Uncle Buck Is In My Backyard

This dude was looking for Jane Doe when he got distracted by me and the dog. He's pretty kewl. I hope he evades the bow and arrow brigade. Looks like he has some age on him. If you have a touch screen, tap on the picture and enlarge it so you can see him better. He looks to be a wise old buck

My Day So Far ... UPDATE

Well, the fun continued on into Sunday evening. Earlier in the day, Dad had tugged the catheter in an attempt to pull it out. And this, after I had explained that they had inflated it with distilled water to hold it in his bladder. The result was not good. There was some bleeding. The catheter became clogged with a blood clot and so the urine ceased to flow to the bag. Again he had to pee and he could not and this time with a catheter in place.

So...about 8:45 PM after some discussion, we returned to the ER at the hospital for irrigation and catheter replacement. We were there for about three hours. It was Halloween weekend. It can be spooky in the ER during this faux holiday. We got through it. The catheter was replaced and the new one has been draining just fine. We both got some sleep and he remembered he was hooked up this morning. After coffee, we drained his cath bag and he is in the process of refilling right now.

The next hurdle is to get him to drink as much water as possible to flush everything out including the infection. With that and the Keflex, he should be good to go by the end of the week. We see Dr. Smith on Friday. Please pray. I do not want to do this again and I know Dad does not...he did not want to do it this time.

Thanks for listening. I know I whine a lot. Off to the shark tank.    

My Day So Far...

Well, it's Sunday. Things went fairly well from the time I rose until about 1230 this afternoon. I got up at 4:00 AM. Made some coffee for Dad, got his clothes ready and then headed to the bathroom for my morning S, S & S. For the uninitiated, that's 'Shit, Shower and Shave'. I believe it has a military derivation, but someone could correct me if I'm wrong. It was supposed to take a soldier in boot camp 10 minutes to do all those things. I took a bit more than 10 minutes. I am old and cranky. In the mornings it's worse than usual. I hope you understand that I have never been in boot camp. I think the sergeant would have killed me before I managed to graduate. Supposedly it only takes six weeks. I probably would have been dead in week three...

Anyhow, after I got myself processed, I herded Dad into the shower. He got cleaned up and into new undies. I wanted to get him a set of Spider-man underwear. I wonder if he would have noticed.  It would have been really great today at the hospital. (Bear with me. It gets better.) After that, we got his hair combed, then he sat down in his chair and we put his compression socks on. This is always a job. He has severe swelling in his right leg because of his afibrillation.  It's a heart condition where one's heart beat is out of time. Because of this, the movement of blood out of the lower extremities is poor and so is the movement of other fluids like water and so there is swelling. The compression socks help squeeze the fluids in the effected leg higher making it easier for the heart to move it on up the body to be filtered by the kidneys. The kidneys put out the waste water as urine, thus minimizing the swelling. More about that shortly.

After the socks were in place, the rest of ensemble was easy. One sweat suite consisting of black sweat pants and a whitish gray sweatshirt with white sneakers. This is truly the uniform of every well dressed senior citizen. He wears it well. He likes it. It's roomy and comfortable. Laundering is a dream. 

Dad then enjoys some more coffee and waits for time to depart. He is not patient about this. He wanted to leave for church at 6:00 AM. I convinced him to wait until at least 7:00 even though my Sunday school class does not begin until 8:00 AM. It takes 10 minutes max to get there from the house if you hit the light at University, so you do the math. He's still gonna be way early!

In the interim, I usually study the Sunday school lesson some more, since I'm the teacher of the class. I like to go over my notes one more time on Sunday morning so I sound like I know what I'm talking about. It's a charade I have been pulling off for 17 years. I have reason to believe I am 89% effective over the period with a five year average of 96%. So I am moderately successful at convincing my students that I know what I'm talking about.

Actually, I'm not sure about any of that. I think they show up simply because they like me. Ya,, I know, that's odd in itself...but it is what it is. They probably know I'm faking it (;^)

So anyway, after some study, I iron a shirt, look up some jokes for class, then I finish dressing and we go to church. Dad takes his car. I take mine truck. He likes to come straight home after. I like to hang around. I'm kind of social sometimes. It happens.

However...today after 8:00 class, instead of heading down to the auditorium for the service, Dad heads home. This has happened before. Normally it's because he has to pee or he doesn't feel good. I thought nothing of it. I stayed for church. After some socializing post service, I went home too. When I got there, Dad and the dog were outside. Apparently I had captured a racoon in my harmless trap. I have been trying to catch what ever was living under our deck. The racoon was suspect number three. I caught two opossums earlier in the week. I normally deliver my captured varmints to Yellow Banks county park. This is what I did with the racoon. I also picked up a book at home for my friend Karla and dropped it for her at church and then moved on to Yellow Banks with the caged racoon in the back of my truck. After an easy release, I returned home.

When I arrived, Dad informed me that he could not pee. It's already complicated because he has to catheterize himself, but now he is telling me that he cannot get the catheter in. I cannot imagine having to do that anyway, but when it does not work, it would be worse. I'm sure he felt like he was going to bust open. As I questioned him about it, he said he had not been able to pee since last night (Saturday). Wow.

So we went to the emergency room. After admittance, they did an ultrasound on his bladder. They detected 614 ml of urine, so he was about full. They catheterized him with some anesthetic lubricant and drained him. Some of the urine was sent to the lab. They left the catheter in place. While we waited, Dad produced another 600 ml of fluid.

When they finally came back with the results, they informed us he had a bladder infection, prescribed some antibiotics and sent us home. Dad had a catheter in and leg bag in place. I took Dad home and went to the pharmacy to get the prescription filled. When I got back, he was in the bathroom trying to remove all his equipment. He remembered nothing of the trip to the emergency room or why he was hooked up to the cath unit.

Since that time, he has tried to catheterize himself twice, only to discover that he already had a unit in place. Each time I have had to explain to him that the unit will be in place until the infection is cleared.

This interruption in his regular routine has completely confused him. I suppose I am going to be up all night giving intermittent explanations.

Let me say here and now, I do not think this is going to work. He does not understand or remember from one minute to the next what is going on with his urinary tract.

So...that's my day so far. How is yours?      

Rich Mullins - Making it rain/Ready For The Storm (Live, 1992)

This is why I will always love Rich Mullins. I do not know why God took
him home so soon. I miss him. There is a slightly annoying hum midway
through the video. It's worth the listen anyway. The song is good. It's
not his, but it's good. Keep in mind it was a live performance. 

