Six Years of Crap

I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. I had the sense that the Holy Spirit had been working hard in me as I slept to buff out some spiritual issues and also to sharpen and repoint my mind. Of late, I was beginning to think that He had given up on me, but the sense of peace I have today tells me otherwise.

For some reason, it is abundantly clear today that I have been dealing with six years of crap that has been building since I put my life on hold to take charge of my Dad in 2011. It's like the files of my mind are being purged in the hard drive of my brain  and I can collate data again. So when I got out of bed today and took my morning pills, I knew without a doubt that, as much as I love the peace and quiet of my parent's house and property, I need to get out of there. I also need to get rid of my condo on the south side and settle into something smaller in a different place where there are people of my own age. What a painful thing to admit. I need to be with people. Who would have thought it?

I have been given much, but the weight of it is more than I need in old age. I think it is more than I ever needed. I feel enslaved to it all. God did not intend for me to live this way. I need to be free of the entanglements and pressures of this present world. I've never been one to thrive under pressure. It usually makes me tired, cranky and horny. Hence, my desire for the forbidden, metaphorical tacos late.  

And about those tacos, I have concluded what follows.

There is nothing wrong with having the desire. Indeed, it seems quite natural.
There is nothing I can do about it.
There is a right way and a wrong way to enjoy them.
I have resisted the wrong way for 38 years. Why would I want to mess up a streak like that?
It's OK to be alone and lonely as long as I am free.

And so, it's time to break the present paralysis and move forward. Probate will be over next month and there are things I need to do to ready myself for completion of my last chapter. Time to move forward, onward and upward.

Lord, please make it so. I can almost see your smiling face from here. An undiscovered country lies ahead and this nomad is tired of being a stranger here. See you soon.