"What does an aging, celibate, gay Christian know about marriage?"
Would that summarize what's on your mind? Thought so.
The short answer to that question is that I know enough to stay as far away from it as possible. Trouble is, the short answer never satisfies, so here I go....
It was suggested to me by a good and trusted, but naive straight male Christian friend on Wednesday, that I should marry. He even knew who that woman, yes woman...should be. And while it turns out that woman is also a very good friend of mine, the answer is "no, no, no".
Let me be clear here. I love my straight male Christian friend.
I do not believe my good and trusted straight male Christian friend had any malicious intent. He saw that I and my female friend were both alone and, in his mind, unnecessarily so. He knew how much we already loved and respected each other, how we think alike, how we care about many of the same things. And this is all true, but it omits much about both me and my female friend that needs to be said here, as well as some basic principles that I think are important if one is to marry another. If I get this wrong, feel free to correct me. You know that will fail, but you can try. My mind has changed about many things over the years. Keep in mind though, only God could do it. I say that because I love y'all...:^)
Why do people marry? You can say, love, companionship, desire for family and children of one's own, union with another, security, community and on and on and on. But as Paul says, it is better to marry than to burn with desire. Most Christian folks get married because it's the only way God will sanction sexual activity. Get real my Christian brethren. You know that's why 99% of you got married. Sex is a big deal to most folks, even Christians.
And you know what? There is nothing wrong with that. Screwin and makin babies is what Christian married couples should do and are supposed to do. Have at it.
Trouble is...even if I was married to a woman, I could not do that. It would not be part of any male female marriage I had because I can't. It ain't possible; not even with a bottle of Viagra and an hour of gay porn before hand. I just can't do it.
What woman of any age would marry me knowing that, even if she loved me? What kind of man would put his female friend through that, knowing that it was impossible to consummate such a marriage? It is not fair to either party.
And since sex if off the table here, is there any reason to marry my female friend? What's the point? Why could she not live with me, be my companion and my confidant and roommate if we so desired without the benefit of marriage?
Y'all are a mess, I tell you what . What do you think is gonna happen? Do you think I will suddenly change my mind by being in mere proximity to a woman. It does not work that way people!!! I am hard wired to be a homo. I am not proud of that fact. It just is what it is. And if proximity had anything to do with sexual behavior none of you would have been virgins on your wedding day and probably most of you were not anyway. But I digress and judge others...sorry.
Seriously though, what is the point of marrying if there's no sex? You fear how it looks don't you? You are concerned about what people will think, even when you know sex would not be possible.
Y'all are seriously broken, but it does not matter.
Me and my female friend like living alone and apart from each other. Yes, we like it. Unlike you married
Now you're a bit envious aren't you? Thought so.
So, no, I will not be marrying my friend or any other female friend barring a miracle. Ain't gonna happen. Doesn't need to. Got it? Probably not, but I will settle for your reticent acceptance.
One more thing. Just so you know. When I came out of the closet at church, all the single women at church took a big sigh of relief. The pressure was off. People quit pushing them in my direction. Why? Because they knew it no longer mattered.
I am not marriage material. Are we clear on that? Good. Time for bed. Big day tomorrow. And if I hurt your feelings well, it was probably not the first time and it will not be the last. I'm sorry about that. I just want you to understand. Marriage does not equal happiness for everyone. And come to think about it, it does not always bring happiness to married people either.
Alone is my natural state. If I want company, I will give you a call. Even so, I love you. Now go away.
Let me leave you with this...
I Corinthians 7:26-28
26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
Hey, Paul said it under inspiration. He was not a married man. Divorced maybe. Whatever.
Getting married will not make me not gay OK? It will not make me straight. If that is the only way I will be acceptable, then maybe I should move elsewhere. I do not want to, but if you cannot accept me as I am, as God Himself made me, then maybe it's time.
I can have a platonic relationship with any number of females. I have that. But I can only be what I was made to be. My Designer never said it would be easy. Bringing glory to God through one's disability seldom is. But I know He loves me as I am. Please join Him. He loves you too, even though you are bent and broken. Let's go to heaven together. OK?
See ya in church. I love you.
JLB
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Be Gentle.