A Prayer of Frustration

Lord  when we talk it's always the same
Thanks for this and for that, and so glad that you came
Please help me, please fix me, please make me all right
I just need me some peace so I can sleep tight

It's peace that I'm after and not so much stuff
A quieted mind without all the fluff
I stress about life with it's miseries
I just want to scream when I fall to my knees

Lord I can take much with regard to the pain
In my heart you rule, in my mind you do reign
 But I'm still confused by the whys and the hows
And your purpose perplexes, makes me say 'holy cow'

Why did you bless me with desires in my flesh
That bring condemnation and create such a mess
And who do I blame if it was not You?
It was surely not me that brewed such bad stew

I will accept blame when control is my lack
I will own my behavior, It's mine to attack
But where comes the desire that I did not ask for
Is my flesh bent from Man's fall to the floor?

That my life should be strict, this I can accept
To not act on vile urges, this You can expect
But the urges themselves, from whence do they come?
They seem right to me, but the Word says that's dumb

If I live my life as seems to me normal
Then I go to hell and that will be horrible
So love is denied me in the physical sense
A touch-less lifetime at sex's expense

To not know another as normal folks do
To live life alone when alone just won't do
It makes me angry and it makes me so sad
It makes me blame you Lord and that makes you mad

I'm sorry to blame you, I know it's not right
But I'm not right either and so thus I fight
To fight with my God, How stupid this be?
I lose everytime and You laugh much at me

Is this anyway to relationship make?
I guess it's a start if my soul You would take
Seems I start with a fight and I end with a whimper
Cause I need Your love without all the temper

You are my Abba, there's no way around it
That I don't understand You, that's what confounds it
I want to know You and I want to know why
I want You to fix it, but You only sigh

I know your love cost You and that it saved me
I know I am not as You'd have me to be
But I know too that I did not choose this
My thorn in my flesh is what makes me diss

You say sin is sin, that it's all just rebellion
And I try very hard not to be such a hellion
But when they are bent, these urges most primal
I'm so ashamed for it's sin in the Bible

To be like me, to want the unnatural
All hope becomes lost, condemnation is actual
I want what I want and that it be right
But you say that it's not and that makes me uptight

Finding reason and ration for why these things are
Has drawn us closer from times we were far
If this is Your point and Your purpose be this
Was there not some way other - other than this?

You say, "who are you boy to question your Lord"
I say, "I'm just asking, please sheath the sword"
Of clay I am made by Your Potter's hand
A vessel with purpose your design surely stand

What was it You wanted when you made me?
A vessel of wrath, my destruction soon be?
Or was something noble your plan and design?
In the hearth, in the kiln with great heat refined?

I hope that last bit is what you intend
And that you somehow can make my will bend
To go through this life with love unrequited or
To end this life in hell just to be spitted

This I would ask, that not be your plan
Please help me to deal and to not want a man
If need be, please take me, please show me how
To lose sex's desire and to lose it all now

It's too late by this time for me to go straight
But to go forward now it's still not too late
To be neutered at this point would not matter to me
It would simplify life so free I could be

Just take this thing; just take it from me
Burn it in fire so  no one can see
All the blame and the pain  and reproach on myself,
The guilt and the shame and the sinning in stealth,
The fear for my life and my spiritual health,
I would have it end now, if it takes all my wealth

I'm bored by it all -I just want it over
Let it end with us being just that much more closer
Take me your vessel, and now fill me up
Wash me clean of the poison, make me your favorite cup
There on Your table by Your throne I would sit
I would bask in your power as You keep heaven lit

So do not despise me when my thoughts wander
Please allow me some grace and some mercy to ponder
Let me feel your presence residing in me
Empower me now so I can be free

Thanks for loving and listening and being my Lord
I long for the day when I'll be restored
But for now I'll be happy to be your cup broken
With the cracks and the chips and not just some token.

What is the church really about? - Jon Jorgenson | Spoken Word

This video is about 2 years old, but it's really good. I have featured Jon Jorgenson's work here before and as I said then, I do not know who he is or what his faith background is, but he seems wise beyond his years. His short sermon here about the church made me look at some things in my life as I watched him and listened. As some of you are well aware, I can come off quite self righteous when I think I am right about something or even when I think I am speaking for the Lord. And who am I to be or do either of those. His speech in this sermon is almost 'rap' in it's delivery. It's kind of poetic without all the rhyming. He draws you in and makes you listen.

II Chonicles 7:14

I know I have been displaying my best bad attitude toward the current political discourse in this election cycle. My thought is that the American political experiment in self governance is so over. Voting is an exercise in futility. It is meaningless in the extreme. No matter who we vote for, we get more of the same. More war, higher taxes, more debt, bigger government and the list could go on. Our government even encourages immorality, and incorporates and protects it as it seeks out new employees, new soldiers, new congresspersons and new White House occupants.

For the Christian, this is all a source of confusion and a redefinition everything they have learned about the America we love. Well, not all Christians. I find the whole thing amusing in a sad sort of way. If I don't laugh, I will cry.

Us Churchian Christians were raised up from youth with the notion that the United States of America was a Christian nation. Some of us even came to believe our nation was God's new chosen people; a force for Christian good in an evil world. It's odd how it all worked and how we came to that conclusion, given the circumstances of our nation's birth and subsequent history.

Our 'founders' rebelled against their rightful king (George III) who, if you believe Romans 13, was appointed by God and was therefore deserving of the colonist's obedience. After the rebellion, the same Christian occupants of North America proceeded to take the North American continent by storm, first with exploration and then with organized immigration and total genocidal war against the native inhabitants.

Later, but also at the same time, our ancestors made war against our neighbors (Mexico) and finally each other in the war of northern aggression (errantly called civil). It was brother against brother, Christian against Christian and it was not about slavery. The industrial revolution was making slavery unnecessary. It was about economics and the right of local rule in opposition to a central authority in Washington DC. It was about restricting the freedom that was won at high price by the founders rebellion against their king. It was hypocritical and unnecessary.

Then there is the deliberate debasement of our currency. There is the corporate and government encouragement of the fascist and communist revolutions in Europe and Asia that led to two world wars. All of this supported by the allegedly Christian populace in our free nation.

American Christians are an odd bunch. They think nothing of carpet bombing nations that might restrict the flow of oil and the good life and then they wonder why they react with terrorism against our activities to 'free' them. We wonder why Feminists and LGBT people stand in opposition to us when we actively try to silence them and use public policy to limit their freedom - freedom God gave them to choose whom they would serve. We seek to convert the unsaved, unwashed masses to the one true faith with law and with bombs and other threats while avoiding the all important presentation of the gospel. Never mind that. The important issue is if our church restrooms are safe from transgendered men. We have to protect ourselves, our brethren, our way of life.

Really? Is that what Christ died for? Our way of life in the here and now? I don't think so. People need saving and all you worry about is a transgendered boy in the girl's locker room or maybe the Mexicans that moved in next door (in a land that once belonged to their ancestors).

And that diatribe brings me to II Chronicles 7:14. There is misapplication, misinterpretation and massive deliberate ignorance in the church regarding this passage of scripture. Here it is.

