Reliving The Wound

Henri Nouwen was a Catholic priest born in the Netherlands. He was famous for, among other things, his concept of the wounded healer. When he taught at Yale, he published a book about it called, "The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society".

The notion of  the 'wounded healer' is the idea that, although the one giving pastoral care is broken spiritually in some way, he can still bring healing to others. The advantage here is the healer's brokenness. Our wounds enable us to serve. Our weaknesses become strength; the power to help God's other wounded children see hope in the face of misery. Nouwen said it this way:

“I have been increasingly aware that true healing mostly takes place through the sharing of weakness. [I]n the sharing of my weakness with others, the real depths of my human brokenness and weakness and sinfulness started to reveal itself to me, not as a source of despair but as a source of hope.”

He also said,

"There was a time when I really wanted to help the poor, the sick, and the broken, but to do it as one who was wealthy, healthy, and strong. Now I see more and more how it is precisely through my weakness and brokenness that I minister to others."

He was an interesting man. After leaving his teaching job at Yale, Nouwen went to work in Toronto at a place called Daybreak which was a community for the severely disabled. He was charged with the care of one patient named Adam that was plagued with severe epileptic seizures. His last book, "Caring for Adam" was about that experience. In it, Nouwen describes how his initial approach with Adam did not work. Apparently he tried to push Adam more and more - to fix him as it were. This failed. Nouwen came to realize that Adam would never improve from his present state, that he would never be able to achieve anything. Acceptance of this was hard, but what Henri learned was equally difficult. The very best service that Henri could give to Adam was simply to be there for him and to help him. As Nouwen said, “the true task of life might be the task to live our life faithfully in communion with the Lord [rather] than to change it.”

I think that last one is my favorite line. Faithfulness is more important than change, especially when change is not an option or it's impossible.

The facts are very disconcerting. Sometimes the wounds do not heal. They will never heal.

Not long after Nouwen's death, someone at the BBC outted Henri as gay. As a Catholic priest, he was of course celibate. No one has ever accused him of anything else. But to my mind, this has to have been part of his 'wound'. As one who has lived the celibate gay life for decades, I understand this in ways that you, dear reader, do not - cannot. The wound is coupled with loneliness.

Phillip Yancey said of Nouwen, “I go back through [his] writings and sense the deeper, unspoken agony that underlay what he wrote about rejection, about the wound of loneliness that never heals, about friendships that never satisfy.”

If we, in the church who are gay are also to live faithfully, then we must embrace celibacy and everything that goes with it including the pain of loneliness and friendships that do not complete us.

We cannot change who we are, but we can remain faithful though our wounds remain and we must relive them daily in our cause.

Some will recoil at that statement. As I look back at my steps over my past 60 years, enabled to view all the mistakes I have made, I no longer recoil. As I recall, our Lord's resurrected body still bore the wounds of his brutal death. Even so, Thomas knelt and proclaimed, "my Lord and My God". My spiritual scars are nothing in comparison except reminders of how much better my life is with Him than without Him. His wounds are a healing balm to me. They roll back some of my pain. I am enabled, despite my woundedness, to help myself and others.