Our pastor has been doing a series of sermons on core values at our church. I know it sounds a bit corporate, but since most of the working population at church works for a corporation, it makes sense. It is something we would all be familiar with. Check out any corporate handbook. Core values are usually listed in the front, just prior to an explanation of company policy that hopefully reflects those values.
Anyway, I tend to zone out or focus on one element of a sermon that catches my ear. I may have used the term "bored" or "boring" yesterday in conversation with the pastor whom I consider my friend. It was a poor choice of words and I apologize. I am a little fidgety when it comes to one way conversations. I guess sermons tend to be monologues. Whatever. If I can't participate in the discussion, I get foggy and drift out to sea unless what the speaker is saying is extremely hard hitting. It is not the preacher's fault. It happens anytime I am expected to sit and listen. It happens with other preachers. It's me guys. I'm sorry and I apologize...again.
So on the 16th, he talked about prayer. It was something that held my attention and we were actually expected to participate in the sermon process. We had to find someone in the congregation and pray for them in real time, on the spot and in person. It was an idea whose time had come. We are a praying church anyway, but it seems to get done individually and maybe from a list. Doing it one on one and in person, face to face before the Lord - that was new to many of us...including me who is not really a public pray-er anyway. I have issues with corporate prayer. I have issues with prayer in general. We will get to that shortly I hope. Whatever my personal issues with it, I believe it was a good exercise that should probably be done more frequently. I just need to tear down my walls and learn to participate. And that brings me to yesterday...
I could not tell you what the sermon was about yesterday. I know it came from Ephesians, but I still have not figured out what 'core value' he was talking about. It's not your fault Steve. I was still contemplating the interview with the 'missionary' and other stuff which had nothing to do with the Lord's business. Again, I have to apologize. Not your fault dude. But then you began talking about the wall. You read that section from Ephesians 2:14-18.
14 For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, 15 by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, 16 and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. 17 He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. 18 For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.In the second temple of the Jews, in the time of Christ, in Jerusalem, there was a wall of separation. Paul refers to it here as a dividing wall of hostility. And that is what it was in every sense. The outside court of the temple was called the 'court of the Gentiles'. This area of the temple was reserved for God fearing Gentiles to worship. However, since they were Gentiles and not Jews, they were not allowed to proceed any further inside the temple to the sanctuary area - not the court of (Jewish) women, not the court of the Jews; they could not approach the altar of sacrifice or the Holy place or the most holy place. They were barred from approaching God because they were not part of the covenant and they were steeped in sin from birth.
The wall (Soreg) that kept them out was about 3 cubits high. A tall Gentile might have been able to see over it, but passage beyond it was not permitted. There were clear warnings engraved in the stone blocks of the wall in various places. The warning was clear.
It was in Greek, the language of most Gentiles of the time. In English, it would look like this. "No outsider shall enter the protective enclosure around the sanctuary. And whoever is caught will only have himself to blame for the ensuing death."
Is that hostile or what? It was deeper than mere religious prejudice. It's true that Jews hated Gentiles back in the Day. but there was another reason. The wall was there to keep the Gentiles away from the presence of God. They (we) represented unredeemed and sinful people that were outside of God's will. The Gentiles had to be kept away; separated from God and separated from His chosen people.
In the Ephesian passage quoted above, Paul is saying that, through His sacrifice, Christ tore down that wall of separation and hostility and enabled believing Gentiles like the Ephesians to be able to approach God.
This talk of walls of separation during the sermon yesterday recaptured my lagging attention and made me sit up and listen. Steve talked about how we, as a church, have walls. Our walls are not just to keep outsiders from entering our 'sanctuary'. We have walls inside our sanctuary that keep us out of each others lives. And while he did not say this directly, I think we have walls in the church between social groups, races, sexes, ages and...I could go on...I won't.
We have invisible walls. We say, 'this close and no closer'. Not everyone in our small church is like this. I am like this. Sorry. But there does seem to be a sentiment that one should not overshare or overknow their brother or sister in Christ. There are personal things that are not for discussion, no matter what negative effects it may be having on one's spiritual life.
In my life I have always been a man with walls. Last year at about this time I started the process of getting rid of those walls - or so I thought. In reflection, I find that I still have too many walls. They are more invisible now than ever before, but the force field is still in place and can be felt by those that approach me. It is not a good thing. I would like to think this is improving, and there are those that are helping me in this regard, but things are still not where they ought to be.
Then, as I processed all this, I began to put it together with last weeks sermon on prayer. When the whole thing got personal and I was expected to pray with others, one on one, face to face; a little voice inside me said, 'shields up' and I was reduced to rubble inside. I participated, but it was a very surface oriented, very shallow sort of thing with people I was sitting near. I had friends there that were having serious issues. I could have gone to them and we could have cried out to the Lord together, but no. I was in panic mode because I was being asked to interact in a personal and spiritual fashion with my brethren and my God. My shields were up. I did not want to go there.
This also happens to me internally when I am alone with God. Let me explain. I am having trouble with personal prayer. I have used a formula for years that I could build a good personal prayer time around, but that is crumbling. My prayers are halting, short and disorganized. I'm not sure what this is about. I can speculate. I may still be harboring some anger and resentment toward God about my life situation. Whatever it is, I can feel the wall going up between me and He. I can see over the wall, but I am afraid to go inside the sanctuary. I do not want to fight with Him and I do not want Him to extinguish me. He also has an unfair advantage in my view. He knows me inside and out, better than I know myself, but I know next to nothing about Him. I am one that has studied the scriptures quite a bit. Some might say my knowledge is extensive. But I still find that while I know a lot of facts about Him, I really do not know Him. This might be why I have been so fixated on the gospels in my personal study. I really do want to know Him better.
Whatever else happens, I need my prayer wall to come down. I'm not sure what it will take short of actually sitting down and praying with someone. Why do I hate that idea? I know. It leaves me feeling exposed to someone besides God, who really knows me and sees me as I am. It's the whole embarrassment thing again. I should be so over that by now. Oh well. The answer eludes me. The road I am on is getting darker as the wall rises to block His light. It's obviously the wrong road. I need that wall to come down.
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Be Gentle.