      ¹⁴ if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

This passage is used time and time again totally out of the context intended. It applied to God's people Israel - a nation God had called and covenanted with. God no longer makes covenants with nations. He covenants with individual people that have faith in Jesus.

IT DOES NOT APPLY TO AMERICA!!!!

We are not Gods chosen people. We are Gentile Americans. Only some of us are Christians. We are not a Christian nation and we never have been. We have been a nation with Christians in it. If we had been doing our job, it might be a Christian nation, but we chose the path of law and militarism to make those unbelieving Americans meet our moral standards rather than presenting them with Jesus and lets face it, some of us did not want them in our churches anyway.

So now we are here. There are more of them than us and we wonder what they are so mad about. We have no one to blame but ourselves. Our exclusivism, racism and hate drove them from the sheep pen. Never mind that Jesus wanted to save them. We had to preserve our way of life.

The real dead ringer in all this is that there are still true believers. Many, many Christians actually believe that if America humbles itself and prays, that God will heal our land. If you vote a certain way just one more time, we will get what we need to reverse the western cultural decay. If we seize the reins of government, we can bring back the glory days of the Christian standard in America.

It's all Male Bovine Excrement.

If II Chronicles 7:14 applies to any group today, it is the Church. It is not for a nation it is for God's people and that is not America; it is the church.

The Church needs to repent, to turn away from the use of politics (right or left) and government power and use of the force of law and return to it's first love, Jesus Christ. We need to offer this sinful world an alternative that comes with an eternal security plan that does not require government power or politicians or lobbyists. Try this instead.   

 In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: ² Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. ³ For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. ⁴ They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.

Christian, do you want temporal power or spiritual power? If it's the first, then you are misguided. Take hold of what's yours in Christ. Obey Him alone in the face of all things as commanded. None of those things is to influence or seek power and control in earthly government. You are citizens of the Kingdom of God. Your King is Jesus Christ. You just happen to have been born in America. It's where you live and work, but your heart and soul should always be in the Kingdom, otherwise you are living in treason. As a visitor in this place, Romans 13 says you must obey the God appointed rulers of the land you live in. The only exception to this is when those rulers stand directly in the way of the spread of the  gospel. That's the gospel....AND NOT ANYTHING ELSE.


The American empire is dying. Let's let it die and set up for the next thing. World government. It's coming and we will not survive in it using 19th or even 20th century tactics. We have to be ready. The only one that can help with that, the only one that can make us eternally safe and secure is Jesus Christ. Point your brains toward Him and let Washington DC self destruct. Point your souls toward Him and help His Church to expand His spiritual influence. It can still be a Christian world. They just need to come to know Him.

Remember, it's insane to do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Politics has done nothing for you. Voting has done nothing for you. But Jesus Christ saved you. Pass along the favor. 
    

On Not Voting

There are some among by brethren that believe a failure to vote for Trump is a vote for Hillary. Obviously the "No Child Left Behind' program has failed their mathematical skills. If you assume that I do choose to vote:

A vote for Trump gives Trump one vote and Hillary Zero votes.
A vote for Gary Johnson (Libertarian) gives Gary one vote and zero votes for Trump and Hillary.
A write in vote for Doggrel McTurd zeroes out all the others.

But if I vote for no one...Do the math...Hillary gets nothing, Trump gets nothing, the 'also rans' get nothing. What if everyone stayed home? That would make a point right? At least we'd know how many dead people were still voting.

Stay Home. Give them a zero. Be responsible. Do not vote! Remember, if you vote, you will be to blame; part of the problem. Are you a problem? You might be. Watch yourself.  Just say 'no' to voting.

Fred Reed On the Election

Fred Reed is one of my secret pleasures. He often says what needs to be said when no one else will say it.  His political commentary is what could be described as the anti Andy Rooney. Here's a sample. Follow the link above for more.

"More fun in the Indispensable Nation: As we have all heard by now, according to Hillary, ardent of becoming National Basilisk, half of Trump’s supporters are evil and the other half losers, deplorables all. That is, she holds half of Americans in contempt. Unsurprisingly she said this in New York, which is barely America, and to a convention of sexual curiosities.

I frankly think her admirable. As she coughs, staggers, convulses, lies, pilfers, sells favors and lapses into intermittent confusion, she still has the courage to tell America that she loathes half of it. That´s candor.

Give her credit for consistency. She is always mendacious, firmly in the pockets of Wall Street, Israel, the Neocon hawks, and the arms industry, never  having accomplished anything on her own, always riding Bill’s coattails, having a disastrous record as SecState, always for sale. With her, we know what we will get. With Trump, it’s a roll of very weird dice.
  
Ah, the Donald. While he unmistakably displays various presidential qualities–he can walk up stairs by himself, and his eyes usually point in the same direction–there is indeed a certain aleatory quality to the man. God knows what he might do. He shoots from the hip, saying all sorts of loopy but interesting things. Interesting if you live somewhere else. He talks  unflatteringly  about the other sex near open mikes, instead of away from them like everybody else.

The Donald merely makes me nervous, while Hillary makes me want to take poison. It is the difference between an acid trip and death by sinus drainage. His truly great strength is that he is not Hillary. The election is really a contest between placeholders for conflicting interests, for different views of the world. Few would want either if there were another choice."

And so it goes. His observations are both funny and correct. It is yet another reason why I will not be voting again...ever. It makes no difference.

Ask Your Doctor Today About Voting

This is Sarcastic, Truthful and Hilarious; the three great pillars of my sense of humor. Thanks to Melissa and Aaron Dykes for the reality check in this election season.

The Prayer Wall

No, not the Wall in Jerusalem. Not that Prayer Wall. I'm talking about mine. Yes, I have one. Maybe I should back up and explain.

Our pastor has been doing a series of sermons on core values at our church. I know it sounds a bit corporate, but since most of the working population at church works for a corporation, it makes sense. It is something we would all be familiar with. Check out any corporate handbook. Core values are usually listed in the front, just prior to an explanation of company policy that hopefully reflects those values.

Anyway, I tend to zone out or focus on one element of a sermon that catches my ear. I may have used the term "bored" or "boring" yesterday in conversation with the pastor whom I consider my friend. It was a poor choice of words and I apologize. I am a little fidgety when it comes to one way conversations. I guess sermons tend to be monologues. Whatever. If I can't participate in the discussion, I get foggy and drift out to sea unless what the speaker is saying is extremely hard hitting. It is not the preacher's fault. It happens anytime I am expected to sit and listen. It happens with other preachers. It's me guys. I'm sorry and I apologize...again.

