I Joined A Secret Club

I joined a secret club today. As a conspiracy theorist, you would think I would be ashamed of my hypocrisy. Secret societies are allegedly responsible for the downfall of western Christian civilization. The Freemasons, Skull and Bones, the Illuminati, the Club of Rome, the Ku Klux Klan and the Bohemian Club are just a few of the fraternal orders that seek to control the levers of power in public and religious institutions and government.

But the group I joined is not like these. It is, shall we say, a para-Christian fraternal order of celibate, same sex attracted brothers in Christ that have come together to support each other. Though I am not fully initiated in rites of this organization as yet, I believe what I will find is a group of men gathered in the name of Jesus to serve Him and each others. At least I hope that's where this is going. We will see.

Some of you that know me are already seeing potential problems here since I don't always socialize well. I like to argue. I enjoy humor that is at another's expense - sarcasm, irony, pathos - the list goes on. I enjoy crushing the traditions of others and tend to be intolerant of people that disagree with me...which is really everybody when I think about it. It's a wonder I have friends at all, but I digress. It makes you wonder how I even got into a church.

I'm kidding...mostly.

So why did I join this group? It's a logical question. I was thinking the other day that all of my close friends are straight with only a couple of exceptions that come to mind. These two are special to me, but they never seem to want to talk about the struggle. If they don't want to, I have respect that. It can be difficult to be in the closet and also express what you are feeling about SSA life with another person. I was in that situation for decades and I could not take it anymore. I had to come out. I needed to talk. And I might also add that my church has been very supportive and I appreciate that more than they will ever know. It's just that I need a group of friends that get me. I need to be with my people to a certain extent. I hate being the only one in the room. Sure, I'm a white guy and I blend in well, but now that everyone knows, I have become a minority within a minority. I imagine them seeing a little rainbow over my head amongst everyone else's halos, every time they look at me.

What I really want is a group of people like me at church. I'm sure those words just made my pastors and elders cringe if they are reading. But we need it. And more broadly, we need to minister to all the singles at church without pushing them toward marriage. If we want to marry, and God supports the idea, we will find a way so quit pushing please. It is not necessarily the Christian answer to all things sexual - maybe for you, but not for everyone. (see how tolerant I'm becoming)

So wish me the best on this adventure in which I endeavor to be part of a group. It may just kill me or be the best thing yet.