Faith

Hebrews 11:1

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Is this a reasonable statement? Is believing in invisible things kind of crazy?

This is where I am at today. There are many things I accept on faith, including many things in the Bible. My trouble is with the concept of sanctification and the work of this alleged Holy Spirit. Now maybe I just do not understand. I am prepared to accept this and learn, but some instruction would be helpful. If I'm completely transparent about this, I am very much like the disciples of John the Baptist in the Bible. I seem to be unaware of this Holy Spirit.

You see, this is the personal and inward part of Christianity. It is spiritual. I guess that I am not what you would call a spiritual person. What I know seems to come from intellectual understanding of the scriptures and what I believe in my mind comes from circumstantial evidence. There does not seem to be, for me, a spiritual component to my faith.

Am I looking for magic? For a feeling? For an experience beyond my intellect that changes me despite my natural state?

It's that last one. It really is. I do not believe I have ever had a spiritual experience. I have had many emotional experiences. I have even wept over my lack of spirituality. I feel bad about it. It's because something is missing and that something is spiritual.

I have always wondered at my Christian friends who would say things like, "I believe God is leading me to do..." or "God spoke to my mind" or "God is urging me to leave this whatever".

It mystifies me.

Friends, God does not talk to me directly, through circumstance or my emotions.

Emotions are just chemical reactions in our brains. The right combo of medications can fix that.

Should not true Christian spirituality be more than a feeling or more like an intellectual knowing of truth? Should I not want to do what is considered right in scripture because the Spirit has enabled and changed me in such a way to do so?

You see, the Bible says certain things are wrong, even abominations. Some of those things I see nothing wrong with other than the fact that God says they are wrong. If I accept that, I am reduced to the status of rule keeping Pharisee. If God truly changes my heart and sanctifies my being through the power of His Spirit in my life, would I not bend to His will without a battle or disagreement?

Lord, show me Your Spirit. I challenge you to do this. I know. Who am I to do that? Even so, I need to know you live inside me. I want to know you, but that does not seem to be happening. Where are you? Why are things not working as promised.

Are you even there? Have I been deluded all these years? Maybe I am not even a Christian. If that's the case, I need to quit wasting every one's time, including my own.

If You are there, please help me out here. I feel lost.