So on the 16th, he talked about prayer. It was something that held my attention and we were actually expected to participate in the sermon process. We had to find someone in the congregation and pray for them in real time, on the spot and in person. It was an idea whose time had come. We are a praying church anyway, but it seems to get done individually and maybe from a list. Doing it one on one and in person, face to face before the Lord - that was new to many of us...including me who is not really a public pray-er anyway. I have issues with corporate prayer. I have issues with prayer in general. We will get to that shortly I hope. Whatever my personal issues with it, I believe it was a good exercise that should probably be done more frequently. I just need to tear down my walls and learn to participate. And that brings me to yesterday...

I could not tell you what the sermon was about yesterday. I know it came from Ephesians, but I still have not figured out what 'core value' he was talking about. It's not your fault Steve. I was still contemplating the interview with the 'missionary' and other stuff which had nothing to do with the Lord's business. Again, I have to apologize. Not your fault dude. But then you began talking about the wall. You read that section from Ephesians 2:14-18.

 ¹⁴ For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, ¹⁵ by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, ¹⁶ and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. ¹⁷ He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. ¹⁸ For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.

In the second temple of the Jews, in the time of Christ, in Jerusalem, there was a wall of separation. Paul refers to it here as a dividing wall of hostility. And that is what it was in every sense. The outside court of the temple was called the 'court of the Gentiles'. This area of the temple was reserved for God fearing Gentiles to worship. However, since they were Gentiles and not Jews, they were not allowed to proceed any further inside the temple to the sanctuary area - not the court of (Jewish) women, not the court of the Jews; they could not approach the altar of sacrifice or the Holy place or the most holy place. They were barred from approaching God because they were not part of the covenant and they were steeped in sin from birth.

The wall (Soreg) that kept them out was about 3 cubits high. A tall Gentile might have been able to see over it, but passage beyond it was not permitted. There were clear warnings engraved in the stone blocks of the wall in various places. The warning was clear.

It was in Greek, the language of most Gentiles of the time. In English, it would look like this. "No outsider shall enter the protective enclosure around the sanctuary. And whoever is caught will only have himself to blame for the ensuing death."

Is that hostile or what? It was deeper than mere religious prejudice. It's true that Jews hated Gentiles back in the Day. but there was another reason. The wall was there to keep the Gentiles away from the presence of God. They (we) represented unredeemed and sinful people that were outside of God's will. The Gentiles had to be kept away; separated from God and separated from His chosen people.

In the Ephesian passage quoted above, Paul is saying that, through His sacrifice, Christ tore down that wall of separation and hostility and enabled believing Gentiles like the Ephesians to be able to approach God. 

This talk of walls of separation during the sermon yesterday recaptured my lagging attention and made me sit up and listen. Steve talked about how we, as a church, have walls. Our walls are not just to keep outsiders from entering our 'sanctuary'. We have walls inside our sanctuary that keep us out of each others lives. And while he did not say this directly, I think we have walls in the church between social groups, races, sexes, ages and...I could go on...I won't. 

We have invisible walls. We say, 'this close and no closer'. Not everyone in our small church is like this. I am like this. Sorry. But there does seem to be a sentiment that one should not overshare or overknow their brother or sister in Christ. There are personal things that are not for discussion, no matter what negative effects it may be having on one's spiritual life.

In my life I have always been a man with walls. Last year at about this time I started the process of getting rid of those walls - or so I thought. In reflection, I find that I still have too many walls. They are more invisible now than ever before, but the force field is still in place and can be felt by those that approach me. It is not a good thing. I would like to think this is improving, and there are those that are helping me in this regard, but things are still not where they ought to be.

Then, as I processed all this, I began to put it together with last weeks sermon on prayer. When the whole thing got personal and I was expected to pray with others, one on one, face to face; a little voice inside me said, 'shields up' and I was reduced to rubble inside. I participated, but it was a very surface oriented, very shallow sort of thing with people I was sitting near. I had friends there that were having serious issues. I could have gone to them and we could have cried out to the Lord together, but no. I was in panic mode because I was being asked to interact in a personal and spiritual fashion with my brethren and my God. My shields were up. I did not want to go there.

This also happens to me internally when I am alone with God. Let me explain. I am having trouble with personal prayer. I have used a formula for years that I could build a good personal prayer time around, but that is crumbling. My prayers are halting, short and disorganized. I'm not sure what this is about. I can speculate. I may still be harboring some anger and resentment toward God about my life situation. Whatever it is, I can feel the wall going up between me and He. I can see over the wall, but I am afraid to go inside the sanctuary. I do not want to fight with Him and I do not want Him to extinguish me. He also has an unfair advantage in my view. He knows me inside and out, better than I know myself, but I know next to nothing about Him. I am one that has studied the scriptures quite a bit. Some might say my knowledge is extensive. But I still find that while I know a lot of facts about Him, I really do not know Him. This might be why I have been so fixated on the gospels in my personal study. I really do want to know Him better.

Whatever else happens, I need my prayer wall to come down. I'm not sure what it will take short of actually sitting down and praying with someone. Why do I hate that idea? I know. It leaves me feeling exposed to someone besides God, who really knows me and sees me as I am. It's the whole embarrassment thing again. I should be so over that by now.  Oh well. The answer eludes me. The road I am on is getting darker as the wall rises to block His light. It's obviously the wrong road. I need that wall to come down.      

Yesterday's Post

I was taking a gander at what came out of my fingers yesterday and contemplating again my fantasy year long vacation. I really must be tired of my current life. And it's true.; I am so sick of being responsible and that sickness also brings guilt with it when it involves others like Dad. I know I can't go now, but like some men I have fixated on in my life, it comforts me to think about it.

It's odd how freedom is elusive, even when we live in a free society. If we embrace responsibility with that freedom, then that freedom gets a revision, a postponement, a forward thinking, self sacrificing delay in it's actualization. Responsibility in a free society is an act of love for your neighbor, your family, your friends. It is you saying to the world, "Because I respect you, I will not do this or behave like that or be a self centered jerk. Instead, I will serve as others have served me"

Yesterday I wanted to be absolved of my responsibilities. I wanted to be me at 22 years old again. Ya know, there are things I liked about me at 22. I was more willing to take risks back then and some of them pretty stupid risks. I kind of wish I was that way again. And I have been taking risks with people, sharing who I am, even if they did not want to know. But in those days, I was willing to do things that could have changed my life forever. Fortunately they did not, but that's another story for another time.

I'm still thinking I need my year of living dangerously (to borrow a book title). I should just dial it back a bit maybe. This is going to require more thought. If something happens that makes My Year impossible, so be it. I just need to be a bit careful.    

As a side note, I am sitting in the grocery store parking lot and there is one of the bag boys bringing in carts. He is not happy about it. He is walking up and down the parking lot muttering to himself as he is the gathering carts. I am detecting some snottiness in his words, not because I can hear them, but by the expression on his face. He's kind of cute when he's mad, but he is learning responsibility, learning to delay gratification and make some money at the same time.

That process gets tiresome. I am sick of delaying gratification. I want to be free.

