Thinking

I don't watch TV as a general rule. I do not have cable. Occassionaly I will watch a movie on Amazon or Netflix with my computer. I like to read and I like to read a vareity of things. I get all my news from the Drudge Report. I enjoy Youtube. Reading and viewing informative topics on arcane and obscure subjects is like my favorite thing to do. I love the oddness of the world in the 21st century. It's odd how in an age of so much personal freedom the powers that be seem so intent on numbering us, knowing us and keeping track of us, boxing us in and categorizing us to be sure we get the information that feeds who we are individually. I suppose it's a new way of delivering the "bread and circuses" as in the days of Rome.

The internet is an amazing thing, but it seems to be controlled with the intention of controlling the masses that use it. Did you know that even if you shut off the "history" on your Google accounts, they still keep track of your searches and they continually taunt you with what they have learned you like to read about and look at? I am sure that other search engines do the same thing as well as the websites that we frequent. Further to the point, all of this is readily made available to the government security complex when requested. Indeed, I do not think they even have to request it anymore. NSA, CIA and FBI as well as a host of other alphabet agencies just help themselves to our personal data whenever they see a need.

There is no such thing as privacy anymore. I'm sure they will soon even be inside our heads, developing algorithms that allow them to know our thought patterns and emotions through what we do on line and with smart phones. Private thought will become a thing of the past. The only way we will ever be able to retrieve our freedom and privacy is to take ourselves off the grid and live like modern day Ludites.

I don't think I could live off the grid. I am someone that enjoys being alone, but I cannot bear not knowing what is going on in the greater world. I enjoy texting and email. It's like an electronic barrier between me and the world that does not require me to have direct interaction with my peers, my few friends and the world at large. This blog functions in much the same way. It's a curtain on which I stitch a version of who I am - at least the me I want everyone to see. Even so, I am not on Facebook or Twitter or whatever the latest platform for communication is because I do not want everyone all up in my stuff if you know what I mean. I have been accused of narcicsm, but if it's true, it's a more laid back form that does not require me to post my latest status 42 times a day for my adoring public.

All of this is to say that I like to know what's going on around me, but I do not have an urge to be part of it. Even though the internet has allowed me the ability to observe from afar, I am still voyeristic enough to want to watch it up close. Of late, I find myself going to places where people gather just to watch them. It's like I want to be with them, but I do not want to be contaminated with their lives and personal stories. Instead I can make up my own stories about them as I stalk them as strangers.

I probably need to plug in more and take more risks, actually talking to people, but my mother said I should not talk to strangers. Odd that. People are only strangers if you do not know them or talk to them. I could be like my dad that talked to everyone and then roundly badmouthed them after a brief conversation. This is not good either.

People are weird. I am weird. Learning to enjoy the weirdness is part of friendship I suppose. I live inside my head way too much. I need a buddy.

There, I said it. I need a buddy. He needs to be about 3 years younger than me. Physical appearance is not a big deal. It's time. And no, he does not need to be my sex partner, but he needs to be someone that will be loyal and true to me, his friend. It would be best if he were Christian. I need someone that will help keep my excesses in check. I do not want a resident Pharisee bent on making me keep rules. I need a confidant that is near my own age that I can share the rest of my life with.

It probably ain't gonna happen, but that's what I want.

See, I told you I think too much.