I had a conversation yesterday with a soon to be single, Christian person that wanted to know how to live without sex. I did not have many good answers just off the top of my head. I usually need to mull things over. I process very slowly. You would think after 38 years of living without a sex partner, I would be able to spew tons of advice, but the fact is that I have not done this by myself. I have a God that has watched over me all my life and He is bent on saving my soul whether I cooperate or not. This is no small factor. It's also easier for me because I'm not all that attractive and that seems to keep potential partners away from my door. There was a time in 1979 when I was good looking for about 20 minutes, but the danger passed quickly.
That's an exaggeration. I was actually involved with someone for about 18 months in 1978-79 While I was in college. I told God and myself when it was over that I would never do that again unless Mr Right showed up at my door. All I can say is that he must be lost because he never arrived and I did not go out looking for him.
That last bit is key to living a life without sex. There are things you do not do and places you do not go if you want to avoid the possibility of sex or even the temptation. And that would include sex with yourself....there I said it. Staying clean outwardly and physically is one thing. It might even be easy. But if you want that to happen, you may need to stay clean the inside too. If the inside is clean, the outside will just fall into line. So police your life. Stay out of bars that promote a hook up culture, stay off certain websites and away from porn and by all means, try to avoid taking matters into your own hands. Avoiding this kind of personal intimacy is important in keeping the house clean. I've heard it said that masturbation is more like a cough or a sneeze or a belch or a fart than it is a sex act. It's just a relief valve. I have said that myself in the past. I have come to believe it's a gateway 'drug'. Whatever you think about auto-eroticism, begin thinking about it in terms of a clean mind and heart and see if that changes what you think about it.
The scriptures tell us in no uncertain terms what God's intentions are for human sexuality. His design was originally for sex to take place only between people of opposite sexes in marriage. If you are not in a marriage with a member of the opposite sex, then sex is off limits. If you are a believer and you are not married or you are divorced or your attractions are messed up (like mine), and you wish to remain within the will of God and in obedience to Him, you must give it up.
So am I talking about a life of celibacy and chastity and what do those words really mean as they apply to the single person's Christian life?
My first thought is that these terms are different and mean different things. All Christians are called to practice chastity whether single or married. Chastity is the proper observance of God's commands with regard to sexuality. If you're single, it means you do not have sex at all. If you are married, it means you have sex only with your marriage partner. And everyone must practice chastity of the mind and heart. As I said earlier, a clean mind and heart makes everything else easier.
Celibacy goes beyond chastity in some ways and may actually be a spiritual gift. It is a voluntary submission to a life without sex and family and in dedication to fuller service of God and His Church. Though one may well be able to marry in the traditional sense, this ability is given up for a higher, more noble purpose. See Matthew 19:10, 11 and also I Corinthians 7.
So what about those of us that do not have this gift of celibacy? We did not volunteer for it? We did not ask for it. But because of the situations of our lives, we must live without sex to please God.
Well, if you are single, you can marry. Some think that if you are divorced, you can remarry. I'm not so sure about that - again see Matthew 19. But what if your sexual inclinations are toward the same sex? What then?
Outside of marriage to an opposite sex partner, there are no real options for God approved sex. A chaste life is required to please God. Chastity. Purity. Sexless love. That last one is tough, but it can be done.
So, keep you pants on my single friends. Mount the bull of chastity and hang on for dear life. You will need to stay on for more than 8 seconds.
That's supposed to be funny.
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Be Gentle.