I'm a bit deluded right now, so I will go grocery shopping. Why? Because I'm so damned responsible and I want to look at the cart guy some more. Ya, I know. No gratification for me there at all. Even so, he looks like he would be a lot of fun. Gotta go...see ya tomorrow right?

Contemplating The Future

Thinking about the future and making plans at my age is a little dicey. My maternal grandfather was diagnosed with a brain tumor when he was my age. He died a few months later, just days before he was supposed to turn 60. One never knows what the future holds. It is important to keep things in order in the happenstance that the Lord calls early. I know that in some cultures, 60 is not early. I live in Iowa where 80 and 90 are fairly common ages to shuffle off the mortal coil. I would like to stay at least that long and in my right mind, fully mobile. That combination is not always a possibility.

Someone asked me what I wanted to do after retirement. I hadn't thought about it much because, given my current circumstances, I cannot go anywhere without an old man, my father, in tow. He is my current reminder that retirement can be a bummer. Alzheimer's eats away at the brain and robs him of life in a slow fashion as opposed to Grandpa's brain tumor which took its toll quickly.

Even so, as us humans are prone to do, I fantasize about the potential free time that could be in my grasp, given the right combination of circumstances. There is stuff I think I want to do. It would be more fun if someone went with me probably or joined me for portions of the final event - my last years, but it will most likely just be me. It usually is.

I've been taking a few vacation days, cleaning out the gardens at home in preparation for the spring of 2017. As I work, my mind has been constructing this sort of final vacation. It would take at least a year. I would explore the American west on wheels. I would start in the spring of 20--. I would take the northern route up to Minnesota, on to the Dakotas, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, Washington. I might stay in Washington awhile and get some meds for my "arthritis" :) , then south to Oregon and California where more meds might be required. I would also try to do some fishing in all these places. I would not take a boat. If I needed one, I would rent it for a few days.

After California, Arizona and Nevada (home of Area 51) would be next. I would take in that great scar in the earth, the Grand Canyon and I would begin pursuit of my hobby...UFO spotting. I will be looking for intensity, close ups and close encounters. I want to know what these things really are. As a conspiracy theorist, I tend to believe these are government projects. I also think there is a secret space program that is advanced and designed to take the elite off planet when the feces hit the oscillating wind device here on earth. I want to find evidence.

Next stop - New Mexico. UFO Alley. I may be there awhile. If you have never read of the adventures of Paul Bennowitz in Albuquerque, you have missed something mysterious in the extreme. He lived in an Albuquerque suburb on the edge of Kirtland Air Force Base and the things he saw and where those things took him is beyond imagination. If you wish to receive 'enlightenment', let me suggest "Project Beta" by Greg Bishop, "Dulce Base" by Greg Valdez, and as an adjunct, "UFO's and The National Security State" by Richard Dolan. I want to go to the places that Paul Bennowitz went to. I would really like to see the things he witnessed. I am just too nosey. I'm the guy that always has to look and has to ask the uncomfortable questions. I'm going to need a tin foil hat.

After New Mexico, I think I will winter in southern Colorado; rent an apartment or something in Manitou Springs or nearby, and relax into the vapor of some more arthritis medicine. My pain is always worse in the winter. There is also UFO activity in the that area. Many of the thousands of cattle mutilations in the early 70's occurred in these environs. I want to see where...of course.

In the spring I would move out through Kansas to Missouri, fishing all the way. I would stop in Joplin to see Eric and Melissa and Kim and Neil. Then north and home for a visit home. Next stop, Greece, Italy, France, Germany and Ireland...but that will be for another blog post.

One more thing. During my US tour, I intend to go to seed. I will not cut my hair or shave. I will get my right ear pierced and my back tattooed. My earring will be a simple gold ring with a small feather dangling from it. The tattoo emblazoned across my shoulder blades will say "Bond Servant" in Hebrew (from left to right of course). I want to let my white hair grow down to the middle of my back. I want to die a hippie.

I know all that seems hypocritical given my recent criticism of body piercing and marking, but that grew more out of jealousy of the freedom others are currently enjoying. After all, what are few more purposeful injuries to my nearly worn out body going to matter. It will all decay in the grave anyway. I'm going to get a new one when it's all said and done.

My Friday coffee / Sunday church friend, Geoff, suggested I do this now. I could load up my Alzheimer's addled father and Oliver the dog and we could take off in pursuit of other worldly craft. Dad meets ET.  Maybe the 'Greys' have a cure for Alzheimer's. It might make a good book or even a movie. Even if I made it all up; I'm pretty good at creating my own reality. It might be a hoot. Wanna go? I mean, if Dad and the dog are out of the picture, do you want to go with me? I know. I'm an acquired taste. If it doesn't work out, I could drop you at the closest airport.

I need an adventure. This requires more thought. I should do it....maybe. We will see what develops.
     

Four Questions

Tom Hughes at Relevant Magazine wrote an article entitled, "4 Questions That Will Deepen Your Understanding of God". He begins the article by talking about how many questions Jesus was asked during His ministry and by how many questions He asked others. Jesus participated in theses Socratic discussions with the hope of helping His people understand His Father.

In that spirit, Tom asks four questions designed to help us contemplate our Creator, to better grock His intentions for us, His followers. I thought I would try today to hash out how I would answer these questions. I thought it might be interesting, given who I am in the Body. I am no ordinary believer. This is not to say I am a super disciple. I am not. As I contemplate these questions, I find I'm a bit of a mess, but I also see how blessed and graced I am. It's all a bit humbling.

1. What am I looking for?

Ya, what? As an SSA, celibate man that is also a Christ follower, I find my flesh is continually distracted by men. I do not voluntarily 'look'; it just seems to 'naturally' happen. Resistance is a daily, sometimes hourly activity. I can't help it. I really can't. I just love you guys. Men are the most amazing things that God ever created in my opinion. Strangely, the God that created me, and men in general, has advised that same sex sexual activity is verboten. I get this intellectually and even spiritually, but my flesh seems hard wired in that SSA way. And more self denial creates sometimes, more desire. My question to Him is, why did You make me this way? My brethren assure me that He did not. I believe He did. See Romans 9.

I still do not know why I am what I am, but having said all that, I know what I am really looking for and it is not men.

I want peace. Peace from the desire. Peace from the urge to love in ungodly ways. Peace from the persecutions that emerge from spiritually dirty places. I want to relax and enjoy the company of men without the desire to cuddle them and take them home with me. I need to get it out of the way. It sometimes stands between He and I in very negative ways. Even though I am not acting out, I just want to hide from Him sometimes because I am so ashamed of what goes on in my mind. What I really want is peace with Him. Perhaps I am looking to be worthy of His love. I know that none of us are there and I know He loves me, but like any child, I just want my Dad to be proud of me.

