I went to the annual meeting at church this afternoon. It was really boring....for me. I seem to have an entirely different view of what church should be about than everyone else. I think it's because I am single. Probably is. Church today is geared toward families. I am obviously not concerned about the future of the church for my kids or my grand-kids, but that might be because I don't have any.
My thoughts about church finance, what programs will be available, whether or not the mortgage is paid and what we do with offerings big and small does not matter to me.
In my thought process, I have come to believe that if the Lord wants the church to continue, it will. It has nothing to do with money or programs or kids or families. It has to do with faith. As long as faith and love are alive and well in a church, Jesus will not extinguish their lamp. This is why I think the doors have remained open at my church since 1856. I am of the opinion that they will remain open for this reason alone. We may not always have enormous facilities and real estate to boast about, but it is a place where people can learn what Jesus has to offer. This is a good thing.
There was a concern about the disconnect between church and how we really all live at home and in the world. This is a centuries old problem. The church gives all who attend a working knowledge of the faith and truth, but it cannot impart faith. That must come from other sources. Some say it must come at home. I do not disagree with this. It helps the process. If what is learned at church is practiced at home and in life in the outside world, there will most likely be a life consistency to our faith.
Many are lost to the world during the college years. My thought is that it might have something to do with home life and again it might not. We all have learning curves. Those that left home and family and did not reconnect with another church are not necessarily lost to the faith forever. It is my contention and personal experience that we find our way back in one way or another. If the seeds of faith are there, we will eventually come back through the creation of a faith of our own.
No amount of self help books or Home Pointe recipe cards is going to change that. Those things do allow church leadership to pass the buck and say 'we gave you the resources. If you failed, it's your fault'. But those things alone will not engender a lasting, lifelong faith.
Really. All that is up to God is it not? He will ensure that none of those he has chosen will escape his grasp. Like churches, God saves the ones he knows have faith and love. He has their entire life to do this and sometimes it takes that long.
God takes our initial spark of faith, trust and love and he does stuff with it throughout our lifetimes that we do not see until we come close to the end. That's how badly He wants to save us. That is my perspective at almost 60 years of age. You might think something else. I'm good with that. But you know I never think I'm wrong, so just give it up. OK?
On last thing. Apparently the elders are spending their time praying for the congregation which is a good thing, but then they intend to go out two by two and visit us all in our homes announced or otherwise.
Nope. Not gonna do it. Stop by if you want. I will not be coming to the door. If I want company, I will issue invitations. My time at home is my own. If I want to share, I will....right now I do not. I will get back to you if that changes. I live back from the road near the woods. I like to walk around the house naked with loud music blaring (there's a warning :^) I really do not think that you want to share that time with me.
It was suggested by someone that refusing an elder visit meant that I have something to hide.
I do have many things that I hide. You will not discover what they are by coming to my house. The Lord knows what they are, but He's not talking either.
So get over it. Put me on the 'do not call' list.
It is the height of rudeness to invite yourself to some one's house, even if you announce that is your plan. It is way out of line. I do not even go to a friend or relatives house unless I am invited. It is in bad taste.
Again, please put me on the 'do not call' list.
It might even be a reason people leave the church. Just sayin.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Dad On January 11, 2017
I went in to see Dad yesterday at Parkridge before work. It's my daily ritual. I'm not sure if he knows I come every day or if he remembers I was there after I'm gone. I will go later this morning prior to work.
I had a talk with his nurses yesterday with Dad present. He is still not eating. He has lost a total of 37 lbs since his first day in the hospital on December 1. He was not eating much at the hospital and he is eating even less at the long term care facility. It's not that the food is bad. I have eaten it and it is good. I also know you can gain weight there because I have a second cousin living there who says she has gained 60 lbs since she got there. She likes the food too.
I believe his loss of appetite is a function of his Alzheimer's. They have tried giving him a protein drink, but he won't drink that either and when they try to feed him, he gets mean. My thought is that if he doesn't want to eat, he doesn't have to. His long term prognosis is not good anyway and his self willed nature, which seems unaffected by the dementia, causes him to dig in his heels. It's not worth the fight with him.
