"Lips That Have Touched Alcohol Will Never Touch Mine"

This is what my paternal Grandmother would say, most especially to my Grandfather. Alcoholic beverages were, to them, the Devil's brew. They were believers in prohibition. As Christians, it was their view that the use of alcohol, for any reason, was a sin. This was also tradition in our family for generations. It was not negotiable. Never mind that even Paul said to take some wine for your stomach's sake or that Jesus raised a glass of wine at the last supper or even made gallons of the stuff wedding feast at Cana. To hear them tell it, none of this wine was alcoholic. As to where the apostles got unfermented wine in April for the last supper/Passover is beyond me. Perhaps it was an unmentioned miracle. Whatever.

Gramps used to tell a story about enjoying some 3.2 beer with some other farm hands on a hot day. It nearly ended in his divorce. Grandma was apoplectic. She did not really understand the difference between being drunk and having a beer or two. Not many in the old fundy and evangelical churches did understand this. Needless to say, Grandpa did not go there again. He did, however, keep a bottle of the liquid version of Geritol in the laundry room on the top shelf. I walked on him taking a few serving spoonfuls more than once. Back in the day, this kind of Geritol was about 50% alcohol even though the label said that it was for "iron poor tired blood", whatever that is. Gramps also liked him some chewing tobacco and he would smoke a cigar if someone gave him one. Grandma would let him get away with these things as long as no one else heard about them.   

The lines we evangelical Christian types draw around things that we think approach sinful behavior is sometimes amusing. In this day in age, most evangelicals will have a drink or two, but there are still some that keep to the old ways and you never really know who you will offend with your presence in the liquor store check out line. Old ways die hard and sometimes, even though I think it's OK to have a toddy or two with dinner, I feel like I'm sneaking around when I go to make my alcoholic purchase.

I went to the liquor store on Wednesday to buy some beer. I like craft beers and I was bored with what was in the refrigerator so I went to buy something different. When I got there, in the parking lot I spied one of the church elders waiting in his car. I supposed his wife was inside shopping and thought nothing of it. This particular elder had seen me there before. He knew I was a "consumer" of such things. Again, I thought nothing of it. I went in and went about my business. It took me awhile. There are many choices and I wanted something I had not had before. When I finally made my decision and was pulling it off the shelf, I heard a very, very loud female voice speaking to me.

"Hi Jeff, it seems like we see other here more than we see each other at church". This was trailed by loud and obnoxious laughter as she wheeled her cart out the door. It was the elder's wife of course. The elder had seen me go in and texted his wife to have her exit through the liquor store and have a bit of a joke at my expense.

It worked extremely well. I felt my face flush as I turned, 4 pack in hand, to go to the check out. She was laughing all the way out the door. It was funny and it proved to me that I am still conditioned to feel guilty about alcohol consumption. I'm a sixty year old man. When am I going to break the restraints? Not sure.

It was funny though. I would buy her a beer if she wanted one.