2. Is There Anything About Jesus and His Teachings That Offends Me?

Funny you should ask. Yes. I think it's His sense of fairness. The divine idea of what is fair in life is very different from the human sense of fairness. Our sense of fairness tends to rise from a selfish point of view. I get that. I really do, but why would I not be concerned about why Joe Christian has a perfect life with 2.3 children, a wife and a good job and absolutely no spiritual questions. Why would I not think, "why does he get this life and why do I get mine which is a constant turmoil in spiritual terms?"

Yes, I know it was not fair that Jesus had to give up heaven and come here to suffer with us and for us. But He is God. He knew before the beginning what it was going to take and He did it anyway. I just want to understand it. Why do I get to be gay? I don't want to be gay. Really I don't. It's just too hard. Even a gay nonbeliever will tell you that. But it is what it is right? This is what I have been given. It offends me, but it is what it is. I just have to embrace the suckage and rely on His grace...and maybe that's the point huh? I don't know. I do know that it's the one thing between us that we argue about. I'm sure He is tired of it...but so am I. He was a man once and He has seen the pain here first hand. How could He not know...I know I've told Him about it.        

3. Can My Baggage Be Used For Something Better?

This is where I am at right now. How do I use what has been given me to serve God? Can I channel this SSA thing into something positive? I would like to be able to help others like me. I would like to be able to work with men in ministry sorts of ways without my own problems getting in the way. I am not sure that this is supposed to happen. I would be a wounded healer in recovery trying to help other wounded warriors. I would need to be stronger than I am now, I think, to make this work. Then again, maybe I just need to rely more on His grace to make me stronger. It scares me.

4. How Was God Present With Me Today?

I think this is the easiest question. I feel His presence everyday and all the time. Even when my mind is in the gutter, even if I'm on some kind of spiritual high. I know He is always with me. I catch myself talking to Him at odd times. I have come to believe He puts ideas in my head.  He is always with me. I sense Him when I'm angry, thankful, tempted, sinning, happy, sad and whatever. I cannot hide from Him. I have tried. This is how I know. I feel His presence. He is trying so hard to make sure that I make it. What more could I ask for? Even so I do ask.
 ----------------------------------------------------
In summation, I would have to say that I was 'equipped' as I am because it was the only way that I would become dependent on Him. It's that dependence that draws us close, even when I question Him, and it's the same dependence that allows Him to question me. And somebody needs to do that. Really. Someone needs to do it.

The bottom line is that I love Him and I could not live this life without Him. He is worth everything I have had to give up and much more. Thanks Lord for being my Abba.     

The Reality of Sychar

In the gospel of John, chapter 4, Jesus and His disciples move from Judea to Samaria to avoid an encounter with the Pharisees over His evangelistic work there. It may have been His plan all along to go there. What happened is nothing short of amazing in Christian terms. It all started with His encounter at the town well.

⁴ Now he had to go through Samaria. ⁵ So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. ⁶ Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon.
⁷ When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” ⁸ (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)
⁹ The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.^[a])
¹⁰ Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

There are several odd things about this situation. First, Jews were not in the habit of traveling through Samaria. They would traverse a longer route east of the Jordan river to get to Galilee in those days. This was because of the animosity between them and the Samaritans. Jews considered Samaritans as half breeds, as heretics and as unclean. They had very specific differences of opinion over where to worship and what constituted God's written word. It was sort of like the difference between an evangelical Christian and a Mormon, but I digress.

Second, a Jewish man, and most especially a Rabbi, would have avoided speaking to any woman not related to him when they were in a public setting. That this woman was a Samaritan, made the encounter all the more disturbing from a first century Jewish point of view. Nonetheless, Jesus engages her in conversation and she responds in kind, without fear and is even a bit aggressive. When Jesus pushes, she pushes back.

For convenience, I have named this woman Delores. She is a character that would have been comfortable in our culture I think. Her openness and willingness to to speak is intriguing. And so Delores speaks.

¹¹ “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? ¹² Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”
¹³ Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, ¹⁴ but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
¹⁵ The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”
¹⁶ He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”
¹⁷ “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. ¹⁸ The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

Delores may not have been a Rhodes Scholar, but she knew her mind. What she did not understand is that Jew she was talking to knew her mind better than she did. In their discussion of water, the conversation turns to a type of water only offered from one Source. She wanted to know where to get this eternally thirst quenching water, but before the discussion could continue, Jesus asks Delores to go get her husband.

Uh-oh.

What was that about? Delores had no intention of discussing her personal life with this Jew. She wonders to herself, "how does He know these things? About my past; yes even about my sinful life?"

Indeed, Jesus knew everything about her, about her need for something to end her searching, to help her settle and get repointed in her approach to life. The best parts is, she wants to pursue what Jesus is saying to her in that effort. So she begrudgingly admits her sin and says Jesus is right in one statement.
 

¹⁹ “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. ²⁰ Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”
²¹ “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. ²² You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. ²³ Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. ²⁴ God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”
²⁵ The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”
²⁶ Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.

Delores is no one's dummy. She immediately gets it. She is onto Jesus almost as fast as Jesus was on to her. What happens after this is incredible. As the disciples return with lunch, Delores runs into town, tells everyone about Jesus, and they invite Jesus and His disciples to stay for two days. Everyone in town becomes a believer.

Delores goes from being the town joke to the town evangelist. It was a profitable junket for Jesus and His apostles. After this, they go on to Galilee.  

It's interesting to me that this story comes on the tail of Jesus' encounter with Nicodemus; He was the staid Pharisee that approached Jesus in stealth and by night. He was the religious authority, Sanhedrin member and power broker. He was the doctor of the the law; the teacher of Israel and yet he did not understand as Delores did, what Jesus was offering. Nicodemus was blocked by many things including his perception of who God is and and what He wants for His creations. Delores had nothing like that holding her back from accepting Jesus. Her religious presuppositions were fluid enough and her life experience was drastic enough that she knew there had to be other answers. She found them in Jesus.

We who call ourselves believers are many times more like Nicodemus than Delores. We miss the real Jesus, we miss rebirth, we miss the absolute joy of knowing Him because we have Him in our little box, figured out and surrounded by man-made rules. We do not really understand the man we call Lord because we cannot put down the religion we created and pick up the life of faith. It's hard. I have been there, but I have also been where Delores was. I find I relate to Delores more now than Nicodemus. Delores wanted to know God and she had a chance to question Him at the well. Nicodemus enjoyed the same opportunity and left the discussion baffled by the young rabbi. 

Do you see the difference? An old church elder more interested in keeping rules and control and a believer jaded by sin that still gets excited about Jesus. Who did more for the kingdom? 

It's Delores, hands down!

I love people like Delores. I wish we had a whole church full....wait...I think we do. They just need to be set free. Let's make that happen!    