The nurses asked me about a feeding tube. I said absolutely not. Mom and Dad both set up living wills when they were my age. Extreme measures like feeding tubes were in the mix of things forbidden for use in such a time as this. I guess I just never thought I would be the one to enforce the terms. Dad would most likely fight the tube or pull it out anyway.
So no feeding tube for Dennis...
One thing that has not changed is his appreciation of women. I am told by the female staff that he regularly will give them a smack on the butt. I have not seen him in flirtation mode since well before Mom died. Now, with his filters gone, it will be interesting to see where this goes.
I guess maybe that's the last thing to go.
We humans are an odd bunch. I hope I'm not grabbin the male staff when my time comes. Then again, it might be fun and being old is the perfect excuse for that sort of thing. (;^)))))
Later
I had a talk with his nurses yesterday with Dad present. He is still not eating. He has lost a total of 37 lbs since his first day in the hospital on December 1. He was not eating much at the hospital and he is eating even less at the long term care facility. It's not that the food is bad. I have eaten it and it is good. I also know you can gain weight there because I have a second cousin living there who says she has gained 60 lbs since she got there. She likes the food too.
I believe his loss of appetite is a function of his Alzheimer's. They have tried giving him a protein drink, but he won't drink that either and when they try to feed him, he gets mean. My thought is that if he doesn't want to eat, he doesn't have to. His long term prognosis is not good anyway and his self willed nature, which seems unaffected by the dementia, causes him to dig in his heels. It's not worth the fight with him.
The nurses asked me about a feeding tube. I said absolutely not. Mom and Dad both set up living wills when they were my age. Extreme measures like feeding tubes were in the mix of things forbidden for use in such a time as this. I guess I just never thought I would be the one to enforce the terms. Dad would most likely fight the tube or pull it out anyway.
So no feeding tube for Dennis...
One thing that has not changed is his appreciation of women. I am told by the female staff that he regularly will give them a smack on the butt. I have not seen him in flirtation mode since well before Mom died. Now, with his filters gone, it will be interesting to see where this goes.
I guess maybe that's the last thing to go.
We humans are an odd bunch. I hope I'm not grabbin the male staff when my time comes. Then again, it might be fun and being old is the perfect excuse for that sort of thing. (;^)))))
Later
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Monday, January 9, 2017
I Do Not Know My Father...
This is not a "Daddy Dearest" memorandum or a polemic against my Dad. I am trying to assess how he and I got to this place in our lives with some honest reflection about our relationship situation. So, here goes...
Dennis has been my father for 59+ years. I spent the first 18 years of my life with him and Mom. After that, I was home with them off and on again after that until I was 22. In that time, I never knew need. I was cared for in terms of necessity in the best way. I always had what I needed and most of what I wanted. The only thing that I was ever missing was relationship, most especially with my father. As I look back at those years now, I wonder at what happened. It seems like from my birth, Dad and I were always at odds, maybe even in competition, and I do not know what for. Mom's attention? Approval from Mom and grandparents? I don't know.
Dad has never been one to share things with me. Emotions and feelings were not something he did when he was with me. It could be that he was unable to do them or he thought they were unmanly and did not want me to get sissified. If that was the intent, it obviously did not work :) Maybe he only ever shared with Mom. He is epileptic and emotions and stress would sometimes drive his seizures. He just never expressed things like approval, love or concern to his son - me. He never even tried to build any kind of real relationship with me. I was always my mothers problem or something for my grandparents to deal with. There was either something too intense for him about me or he just resented me. Maybe both. Nevertheless, he upheld his material, and to a certain extent, his spiritual responsibilities. He did teach me a few things for which I am eternally grateful. It's those things that bind us today.
Love for my mother. I know how much he loved her. Even when I was in high school I would come home late to find them lying on the couch together making out. It was more like they were in high school. Even when they argued with each other, you could feel the love. I never had any doubt about his love for her.
