They Walk Among Us

As many of you know, I am an old school conspiracy theorist, part of the original batch that came of age in the late 60's. My natural paranoia seems to feed the whole thing and so my psychosis feeds my neurosis.

I guess it's just a gift.

So with that in mind, I would like to offer you my latest theory about aliens which I am sure will captivate and innervate all of you to the point of belief.

For years, there have been jokes about people who shop at Walmart. I'm sure you've seen the viral emails. Pictures of weird looking folks in all manor of garb, with missing teeth, varicose veins and magenta colored hair. The really bizarre part of this is that's it's not just a joke. As we all know, there are people like that at Walmart all the time. I would like to think it's just trailer trash and working class white folks, but it seems like they are always in there, always shopping, always milling about the store and sometimes in the same clothes from one day to the next. So, I got to thinking about it.

I believe that Walmart stores are portals and perhaps even hatcheries for aliens from other worlds or dimensions. They incubate in the bowels of the stores, hatch, and are then assigned a shopping cart to mill about the store until they fully pupate and then they are released from the "hive" where a car awaits them and they go to work in the community. Those that do not reach full maturity after hatching are made into employees and allowed to stay in the store to help them assimalate for release at a later date. It all starts when the aliens deposit their eggs at Walmart distribution centers. From there, they are packaged and trucked to the store hives in all parts of the nation. They are cultivated in massive underground caverns that lie beneath every Walmart store until they hatch.

So the next time you are at Walmart and you see a short, fat woman wrapped heavily in yellow spandex with navy blue hair, a see-thru blouse and a buttocks wider than her cart, you will know you've seen an alien, probably fresh out of the hive. Sometimes they will have smaller aliens with them that appear to be out of control, dirty and noisy. These smaller ones are what is called prehatches. They left the hive too early and get assigned to the larger more mature variety. I know you're thinking these are just unruly children. Don't be tricked.

I know too, that you thought Walmart was just a thrift store started by Sam Walton years ago with hard work and tenacity. The truth is that Sam Walton and his family have been the beneficiaries of an agreement between the alien worlds and the US government to replace the population of our planet with these Walmartians. It's only a matter of time before all of us real humans will be gone. It's also why North Korea has worked so hard to keep Walmart out of the hermit kingdom.

It's really too late to do anything about this. FEMA is just waiting for the next national crisis. In an emergency, they will send us all to Walmart under the notion that we will all receive supplies and instructions. Instead, we will be encapsulated in hibernation chambers, trucked to Walmart distribution centers and transferred by aliens to their home planets to be used as a food supply.

One might ask why our government would do this. I can only say that they wanted a more compliant work force that they could tax more heavily without objection. This has also been the dream of the class of elite humans that will be left after the process is complete - you know - those folks that would never shop at Walmart!

When it happens, just remember, you heard it here first. September 23rd is coming up. That might be the day.   Do Not go to Walmart that day. Just a thought.

So, do you think I'm onto something? Ya, you know I'm right.