7 Unbiblical Statements That Christians Believe

There is an interesting and short article in Relevant Magazine about seven things that Christians errantly believe; things that are not supported by scripture. Two of them are particularly ubiquitous in Christian quarters these days and I find myself wondering why we believe them. I have heard these little bits of faux wisdom frequently from various Churchians in recent years and I always think they are ignorant in the extreme. Let's just say they irritate me to the point of indignation. Here are the biggest of the seven lies. Yes, lies.
 

5. God Won’t Give You More Than You Can Handle

 

6. Bad Things Happen to Good People

Let me just say, in agreement with the writer, Shane Pruitt, that God regularly gives us more than we can handle. Further, He has a purpose in this. We are to live by faith, dependent on Him and NOT on ourselves. Some people believe that God is teaching self reliance when troubles come into our lives. Self reliance is based in pride. It's true that God gave us brains and He expects us to use them, but I think He is more interested in having our brains pointed toward Him, relying on Him in the difficult and overwhelming times of crisis. 

 

Then there is the whole 'bad things happen to good people' lie. Who is good? Jesus said that only God is good, so where does that put everyone else? Seriously, if you want to make the statement correct, you would have to express it this way..."bad things happen to people". It's what people do with the bad stuff that is relevant. Relying on God when the feces hit the oscillating wind device is about the best thing one can do. It may not make the bad seem better, but at least you will not be enduring whatever it is alone. The whole notion of 'good people' really grates against everything we know about ourselves. Scripture tells us that no one is without sin; that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. 

So friends, fall back into the everlasting arms of Jesus and hang on for dear life. It may be a bumpy ride, but He will not drop you. Rest safe in the knowledge that you are His prized possession. He gave His life for you. It's what God gave Him to do. It was a bad thing, but God was with Him and he handled it. Yes, I know that you are not Jesus, but you are probably not facing crucifixion either. Buck up and move forward in faith. Isn't it our goal to be more like Him anyway?   

Nicodemus Goes to Jesus

In the gospel of John, chapter three, we read about a man named Nicodemus that approaches Jesus by stealth at night.

3 Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus who was a member of the Jewish ruling council. ² He came to Jesus at night and said, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the signs you are doing if God were not with him.”

³ Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.^[a]”
⁴ “How can someone be born when they are old?” Nicodemus asked. “Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be born!”
⁵ Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. ⁶ Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit^[b] gives birth to spirit. ⁷ You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You^[c] must be born again.’ ⁸ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”^[d]
9 “How can this be?” Nicodemus asked.
¹⁰ “You are Israel’s teacher,” said Jesus, “and do you not understand these things? ¹¹ Very truly I tell you, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony. ¹² I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things? ¹³ No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven—the Son of Man.^{[e] 14} Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up,^{[f] 15} that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.”^[g]
16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. ¹⁸ Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. ¹⁹ This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. ²⁰ Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. ²¹ But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.

It's an interesting encounter, especially when you consider who Nicodemus was in the great scheme of things in that day in Judea. The first thing I notice is that he is a Pharisee and a member of the Sanhedrin. This made him a very powerful man; one of the 70 most powerful men in Judea. It's also my thought that he did not get there without considerable wealth. And then there is his training as a Pharisee. He was, as Jesus indicated, a teacher of the law among the Jews; probably a doctor of the law. I would guess that he knew the law of Moses forward and backward as well as the Mishna which was the oral traditions of the Pharisees.  He was a man dripping with power and clout that knew how to follow the rules.

In his time, Nicodemus was a man that had made it. He was a success in terms of the society that he lived in. He was the epitome of what every Jew, ambitious to lead, would have aspired to.

And so he approaches Jesus by night. Odd behavior for a man of his importance. Perhaps he wanted to avoid the public scrutiny that Jesus endured daily in order to have a quiet discussion or maybe he just did not want to be seen. He may have been sent by the Council to learn more about the young Galilean, or perhaps he was curious himself about what would drive this rabbi from Nazareth to violently cleanse the temple. He may have thought the break up of the Bazaar of Annas was a good thing and a harbinger of the coming messiah.

Whatever his motivations, Jesus wasted no time on small talk. After some observations from Nicodemus, the conversation turns very quickly from dialogue to monologue. Jesus was seldom gentle with the Pharisees of His day and He was not easy on Nicodemus. This had to be a tough lesson for Nicodemus. Being lectured about the things he should know by a 30 year old Rabbi from Nazareth had to be hard, especially when he was probably 50+ years old.

The concept of spiritual rebirth was a hard one. The concept of faith as the only criteria for eternal life in God's Kingdom would have been doubly hard for man convinced that only good works could achieve that. But we do know Nicodemus listened. He became a silent friend of Jesus. He would later speak up for Him when others flung accusations and he would be one of two men that tended to Christ's burial needs after the crucifixion. It's my thought that he even became a full blown Christ follower after the resurrection, but that is extrapolation on my part.

Nicodemus is much like us; like those of us that grow up in the faith and in a church. We become successful Churchians, but do we really become Christ followers? We think we know the truth. We think if we do this and that and this and that, then we are holy, saved and sanctified. We look down on others that have no faith. We question brethren that do not tow the party line or violate the rules we have installed around the free grace of the Lord our God, Jesus Christ. We never really understand what it is to be reborn because we have always thought we were sort of holy in the first place.

Sometimes God has to tear us down and put up a whole new human being in our place. When the crisis point comes, it can be tough. My life is a testimony to such reconstruction. There are many of you Churchians out there right now that are going through this process. There are some of you that need to.

You may have confessed your faith and been baptized in obedience to Jesus' command, but rebirth did not happened. I hate to say it, but sometimes planted seeds do not germinate right away. It takes awhile for us to grock what Jesus and His Kingdom is all about. I am still learning new things everyday.

The most important thing that Jesus has taught me is this. He loves me. I was worth dying for. I don't know why He feels that way about me, but I know He does. I am happy with that. I am content to lean back into His everlasting arms like John did and accept His love that comes freely. I am His.

Paul, who was once a Pharisee himself, said this: 

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, forn my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.     

I have such a messenger in my life, and while I am not quite to the point of delight, I do know that when I am weak, then I am strong because God's power rests on me! His grace is sufficient. Praise His Name, His grace is sufficient. I have been reborn!

Aunt Mary Ellen

My Aunt, Mary Ellen Brady, went home to be with Jesus and the other saints last Friday. She was having a hard time with a very severe form of leukemia as well as Alzheimer's disease. My Uncle did his very best helping her through those times. She is gone now, but her life here had more than just a significant impact in the communities she lived in and worked in. She was one to put her faith into action and so she had an effect on the lives of many.

My earliest memory of her goes back to about 1960. I suppose I would have been about three years old. I can remember going to Cedar Rapids with my parents and (I think) my grandparents. My Uncle worked for Collins Radio (now Rockwell Collins) in Cedar Rapids, and they lived in a trailer park in a northern suburb. It seems like it was Christmas time. Aunt Mel had made Christmas cookies and decorated them all differently. I am told that she presented me with a plate full of them and I told her that I couldn't possibly eat them all.

