getting dressed. I heard a pounding upstairs. I finished dressing and came upstairs. Dad was not in his chair, so I went outside. He had been pounding on the deck wall. He had pulled himself up on the deck wall and was standing, but said he couldn't walk. I went to the garage and got Grandpa's walker. I got him to the car with the walker and we went to the ER. X-rays revealed a fractured hip. He will have surgery today. Rehab is in his future and then, I think, full time nursing care at a facility. His days of being home alone during the day have come to an end. I do not believe he is safe. It's interesting because it was just Monday that he was riding the lawn mower and chopping leaves. Things can change fast.

I will advise about how the surgery went later. Thanks so much for your prayers and visits. Christian friends and family are the best.