I Think I'm Becoming a Redneck

I have all the telltale signs; a ball cap with a fish hook clipped to the bill, sunburned neck and face, scarred up hands from being gouged by fish and hooks, an increasing ability to catch catfish regardless of my intentions and an overwhelming need to shoot rodents that invade my property.

Yesterday I was soaking in the bath tub after a long day of river fishing. I looked out the bathroom window and off the east deck in the timber sat a groundhog munching on some clover. He was sitting up like they do on his hind legs and seemed to be looking right at me. It was like he was checking out the deck and thinking he could hibernate underneath it come winter. Strange how I intuit a ground hog's thoughts. Perhaps another sign of my redneck status.

I immediately rose from the tub, wrapped a towel around myself, grabbed the .22 rifle, walked onto the deck and shot him. Later, I moved his carcass into the timber. Oddly, the evidence of my rodenticide disappeared in the night. I've noticed the same thing with the felonious squirrels I have terminated. There is something in the woods that does vermin carcass cleanup for me. Not sure what it is. I would think that a groundhog corpse would be too big for a fox or a cat to move effectively. Maybe a dog could do it or worse, a coyote. They have been reported in the neighborhood. Next time I deposit a rodent cadaver, I will have to stay up and watch to see what happens. As a redneck, I would really like to shoot a coyote. I need to think about that one though. I mean, who will clean up my carnage if I kill the cleaner? These things have to be considered.

Anyhow, as I mentioned earlier, I also seem to be catching an inordinate amount of catfish this year. This is odd, considering that I am fishing for bass and walleye. It may have something to do with the time of year or the drought, but the catfish strike at any shiny object I throw into the water, It could be that their natural foods (shad, minnows, fish fry) are in short supply. Whatever.

Generally when one considers catfishing, one thinks of using live baits or stink baits or even chicken livers. I have proven all these methods unnecessary. In my efforts to catch smallmouth, wiper and walleye, I have been using spinners and a variety of silver spoons. My technique for stream and river fishing is to find a place where the current is fairly swift. I cast the lure upstream and allow it to move downstream with the current, reeling in the lure just fast enough to keep the it off the bottom. The fish will strike as the lure moves downstream.

It's a method that works well and I did catch some walleye and smallmouth, but the biggest fish I caught in the past two weeks have been catfish. I have probably caught 10 maybe? Two were of very nice size, one weighing 7 Lb, 10 oz and the other 9 Lb, 1 oz. When they hit the lure, it nearly jerks the rod out of my hand. The ensuing fight is why I go fishing. It's just fun. I have been enjoying the catfish.

The most productive lure in this regard has proven to be the Mepps Comet #4. It's a spinner with a silver blade, some beads and a rubber minnow with two treble hooks. Make sure you have pliers on hand to remove this sticky lure from the catfish mouth.

I've been throwing the catfish back in the river. If there is an Asian about (and it seems like there always is), I will give them the fish. They seem to eat anything that swims including carp.

I'm not sure what a red neck does in the winter. I may have to take up hunting - or - maybe there will be enough rodentia to keep me occupied without leaving home. We will see