It wasn't long after that when she gave birth to my cousin Scott. This was a traumatic time for me. It meant that I was no longer the only grandchild. The adjustment was difficult.  I did finally forgive her for that, but not until I realized this meant I would have someone to play games with and torment. So it worked out in the end. Scott grew into a fine husband, father and pastor and he continues in these roles today with his wife Kim. Lets just say that the quiver is full.

Aunt Mel also brought Kim into the world a year or two later. Yet another mouth to feed and one that ran constantly.  :^) I am so funny!
Kim added a female flavor to the growing group of grandchildren and a more emotional temperament. I can recall one time when we were all at Grandpa and Grandmas. We were playing this game we had invented called 'kidnapper'. If I remember correctly, it involved kidnapping Kim. I'm not sure how it all turned out, but I do remember that, at some point, Kim told me in no uncertain, terms, that I was not the boss of her. She was right. I'm not sure anyone besides Jesus ever claimed that title. She too has since raised a small nation of her own with her husband Neil down in Joplin, Mo.

At this writing, I can't seem to remember if Uncle Dick and Aunt Mel moved to Berwick and then Des Moines before or after Kim was born. I suppose it doesn't matter, but I believe Kim was born in Des Moines. Later they moved to Pleasant Hill and on to Runnells.

I think it was when they were in Pleasant Hill that they got Alison. She was a late arrival, but sometimes the biggest challenges come later in life. I remember her as a baby. I wondered if maybe she was going to be a comedienne. She could make people laugh easily. It was like she got a whole extra cup of personality (mostly Brady to my mind, but some would disagree). I also remember getting the chicken pox from her and I was in high school at the time. It's kind of embarrassing, getting a childhood disease in high school. I think she was Grandpa's favorite. I had finally been dethroned.  Alison is now the mother of three young men and aging quite well

There was no throne. I kid.

At some point, and I believe it was when they lived in Pleasant Hill, Aunt Mel took over the family Christmas celebration. I'm sure that Grandma was relieved to have that off her plate and Aunt Mel took it and made it her own.

She was Italian. She made spaghetti sauce that was of the finest kind. She would add meatballs and Italian sausage served on pasta and topped with Romano. It became an annual tradition. The Jews had Passover, but we had Christmas at Aunt Mel's. Bring it on. It's making me hungry even now. Never mind the bread that got left in the kitchen. Didn't need it. Mmmmmm.       

Two other things that I remember clearly about Aunt Mel was her laugh and her singing voice. She was a joyful person. She had a hearty laugh. And she could sing like an angel. Her voice was beautiful. Heaven is a more joyful place because she is there and probably the envy of the Choir Invisible.

She used to sing with my Uncle Dick and I'm sure he will miss that, but the day will come when we will get to hear them together again, so all is not lost.

That's the thing about being a Christian. It's the hope. It's all about hope and purpose and doing and being as obedient as possible to our Savior. This is what she had and what we shared with her that was the single most important thing. The faith and the peace that passes all understanding. One day we will all be together again. The trumpet will sound. The eastern sky will split open in a blinding light. The dead in Christ will rise and then we will all meet Him in the air in glorious victory over sin and death.

See you then Aunt Mel. Thanks for being my Aunt. It was a good time.     

Church Membership

So how do you become a a Christ follower, a citizen of the Kingdom of God, a Christian?

The New Testament makes it simple. If you are convinced of the truth of the gospel message and believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, that He was crucified, that He died and was buried and then was resurrected to eternal life, then you are well on your way. 

That belief should engender a desire to be obedient to Him. You would recognize the sin in your life, repent of it and want something better. Your first act of obedience would be the act of baptism in water; full immersion that symbolizes the death, burial and resurrection of Christ. You would then be born again, receiving His Spirit, walking in new life with Him. Your sin, at that point is gone. You are covered by His grace, forgiven by His sacrifice and reborn through His resurrection.

At this point, you are a member of His Kingdom, His Church.

Or are you?    

My thought is, yes you are, but unless you are worshiping regularly with a local group of Christ followers, you are still an orphan in many ways. You need to be with like minded people for support, for accountability, for edification and for fellowship. You are a part of Christ's kingdom. You need to spend time with His other subjects regularly.

Does this mean placing membership with a local church? Does it mean visiting an established church with real estate and physical facilities and a congregation of regular attendees that all have their names officially recorded on a membership roll?

Even though I am someone that has done that, I have to say no.

I am not sure why 'membership' in a local group with a building and property would be required. It's not. Christians can worship locally together at any time in any place on any day. Even the first day of the week is merely traditional. It was the day that Christ rose from death to life. It was the day available to the slaves that made up so much of the early church. It was the day that the first Christians came together for worship.

So why do so many of us continue the practice of wasting the the Lord's resources with mortgages on property that continually needs to be upgraded and repaired? And even if that is warranted, why do we build these 'temples'? Why can't we just settle for a pole barn or an insulated steel building? We could at least work to conserve the Lord's cash, but no. We insist on facilities that, like our homes, are comfortably middle class and attractive. After all, we want to attract more people like us right?

You see what I'm talking about.

Becoming a Christ follower is simple. Becoming a local church member is not so simple and somewhat burdensome if you have to help in the upkeep and payment for these enormous suburban structures.

But wait, that's not all. We have to pay for staff. Pastors. Never mind that, as Christ followers, we are all priests. No we settle for being mere sheep lead by professional God botherers, because we cannot work through the Word ourselves without someone to tell us what to think.

It's odd how it works. We all arrive at the 'sanctuary' on Sunday morning. We take our places. We take part in worship with a cacophony of joyful noise, we listen to a short message prepared by a  professional who is as much an entertainer as he is a speaker and then we take five minutes to remember what our Lord did for us during the communion service. Then we go home or wherever.

Strangely, we feel good about that.

I enjoy it. It's fun.

Should it be like that? Is this what 'church' is suppose to be like? Are we mere spectators having a good time? Seems like it sometimes.

The lengths we go to in order to have a spiritual experience every week baffles me. Why do we need this? I know there are places that actually use smoke machines to enhance praise time. I have been moved more than once by the right combination of sound, music and verse. I know Gods word will do this. It's supposed to. But should there be all this emotion with it? Maybe. I don't know.

I just find myself wondering if this is what God wants in terms of praise and fellowship for the body. 

This is not criticism. As I said, I like it. I am just wondering if our current church model needs to be changed or if we are doing what we should be doing as Christ followers when we meet together.

And why do we have to have our names chiseled into a church membership roll if we are already believers? What's the point? Is it a legal thing? Is it a worldly thing?

Is there a right way to do 'church'? You tell me.