The value of a good knot. I remember when he taught me how to tie my shoes. I was between 3 and 4 years old. We were moving from Bonderant to Des Moines. I'm not sure where Mom was, but we were at the house in Bonderant and I was running around the house like a wild man with untied tennis shoes. We sat down on the floor of the near empty house together and over and over again, he showed me what to do to keep my shoes tied. He held my hands in his as we made the shoe strings do their thing. By the end of that day, I could tie my shoes like a champ. Since that time, I have had the privilege of tying his sneakers many times. He also taught me what I call the universal fisherman's knot for tying hooks and lures to your fishing line. It's kind of a backward hangman's noose. Fishing is something we did together and without Mom for the most part. Sometimes Gramps was in attendance, but fishing is what we did together. They were not always pleasant trips, but it was, as they say, quality time. I always looked forward to them in spite of some of the unpleasantness that might occur. Let me just say that sometimes we were equally disagreeable. Then there was the knot of knots. When I began wearing the occasional tie to church or social occasions it was always a clip on. I graduated finally to a man's tie and he showed me the double Windsor knot. It was quite stylish in the 70's to sport a double Windsor on your paisley tie. Now I can tie a perfect neck knot with my eyes closed. Knots are invaluable tools, I'm tellin you.
The ability to do hard work and do it well. Dennis was a bit of a perfectionist with a touch of OCD. There was only one correct way to do any task...his way. I admired the time he would spend in his struggle to make it , whatever it was, just right. But when I would come up with a way to achieve the same result with a labor saving, time saving method, I was just being lazy. We were both relentless in our efforts to finish our work with quality results. We just disagreed on methodology. Perhaps the whole thing amounted to him wanting his son to do it the way he always did it. Innovation was not his style. Following his prescribed method was what it was all about. One does not mow the lawn to get it over with. One mows the lawn to mow the lawn. He was, in many ways, very Zen.
Faithfulness. He loved the church and I am certain he loves Jesus. It was evidenced by his attendance and participation in things at church. He taught the 5th grade boys. He taught Sunday night youth group for the same ages. He was a deacon and served on the board at church. He and Mom also ran the bus program when we had a church bus. There are people at our church today that came up through that program. He just never shared his faith with me beyond what we did at church. To this day, I still do not know if he had a favorite scripture or a favorite hymn or song. We seldom prayed at home even at mealtime. We certainly never had devotions before bed. The whole thing would have been way too intimate for him to deal with. In some ways, he always lacked depth at home that he would show in other places.
Stubbornness. This is a two edged sword in the world of personality traits. When it is abused it becomes a refusal to admit one is wrong; it's a prideful tool of the adversary. When it is used appropriately, it becomes a virtue; an unbending desire to do or follow what is right and moral. Dad has always had the confidence that he is right....about everything. Me too. The problem is - was - will always be that we are not always right. Hence the dilemma. Dad and I could not both be right about an issue unless we were in agreement. Agreement did not happen much. Nonetheless, the stubbornness that I learned from him has made me strong and resilient in matters of morality and life decisions even as it has made me self righteous on many occasions and even weak.
These are a few things I learned from my father. As I was typing them out, I realized something. I know him better than I thought I did. I know him because much of what he is is in me. For good or ill, I am my father's child.
He inadvertantly helped me learn about God's grace too, but that will have to wait for another time.
Dennis has been my father for 59+ years. I spent the first 18 years of my life with him and Mom. After that, I was home with them off and on again after that until I was 22. In that time, I never knew need. I was cared for in terms of necessity in the best way. I always had what I needed and most of what I wanted. The only thing that I was ever missing was relationship, most especially with my father. As I look back at those years now, I wonder at what happened. It seems like from my birth, Dad and I were always at odds, maybe even in competition, and I do not know what for. Mom's attention? Approval from Mom and grandparents? I don't know.
