Some of you have met her. She was in my closet when all the other stuff came flying out last year. She was in there with all the anger and hate and envy and lust and desire and, and, and... I have been trying to kill her, but she just will not die. I thought she would leave once we were out of that closet. No such luck. She is a real bitch and it looks like we are stuck together until the end.
She is the part of me that is snotty, sarcastic, cynical and mean spirited. She is a horny slut, always scoping out the guys and looking for trouble where there is none. She is a red headed bitch that is impossible to live with. She is me at least in part. I think she is what I would have been had I been born female and not reborn as Christian.
Praise the Lord for that last bit. He is the only one that has any control over her and she has been a bit uppity since last November. You can't spank her either. She likes it. What are you going to do with that?
I will name her Jennifer. Sometimes she seems very real to me. We do not talk, but I always know what she wants when she's about and she is always there urging me on.
Someone suggested that she was just Satan in a disguise. Maybe. Far be it from me to say anything nice about the Accuser, but really, I do not think he wants to deal with her. She might take over Hell and then where would the Devil go. Ya, she's that bad.
I'm thinking now that since I have identified her and named her, maybe she will not seem so fearsome and be easier to keep in check. I hope she's been through menopause. I cannot imagine what that would be like. Or maybe I can. Maybe that's what's happening right now. If so, when it's over, she should be calmer right?
This is what it means for me to live by faith and not by sight people. I have to live with Jennifer all the time. Someday when I get rid of this body, she will be gone. Her days are numbered. I just have to remember to put on my 'glasses'.
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Be Gentle.