On Accountability

There was a post and discussion over at the Your Other Brothers blog about accountability and how the concept really does not work as we do it in churches right now. After some reading and re-reading, I have come to agree...sort of. And I would encourage you to go read the post, "Accountability Doesn't Work", by Kevin Frye by clicking the link above. He makes some good points and after thinking about the people in my life that have acted to hold me accountable, I think his premise is right.

The over all purpose of accountability partnering is supposed to be to keep everyone pointed toward Christ and living our lives for His sake and in His Name. By developing relationship with Him and our brothers and sisters, we can replace the sin in our lives with love for Him and love and fellowship with our brethren. That's how it's supposed to work.

What seems to happen though, many times and not always, is that an accountability partner becomes our resident Pharisee. We will carry around our guilt and shame over a particular sin or bad habit or addictive behavior and then we will confess to this partner what we have done. They will help bring clarity to our muddled and sinful mind so we can get back on track through prayer and study of scripture. Then we are fine for a week or two, we lose our resolve and a cycle develops.

Sin, shame and guilt, confession, repentance, weakening and then sin again.

We try to battle sin with more works of the flesh. Use of self control and confession of sin is great for the soul, but if it does produce real change, it has failed to do what is intended by those actions and the result is many times a hardening of the heart toward the sin we are trying to escape. It actually becomes easier to be a sinner because we get numb to the sorrow, shame and guilt over time and confession becomes easier because of it.

So what has to happen to make accountability work the way it's supposed to?

How about if, instead of being accountability partners, we become friends bound together by Christ? How would that change the face of accountability in a church?

Someone (Mike) in the comments section to the post I referred to said that many times, our sin problem, whatever it may be, is due to an 'intimacy deficit' issue in our lives. Because we lack the intimacy of close friendship with our brethren and even with Jesus, we sin to fill the void in our hearts. Our sin becomes our 'go to' when we need to feel better. We may, for awhile, feel guilt or remorse after, but eventually we get hardened to it and settle for the cycle I mention above. This is especially true with addictive behaviors like substance abuse, illicit sex, masturbation and porn. Unless something greater supplants the comfort we get from our addictions and sins, we will never break free from the cycle.  (Thanks Mike for your thoughts here.)

So what is the intimacy deficit. Is it not love? Is that not what is many times missing in our accountability efforts in a given church?

We cannot merely hold people accountable for their behavior. We have to be more than Pharisees with each other, trying to uphold the divine law with our own strength and study. It does not work. We must come together as friends, encouraging each other, forgiving each other and loving each other. We have to fill each other's intimacy void with the love of Christ. Bashing each other over the head with rules does not work. We have to become sensitive to each others needs, become more than acquaintances and be true friends in Christ.

Hebrews 3:12-14

12 See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. 13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. 14 We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end.

Hebrews 10:19-25

19 Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Galatians 5: 13-18

13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh[a]; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”[b] 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

I Peter 1:22, 23

22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.[b] 23 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.

I John 4:17, 18

17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

So friends, knowing these things, lets love and encourage one another. Let's fill the intimacy deficit in each others lives with caring love for each other and for Jesus. There is no escape from the cycle of sin without it. We must know each other as we are known by Him. This is hard; harder for some than others, but if we wish to be successful in our walk with Christ, it is the only way we will become whole.

I have seen too many that get lost on the path and wander off the "ranch" to their own destruction because, while many were willing to tell them about avoiding sin, few or none were willing to come alongside them and walk with them as their friend, bringing them love and encouragement. So, instead they chose the path of death to fill their intimacy deficit. I ask you, who will be judged for that? Accountability without friendship and love does not work.

Let me close with this. There are people in my life that hold me accountable, but you know what? I barely notice that's what they are doing because they are my friends and they love me. They help me to fill that intimacy deficit in my life by loving me. I thank God for them daily. Y'all know who you are. Thanks for being my friends in Christ...I love you too.

Get yourself a friend at church, maybe someone that you have never spoken to. See what develops. Holiness could be closer than you think for both of you. Break the cycle together.

See ya Sunday!