Dad has never been one to share things with me. Emotions and feelings were not something he did when he was with me. It could be that he was unable to do them or he thought they were unmanly and did not want me to get sissified. If that was the intent, it obviously did not work :) Maybe he only ever shared with Mom. He is epileptic and emotions and stress would sometimes drive his seizures. He just never expressed things like approval, love or concern to his son - me. He never even tried to build any kind of real relationship with me. I was always my mothers problem or something for my grandparents to deal with. There was either something too intense for him about me or he just resented me. Maybe both. Nevertheless, he upheld his material, and to a certain extent, his spiritual responsibilities. He did teach me a few things for which I am eternally grateful. It's those things that bind us today.
Love for my mother. I know how much he loved her. Even when I was in high school I would come home late to find them lying on the couch together making out. It was more like they were in high school. Even when they argued with each other, you could feel the love. I never had any doubt about his love for her.
The value of a good knot. I remember when he taught me how to tie my shoes. I was between 3 and 4 years old. We were moving from Bonderant to Des Moines. I'm not sure where Mom was, but we were at the house in Bonderant and I was running around the house like a wild man with untied tennis shoes. We sat down on the floor of the near empty house together and over and over again, he showed me what to do to keep my shoes tied. He held my hands in his as we made the shoe strings do their thing. By the end of that day, I could tie my shoes like a champ. Since that time, I have had the privilege of tying his sneakers many times. He also taught me what I call the universal fisherman's knot for tying hooks and lures to your fishing line. It's kind of a backward hangman's noose. Fishing is something we did together and without Mom for the most part. Sometimes Gramps was in attendance, but fishing is what we did together. They were not always pleasant trips, but it was, as they say, quality time. I always looked forward to them in spite of some of the unpleasantness that might occur. Let me just say that sometimes we were equally disagreeable. Then there was the knot of knots. When I began wearing the occasional tie to church or social occasions it was always a clip on. I graduated finally to a man's tie and he showed me the double Windsor knot. It was quite stylish in the 70's to sport a double Windsor on your paisley tie. Now I can tie a perfect neck knot with my eyes closed. Knots are invaluable tools, I'm tellin you.
The ability to do hard work and do it well. Dennis was a bit of a perfectionist with a touch of OCD. There was only one correct way to do any task...his way. I admired the time he would spend in his struggle to make it , whatever it was, just right. But when I would come up with a way to achieve the same result with a labor saving, time saving method, I was just being lazy. We were both relentless in our efforts to finish our work with quality results. We just disagreed on methodology. Perhaps the whole thing amounted to him wanting his son to do it the way he always did it. Innovation was not his style. Following his prescribed method was what it was all about. One does not mow the lawn to get it over with. One mows the lawn to mow the lawn. He was, in many ways, very Zen.
Faithfulness. He loved the church and I am certain he loves Jesus. It was evidenced by his attendance and participation in things at church. He taught the 5th grade boys. He taught Sunday night youth group for the same ages. He was a deacon and served on the board at church. He and Mom also ran the bus program when we had a church bus. There are people at our church today that came up through that program. He just never shared his faith with me beyond what we did at church. To this day, I still do not know if he had a favorite scripture or a favorite hymn or song. We seldom prayed at home even at mealtime. We certainly never had devotions before bed. The whole thing would have been way too intimate for him to deal with. In some ways, he always lacked depth at home that he would show in other places.
Stubbornness. This is a two edged sword in the world of personality traits. When it is abused it becomes a refusal to admit one is wrong; it's a prideful tool of the adversary. When it is used appropriately, it becomes a virtue; an unbending desire to do or follow what is right and moral. Dad has always had the confidence that he is right....about everything. Me too. The problem is - was - will always be that we are not always right. Hence the dilemma. Dad and I could not both be right about an issue unless we were in agreement. Agreement did not happen much. Nonetheless, the stubbornness that I learned from him has made me strong and resilient in matters of morality and life decisions even as it has made me self righteous on many occasions and even weak.
These are a few things I learned from my father. As I was typing them out, I realized something. I know him better than I thought I did. I know him because much of what he is is in me. For good or ill, I am my father's child.
He inadvertantly helped me learn about God's grace too, but that will have to wait for another time.
Sunday, January 8, 2017
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